


From Hell's Kitchen

by MaxReichenblack



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Closeted Character, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, FBI, Homophobia, James just want to be loved, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other Characters - Freeform, Police investigation, Serial Killers, Suicidal Thoughts, my usual terrible sense of humor, nypd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-09-20 00:53:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 47,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17012442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxReichenblack/pseuds/MaxReichenblack
Summary: Jamie, a former USMC Member, is now a beat cop in New York City. A troubled past has left him a borderline alcoholic who just wants love, but isn't so open about his sex life.Ethan Holiday, an FBI agent, just transferred in for a major case. Unlike Jamie, Ethan can't be bothered with closeted cases, and is more focused on his professional life than his personal life.When a string of murders and a serial killer makes themselves known in the streets of New York, the FBI moves in to investigate, thus throwing Ethan and Jamie in together as partners.Something that may pose an issue for them both, especially when feelings get involved.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a revised version of the same story that was already posted here, there have been some changes so if you read back then, it might be worth read again bc some characters had been changed and James is a bit less of an asshole.  
> Everyone is actually a little nicer.
> 
> Anyway, infinite thanks to anyone who bothers and takes the time to read this since it's not a fandom story and most people will ignore it.
> 
> thanks!

It was past seven when James finally left his desk. 

He’d spent several hours finishing reports from his last solved case ─ a murder carried out by a spiteful lover. A regular Agatha Christie with mistresses, jealousy, and a knife in someone’s back. 

Physically and mentally drained after days working on that case, and thanking God it was finally over,James was more than ready to get the hell out of the station. His mind was already on his comfortable couch and the six-pack in his fridge, when his partner, at least for now, Zach Willows appeared in his line of vision.

“We deserve a few drinks after this.” Said the cop.

James glanced up. Sitting down, Zach’s height was even more pronounced. He was inches taller than James, who, in his humble opinion, was tall enough at six one, and a great deal bulkier. He even had a red-haired beard, which James was sure Zach trimmed with extreme care every day. Zach was what anyone would call a bear. 

A wet dream of a bear at that, but so not James’ type. Not that he would never say that aloud.

“Just one?” James asked with a sardonic smile. 

In light of having been scratched by an irate woman in the process of placing her under arrest (nail marks still stinging on his neck) he figured he deserved a lot more than a few drinks. And cheap alcohol wouldn’t cut it this time either. 

“Where’s everybody? They all left?” James was looking around the empty office space. There was no one to be seen in the whole homicide unit. 

“Braverman left hours ago,” Zach said dismissively, “you know, she has kids, a husband… better things to do.” 

“And you think I don’t?” He could have been out at some bar or club picking up someone for the night. 

Which, now that he thought about it, was exactly what he needed. It wasn’t hard for him to find someone to play with, after all he was what anyone would call attractive, if not handsome. Although, at that precise moment, he probably looked like half-eaten sushi. He hadn’t shaved in the last two days, his dark blond hair was probably sticking out in all directions, and the lack of sleep most likely had given him dark circles under his eyes. Not to mention the bad shape of his suit--the jacket and shirt were wrinkled, and the neck of his shirt had some blood on it. 

“Let’s get out of here before someone mistakes us for the night shift guys,” James said ready to go.

Jacket and cellphone in hand, he started towards the elevator. Both of them carried their jackets on their arms since it would still be hot outside, and they knew it. 

Just as they set foot outside the station, the change in the temperature became unbearable, especially for that time of day. New York was suffering one of the worst heat waves in years.

“I’m going to melt.” James whined as he started to undo his tie. “It’s almost dark now, can’t the heat give us a rest?”

“It’s global warming.” Zach explained like he was talking to a child.

“Don’t lie to me. It’s the Republicans.”

“What do they have to do with anything?”

“They keep saying climate change doesn’t exist, so it’s their fault. Anyway, it’s hot as hell out here, be a normal person for once and complain.” 

The heat tended to make James a little bit cranky. A lot of things made James cranky. 

“What do you mean by ‘be a normal person for once’?” Zach asked surprised and offended. It wasn’t only the hipster things, it was also the hipster clothes. Zach was wearing burgundy slacks, a white shirt and suspenders, and the navy jacket on his arm. James was sure that his partner even had a collection of bow ties.

“Dude, you’re vegan and always so chill and nice. You are never bothered by anything. And yesterday you also said this heat was good because sweating was good. Who thinks sweating is good?”

“It helps to release toxins…” he started. 

James knew it was the beginning of some sort of explanation about the positive benefits of sweating, so he hurried to cut the guy off.

“Sweating is only good if somebody is sweating under you, and that’s the end of it.”

And it was the end of that conversation since they were already at the door of the pub. 

A real old Irish pub that, at some point, became a nearby refuge for cops who didn’t want to go home just yet. Barry waved from behind the bar, and they walked straight to the empty stools.

“Heineken for me and vegan water for my friend.” called James when he sat, leaving his jacket on the stool next to his.

“What the fuck is vegan water, Knox?” Barry asked, not getting the joke. 

A pity, James thought. He was doomed to remain a misunderstood genius.

“I’ll have a Bud Light, Barry.” Zach said sighing.

“Hey, how come you can have a beer? Isn’t it against your beliefs?”

“True,” Barry agreed, “do vegans drink beer?” 

“Budweiser doesn’t use animal ingredients, additives, or processing agents . ”

“Always learn new bits of vegan speech with you every day, mate.”

“Zach, what are you doing with this idiot?” Barry asked, finally. The barman had probably seen a lot of cops in some of their lowest moments, but James always managed to surprise him with something new. Barry was probably in his mid-thirties, had gray eyes and short dark brown hair, and in James critical opinion, was probably too smart to be just the barman at the pub. He was up to something, and James was going to find out what.

“Nobody else wanted to work with him. And now I know why.” Zach explained sounding defeated.

It wasn’t a lie. Braverman, who held the current record, lasted two weeks with James. To James’ dismay, he suspected the ever-calm vegan pacifist Zach would last longer. 

Not that he had anything against the big red guy, it just wasn’t the kind of person he wanted for a partner. Nor were the ten other people he had teamed up with in the last few months. 

“Another partner? You change them more than you change your shirt, man.”Barry had already seen a parade of people coming in with James, and they pretty much never came back with him a second time.

“It’s not my fault, they’re short-tempered.”

“Well, Zach isn’t, so he might last.”

“James is a good cop,” said Zach good-naturedly, “he has one hell of an instinct. Also, he knows how to handle his women. I sort of like him.” He shot him a sideways glance. “When he isn’t a jerk . ”

“I’m a jerk? I solved the case, and you took half the credit.” James said pointing an accusatory finger from around the neck of his beer.

“And the crazy woman attacked you.” Zach reminded him.

“At least a woman touched me in the last year.” James rebutted, like the adult he was supposed to be.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Zach inquired, scowling.

“Dude, you don’t look half bad, and somehow you are a mess when it comes to women. I’ve been watching you. What is it? Are you afraid of them?” 

“You’ve been  _ watching _ me?” 

“He’s not wrong,” Barry piped up, “you’re always salivating over that blondie who comes here with the nerdy guys.”

“Oh, you must mean Megan from the lab. She’s a cutie, isn’t she Zachary?” James asked grinning before taking another sip of his beer.

“I asked you not to call me that. And it’s none of your business… and how the hell do you know about all that? You two are worse than a pair of old hags gossiping…”

“Oh come on Zach, don’t get mad, we want to help.” Barry said, pulling out another Bud that nobody asked for, but that Zach clearly needed.

“Actually, I have no intention of helping,” James corrected with a curt sniff, “I’m just here for the beer and because of the apocalypse out there.”

When Barry agreed, Zach tried to bring up the speech about sweating, but James ended up asking for shots to avoid the whole thing again. 

When James thought he was going to be going home soon, a miracle in the form of Alek entered the bar. 

Alekanekelo Greene, the best friend anyone can have, the most chilled-out Hawaiian guy in the world, was someone James had met the day he enrolled in the Marines. They were both kids, both running away from something, and they grew up together and became men together.

Not necessarily together. But they were blood brothers now, and because of that, Alek had to stick with James now. Alek, like Zach, was slightly taller than him, and his tanned skin, exotic features typical from the Pacific Islands, and his dark green eyes had been one of the reasons James had approached Alek at first. Even though he turned out to be straighter than an arrow, he still became James’ brother.

“Ku`u Hoaloha `Oi!” Greeted James, half-sincere, half-sarcastic.

“You really need to stop googling shit.” Alek chuckled sitting next to his friend without paying any heed to the jacket he was now crushing beneath his weight. “’My best friend’? Really? Couldn’t you look for something funnier to learn in Hawaiian? And you mispronounced it.”

“Hawaiian is hard. Teach me. How do you ask for free shots?”

“You don’t,” he grinned, “Barry, a Guinness and something strong enough to make him shut up.”

“How about a baseball bat?” Barry suggested.

“How about no?” James turned back to Alek. “What are you doing here? Not working tonight?”

“What do you think?” 

“That Zach poisoned me with his quinoa quiche this morning, and I’m actually in a coma in the hospital, and all this is a dream.” 

Alek looked at him in silence for a long moment and then looked at Zach over James’ shoulder.

“Did you really give him quinoa quiche?”

Zach shrugged, his face a mixture of apathy and guilt.

“He said he was hungry, and it was all I had in the car.”

“Dude, never ever feed him.” Alek warned.

“What? Why?”

“Because he is like a Gremlin.” Barry said helpfully before moving to the other end of the bar where a couple of guys were drinking. At first sight, they seemed just like two guys drinking and chatting, but James had seen them around before, one of them worked at the precinct. The other was his boyfriend. 

James felt sick all of a sudden. He needed to get out of there.

“So good to hear you talk about me guys, but I’m going to leave now.” James said as he stood up, trying to recover his jacket while Alek didn’t move at all. “Do you mind?”

“Don’t leave so soon.” Alek pleaded. “I just got here.”

“Dude I’m tired, I got scratched today,” James said showing the nail marks on the side of his neck, “and not even in a good way.”

“So?”

“Let me go before Barry comes back and makes me pay for the beer, pretty please?” James tried. With a sigh Alek allowed him to take his jacket.

“You owe me one.”

“Sure,” James said already walking towards the door. What a cop he was, not paying for his drinks.

Back outside, he cursed everything he came across: the heat, the pavement, that car that almost hit him, that stupid dog trying to hump his leg and made him stop for thirty awkward seconds, the dog owner who found it hilarious, and so on during the ten minutes it took him to get to his apartment. 

He’d never been as thankful for any invention as he was for the air conditioner the moment he crossed through door. His apartment wasn’t like the ones seen in the movies. It wasn’t in the best area of town, it didn’t have fantastic views, and he had some noisy neighbors, including Alek, but he had spent some good money on it and some more in making it look better than when he got it. He had spent more time and money than he had originally intended taking down the wall between the kitchen and the living room to get open space as well as renovating the hardwood floors, but it paid out. It was just another secret of his, he loved HGTV, and after coming back from his last tour and watching hours and hours of Property Brothers, he had felt the need to renovate his whole apartment.

James left his keys and badge on the table next to the door and proceeded towards his room. He left his gun inside the safe in his closet, undressed quickly, and threw his sweat-drenched clothes in the laundry basket. He took a long, revitalizing shower and decided to go out that night. 

He could use some company. 

Fresh out of the shower and with a towel around his hips, he went in the walk-in closet, another must after watching too much tv. He was about to pick some underwear when his phone started ringing. 

Still naked, James followed the sound to his phone, plugged to the wall, silently praying it wasn’t work. When he saw the ID he couldn’t tell if it wasn’t or not, so he answered.

“Knox.” he replied tentatively.

“Wow, how formal.” Lance Coleman laughed on the other end. It didn’t look like it was a work-related call then. James released his breath slowly with that thought. “I was wondering if you were free tonight.”

“Lance, this is America, I’m always free.” James responded, failing to provide a coherent answer. The call had surprised him, and he still didn’t know if it was for good or not. It had been at least a month since Lance had called him for ‘non-official’ business. 

The other detective and James had a long history of torrid encounters, but unfortunately for James, that was all it would ever be. Lance was as closeted as anyone could be, even himself, but that didn’t mean he just slept with James from time to time. Lance was pretty much doing every guy he could, and he made sure to tell James that every time they were together. James understood. He wasn’t enough. Not for Lance, or anybody else.  He would probably never be.

Suddenly James realized he wasn’t listening to Lance’s depictions of what was going to happen when James met him in his apartment, but he could already imagine. He was going to bottom.

“So, are you coming?” 

James wanted to say ‘not yet’ to that but instead answered seriously.

“Sure, will be there in twenty minutes.” He said too fast. On the one hand, it was a good idea, he had guaranteed sex with somebody he could trust not to out him. On the other hand, Lance always ended up making him feel miserable once the fun was over. It was a constant reminder that he wasn’t allowed to have anything more than sex. And that’s what Lance kept telling him, their nonprofessional relationship was based exclusively in their occasional hook-ups.

Sighing, James went back to his closet and picked simple clothes, he didn’t need to dress to impress anymore. 

 

Just like he said, James arrived at Lance’s building in Upper Manhattan in about twenty minutes, although he needed ten more minutes to find a parking spot. Unlike James and Alek, Lance came from a wealthy family of political animals, which translated to money and luxury, and in that case, a penthouse in the Upper West Side. The building had a doorman who, James was sure, knew what he came for every time. He just hoped the guy earned enough not to feel like telling anyone about Lance’s visitors. 

The elevator took him to the top floor, and when the doors opened, there was Lance leaning on his doorway, waiting for him with two glasses of wine. Now that was new.

“Welcome, Detective Knox.” Lance said offering the glass. 

James took it and drank half of it in one gulp.  

“Thirsty, are we?”

“Do you know how hot it is outside?” 

He avoided Lance's eye as he drained the glass.

“Do you have more?”

"Of course," said Lance watching him, "but first, let's get comfortable in the living room, shall we?”

Lance turned to go back towards the open plan living area, bigger than half of James’ apartment. There was a ridiculously big TV hanging on one of the walls, faced by a couch that was probably too expensive for the things Lance and James had done on it in the past. 

James took off his shoes while he walked, as well as his t-shirt. 

“Why did you call me tonight?” He asked as he sat on the couch.

“I -” 

Lance stopped mid-sentence when he laid his eyes on James. 

“Why are you already half naked?”

“You said ‘let’s get comfortable,' this is me comfortable. Where is my wine?”

“I’ll go get the bottle. And don’t take off anything else.” Lance left just to come back with the bottle a moment later. “Where were we?” He asked offering a new full glass.

“You were about to tell me why you called me tonight, after one and a half months.” James said dryly. He hoped it hadn’t sound too resentful. He didn’t want to look needy.

“Would you believe it if I told you it was because I missed you?” James laughed. “Hey, I have feelings, you know?”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it, you have feelings, but not for me.” 

Well, if it hadn’t sounded resentful before, he sure as hell did after that. He shouldn’t have gone out if he was in such a sullen mood.

“Think whatever you want Jamie, I have every intention to make it up to you for all that time.” Lance said in a different tone. That was it, the predatory eyes, James knew what it meant even before Lance kneeled on the floor in front of him. “What do you think?”

“Are you going to bottom? I did last time, it’s just fair that…”

“You like to be fucked Jamie, I know you do.” Lance said as he undid the zipper of James’ jeans. It was true he liked to bottom, the sex wasn’t his problem, it was how he felt after.

“Lance, I -” It was too late. Lance was already all over him, taking off his clothes and going down on him. He let the overly experienced detective take care of his erection, and before he could complain, Lance was getting him ready for more. “Hey, wait-” James managed to say when a playful finger came too close to his entrance. 

“You want me to stop?” Lance asked, releasing him for a moment. “I’m pretty sure you are enjoying it.” He added with a mischievous smile at the same time his index finger entered James. It wasn’t something new, yet it made James tense up. “Come on, baby, let me take care of you, yes?”

“Don’t call me that,” James said, surrendering and getting comfortable on the couch, “makes me feel like this is dirty dancing.” Lance stopped sucking again to chuckle but didn’t remove his finger.

“Don’t make me laugh if I have your dick in my mouth.” 

Lance kept working him, and sooner rather than later, he was putting on a condom and pouring too much lube on it. It was going to be a mess to clean up later, as always, James thought. When did this become so wearisome? James didn’t expect romance or anything like that, but he was just lying on an expensive couch waiting to be fucked and wondering why it wasn’t appealing anymore. Was it ever? What a great moment to question the only relationship he ever had with another man.

“Hey, come back.” Lance said from above him.

“I’m right here.”

“You weren’t a second ago.” They looked at each other for a moment before Lance kneeled between James’ open legs, and without any more warning, entered him with one slow slide. It had been a whole month since last time, so it took a moment for James to get used to it. “Can I move?” Lance asked, in clear agony.

“Just-” James tried to say something but nothing came out. It still hurt a little when Lance started pulling out, just to go in again slowly. After a few more tentative thrusts, James moaned, and Lance started moving faster, making sounds on his own. 

Just like any other time, sex was good. Lance hit the right spot again and again until James was a moaning mess, and when he was about to come, stopped.

“Turn around.” He demanded as he pulled out. James lay there, not moving, so Lance grabbed him by the hip and turned him around, making him kneel on the couch. James would have rather kept doing it face to face, but apparently, he didn’t have a say in the matter. 

In no time, Lance was at it again, ramming into James merciless until he came with spasmodic moves, in a few hard thrusts that almost pushed James off of the couch. Lance let himself fall on top of him, keeping him pinned there, unable to relieve his now painfully hard erection.

“That was awesome.” Said Lance, still breathless. He moved to lay next to James instead of on top of him, and only then he noticed. “What? Are you sulking? Aw, you are just so cute.” He said helping James turn around again. 

“I’m not cute.” James stated, maybe sulking. Lance laughed and then took James erection in his mouth again. It didn’t take long for James to come with a satisfying moan, coming undone under the other man. 

“See? You are cute.” Lance said, crawling on top of him to speak directly into his ear. “Look at you, all messed up in my couch, covered in your own cum. You are a wet dream, Jamie.” 

“Get me some more expensive wine, and we can go on. You said you were making up for the whole month you didn’t call, so get ready, because I’m fucking you next.”

“Oh, but I had an idea.” Lance said with a wicked smile. James didn’t use to like Lance’s ideas. He couldn’t stand being tied, didn’t especially enjoy pain, and wasn’t into those weird games Lance liked to play. “What if, instead of fucking me, you and I fuck a friend of mine who is on his way here?” James was sure Lance was expecting another kind of reaction from him and did his best to not look as torn apart as he was feeling.

“Can’t it be just us?” He asked with an embarrassing little voice. “And he is on his way? You asked him to come before telling me about him?”

“It was a surprise! I know how you always refuse to bottom at first, so I thought that if you could fuck someone else-”

“You could fuck me? That’s how this works? You should have told me someone else was coming.” James bit out, standing up and looking for his clothes. He needed to get out of there.

“Don’t be like that, we are just having fun. He’s an acquaintance of mine, we can trust him.” Lance insisted.

“It’s not what I came for, Lance.” He was already half dressed, and thoroughly embarrassed. How could he be so stupid? And the worst part, he was letting Lance see how much all this had hurt him.

“What did you come for Jamie? You wanted to fuck me? You can if you stay.”

“Look-” James started, trying to figure out what to say to be able to leave with some dignity. Before he could say anything else, his cell phone rang in the pocket of his pants. For the first time ever, he wished it was work and rushed to answer. “Knox.”

“Good evening detective.” It was Gray, the big bad, angry sergeant who never called unless he had bad news. “I hope I’m not disturbing you much. We have a dead body.” A dead body had never sounded better.

“Send me the address, and I’ll be right there Sarge.” James answered looking at Lance, who had already put on his briefs.

“You are bailing.”

“It’s work.”

“You were bailing before the call, James.” Lance seemed hurt? What was about him today? First, all that manhandling, then the other guy, and now he was upset James was leaving?

“You’ll have another piece of ass here soon enough, you’ll be ok.” He said finally, as he put on his t-shirt. James finished dressing and went back to the door ready to leave.

“This wasn’t what I had planned when I called you.” Lance voiced behind him, maybe more to himself than for James to hear. “Maybe you can come back here when you’re done with work?” James was shocked. Who was this guy and where was the Lance who was all business? There was that one time when Lance pretty much kicked him out less than thirty seconds after he came, so this was really strange coming from him.

“I’ll think about it.” James muttered before he crossed through doorway. What a mess.

 

James abandoned the building still wanting to kick himself. He left in a very dramatic way that was so not his sassy style, and now Lance would get the wrong impression. Or the right one. 

He walked to his car still immersed in his thoughts. What was supposed to be a sexy meeting with Lance had become 20 minutes of sex on the couch and an early leave before he could even wash himself. Yeah, he was still stained with his own fluids. He just hoped nobody noticed the stains on his t-shirt. 

He was visiting a crime scene, full of investigators whose jobs were to pay attention to every detail, what could go wrong?

When he arrived, he felt overly self-conscious about how he might be looking. He had sex hair, wrinkled clothes, and a cum stained t-shirt. And even with all that, it wouldn’t be his worst look at a crime scene. 

He got out of the car and walked towards the crime scene band, where an NYPD officer let him cross. Sergeant Gray was already there, looking angry. Again. Or still. You never knew with him. 

“Knox, where the hell were you? I called you more than half an hour ago.” He yelled.

Zach, who was already there, looked at James apparently happy to see him. Someone to share all the yelling with, he probably thought. “Sorry Sarge, I got stuck in traffic.” James lied.

“I’m going to ignore that shitty excuse. There is a dead girl, Melissa Taylor, 27. Doctor Sanders is already taking a look.”

James approached the doctor, who was crouched next to the body. Before he could say anything, the scene hit him. A young woman lain dead on the ground in the middle of a pool of her own blood. There were many wounds all over her body, and the heat didn’t help to keep the body in good condition, so she looked even worse. The body had both arms by the side, and the legs wide open.

“I’ve counted already more than twenty-five stab wounds.” Doctor Sanders said, sensing James looking over him.

“Somebody didn’t like her much.” James mumbled. “Hey Zach, you okay?” James asked when he saw how pale his partner was.

“The vegan guy must be so used to grass, he got sick when he saw so much flesh and blood.” Sanders didn’t like Zach. Well, Sanders didn’t like anyone, but he sort of tolerated James just fine.

“Did he throw up?”

“You can indeed vomit a granola bar,” the Doctor replied. 

“So, how did she die?”

“Stabbed to death, what do you think?”

“Was she raped? It looks like it.” James asked, walking around the body.

“I don’t think so, but I can’t tell just yet, and probably won’t because the new medical examiner will take over the case on Monday. So it won’t be my problem anymore.”

“Do you really want to retire?”

“Son, I’ve seen dead bodies on a daily basis for more than thirty years, and that wasn’t the worst part of this job, dealing with you boys was. Now get out, I can’t tell you anything more, and I don’t want you to contaminate my crime scene with whatever you got on your clothes.”

James turned around and walked away silently. He decided to show some interest in his partner’s wellbeing.

“Did you throw up? It’s okay if you did.”

“I didn’t expect something like that. Who does something like that?”

“Someone with a knife, motive, and opportunity?”

“You are the worst, you know? That girl had a family, and someone just killed her like that. It’s awful. How can you just, walk around like nothing happened?” Zach was severely affected. James didn’t think he was too young, they must be around the same age, but Zach was so green sometimes. James had seen too much death back in Afghanistan that it was hard to shock him. This was a walk in the park when you had seen someone literally explode in front of you. 

“Look, I know it can be a shock, but we have work to do, and we’ll catch the person who did that,” he said pointing the girl, “that’s our job, so get your shit together and let’s ask some questions.”

As it would be expected, nobody saw or heard a thing. The guy who had found the body was drunk as hell, and it took him way longer than it should have to realize the girl was dead. 

Around midnight, the CSI guys had all they needed, and people started leaving. James remembered then Lance’s words. Did he want to come back? Would Lance be waiting? Well, it was his house, so he’ll be there for sure. 

“Hey, would you like to have some ice cream?” Zach said, interrupting his thoughts. The guy still looked pale, and probably needed a friend or someone who would eat dairy-free, gluten-free  vegan ice cream with him in the middle of the night. 

“Sure. Do you think they’ll have bacon ice cream?” James asked. Zach shook his head and started walking toward the cars. 

“Not where I’m taking you.”

“Of course.”

“So, tell me, is that semen on your t-shirt?” 

“Don’t you have some whales to save? Or some fur coats to ruin with paint? Don’t mind my stained t-shirt.”

“But is it or is it not semen?”

“Lick it and find out.” 

“You wish.” Well, maybe some other time, James thought.


	2. Chapter 2

#  Chapter 2

 

First days at a new job always sucked, even more so when you had just moved to another city. Ethan wasn’t all that worried though. He was back home, and although he had just arrived from Washington DC, New York was his home. His whole family was there, and now his job was there too.

He entered the building that held the FBI office in New York, and as usual for the federal agency, it was impressive. 

From what he’d heard, he had been assigned to an infamous team. When he requested to be transferred to New York, the only available position for him was in the Behavior Analysis Unit, which was great since Ethan was an experienced profiler and this was exactly the kind of job he was aiming to get back in D.C. But what wasn’t that great, was the fact that there were openings in this unit in a city like New York. BAUs were the kind of team everybody wanted to work in, so the fact that there was a spot available might not be a good sign. 

This team was well known for being a bunch of weird people led by a woman frequently called crazy and vindictive. There were all kinds of stories about them,especially about the boss Lena Ellis. Some said she killed her boyfriend when he cheated on her, and she was good enough to cover the murder and get away with it. Others said Lena wasn’t her real name, and she actually was an ex-con who had something on the FBI. None of those stories sounded believable to Ethan, but they made him a little nervous about meeting his new boss. 

When he finally reached the twentieth floor, he got off the full elevator, and went looking for Agent Ellis. He looked around the desks, reading the names of the agents, looking for Ellis’. He doubted she hada desk with the other agents, she probably had her own office.

“Hey, can I help you?” Ethan turned around and saw a petite Asian woman with short blue highlighted hair and casual clothes looking at him.

“I was looking for Agent Ellis. Do you know where I can find her?”

“Yeah, but who are you?” She asked, “Oh wait, are you the new guy?” 

“I am. I’m Ethan Holiday. And you are?” He asked offering his hand. She took it and introduced herself.

“I’m Nyoko Willis. You should know, they are gonna give you shit. You look like some poster boy with that suit and your hair and all.” 

“What am I supposed to look like? I’m a federal agent.” He said confused.

“We are renegades in this field office, we don’t really follow the whole etiquette thing,” she explained, eyeing his expensive Italian suit like he was wearing something disgusting, “come this way. I’ll take you to Ellis.”

Ethan followed Nyoko through a corridor that led to another area with four desks.  There were people in the office at the end of the room. By the sound of the voices, it must have been three people--two men, one woman. 

“Hey, boss? The new guy is here.” Nyoko called from where they stood on the other side of the room. The woman in the office poked her head out of the room. She looked pretty young to be in charge of a team, even a small one. She had dark brown hair collected in a messy ponytail, and her face gave the impression that she was dangerous. Yet Ethan couldn’t pinpoint what gave him that suspicion.

“Oh, you are the D.C. Boy Scout? I’m Lena, welcome to the team.” She said leaving the office and walking to him to shake his hand. “You’ve already met Nyoko, good. She’s our computer expert. Who would have guessed right? Asian girl is good with computers.” 

“Boss, just introduce the rest of the team, for fuck’s sake.” Nyoko whined.

“Right. These two gentlemen are Jesse McAdams, and the other guy is Javi Iglesias.”

The two guys from the office had already stepped out. McAdams looked pretty much like a cowboy: tanned skin, short brown hair, and he spoke with a thick Texas accent. 

As for Iglesias, he was a very good-looking guy. He had Hispanic features, and under that Henley shirt there must be a killer body.

Ethan had to stop that thought right there. That was the last thing he needed. There was no use in looking at hot guys who would choose their wives in the end, especially at work. He should have learned his lesson by now. He discarded the thoughts and came back to the conversation. He shook hands with both men, and Lena asked them all to join her in the conference room. It was a room probably too big for such a small team, but apparently it was for their exclusive use.

“Okay Ethan, I’ll let you know how this works. We receive a ton of cases every day that may or may not  actually be of our concern. We look into them and decide which ones have priority. For example, Jesse, pick a case.” Lena ordered. Jesse started scrolling  his tablet. 

“This one, ‘man dies in mysterious circumstances, his genitals were removed’.” He read.

“He probably raped someone, and it was about revenge. Local police can handle that.” Lena answered. Ethan was stunned. 

“We just wrapped up a big case, hate crime, so we are not busy right now.” Iglesias explained, seeing Ethan’s face.

“Holiday,” Lenna called, “you are part of the team now.” She started, discarding the tablet she had in her hands. “So, tell us, why are you here? Why did you leave D.C?”

“Did you shoot your partner? That’s why Iglesias is here.” McAdams offered like it was the typical thing to say.

“I didn’t shoot anyone.” Ethan said, confused. Who the hell were these freaks?

“Come on, tell us, what’s your crime?” Lena insisted.

“I don’t-“ Ethan tried. “I was sent from-“

“No, come on Holiday. We are here because we fucked up. He shot his partner, she hacked the NSA people, I hit a judge, what did you do?” Again McAdams spoke about it like it was nothing.

“I did nothing.”

“Don't buy it. You killed someone?” This time it was Iglesias asking.

“No!”

“I did.” Lena said with a creepy smile. “Oh, you are a fucker? Aw, that’s cute.”

“A fucker?” He asked, perplexed.

“Yeah, you fucked someone. You are like a Diet Coke. You’re not gonna last here kid.” McAdams said. 

_ So this was what it was all about? _ Ethan thought. He had gone through a living hell back in D.C and had to move back to New York after working his ass off there, just because he couldn’t not think with his dick for two minutes. He was going to stay in New York and was going to make the D.C office realize the mistake they have made in letting him go. 

“What if I slept with a superior, who happened not only to be married, but also was a man?” He said, satisfied with his teammate’s faces. 

“Okay, poster boy, I’ll respect a homewrecker.” Nyoko said.

“Welcome to the team Holiday.” Lena grinned.

After a shocking first impression, Ethan discovered the team was actually fully efficient in their jobs. Nyoko was a real genius, and McAdams and Iglesias, even though they fought like an old married couple, got things done. Lena was a different story. She walked around the office like she owned the place, and nobody dared to make any comments about her or her team. She did respond to their superiors to some extent, but since they got results, they didn't have anything to hold against the team most of the time. The first few days passed fast since Ethan was getting accustomed to the team dynamics, and by the weekend he already felt a part of it. The bureaucratic part of the job was pretty much the same there as it was in D.C, so it wasn’t a problem for him. He was good and efficient at it, something all his teammates valued more than he expected. 

The infamous team, apparently that was an actual thing they got called, didn’t get a new case to focus on till Monday. They were checking the cases who had applied for federal assistance when Lena stormed into the room with a folder.

“This is our new case.” She said, dropping the folder dramatically on the table. Ethan grabbed and opened it. There were a few shocking pictures of a dead woman, and some other documents attached. 

“Why is this case so special? Seems like a homicide.” Ethan said.

“Read the forensic report.” Lena told him. 

“Thirty-nine stab wounds?” Well, it was surprising, Ethan had to admit.

“We are taking over the case.” Lena informed.

“Boss,” Iglesias started, “it’s not him. It’s not the Butcher.” Ethan suddenly remembered about that. It was an old case, about five or six years ago. A man brutally killed young women in the tristate area for months before the police and the FBI could take a hold on him. The press had said he resisted, and he ended up being shot. Now that he thought of it, it might have been Lena’s case.

“Might be a copycat, and if it is, it’s our case. We are taking over, so get your asses off your chairs, and let’s go to the police station. Holiday, get ready for your first rodeo.”

“Hey, that’s my phrase. You aren’t even from Texas, boss.” McAdams complained, making Iglesias laugh.

“Nyoko, get everything the cops have on the case and send it to me. Maybe we can get the autopsy results before the cops do.”

“Wouldn’t it bother the police if we take the case from them? I mean, every time I’ve been in this situation, the cops were pissed off.”

“It’s okay, Holiday. We are not making friends. We are doing our job. Now let’s go.” Lena left the room by herself.

“Don’t worry kid, she gets pretty worked up when something hits too close to home. These sorts of killings are too similar to the ones back then. You probably remember the case.” Iglesias told him.

“I do. She was in charge?”

“It was her first big case, and it didn’t go that well. They killed the guy who was allegedly the murderer, but most of the evidence was circumstantial. She feels guilty, because if that guy wasn’t the killer, the families of the victims didn’t get justice. What’s worse, if it happens again, it’s on her.”

“It’s not on her, she can’t take that guilt. Only the killer is to blame here.”

“I almost forgot the boy is a shrink.” McAdams said. “Let’s go before she comes back for us.”

 

***

 

It wasn’t even daylight outside when an earthquake shook James’ bed. 

“Good morning princess, ready for today’s run?” Alek asked in an awfully enthusiastic way. Why in the world had James thought it was a good idea to give Alek a key to his apartment? Alek didn’t only come to his place like a hurricane to wake him up, he also snuck in James’ place to steal food or whatever he needed. 

James moved, trying to ignore his friend, who took him by the foot and pulled him out of bed until James fell off the mattress with a loud noise.

“Fuck you, Alek,” he mumbled, “dude it’s too early for this. Even more so, it’s fucking Monday.”

“Come on Jamie, every day the same shit, you’re always glad when we are out running. It’s good, healthy, and also I have a surprise today.”

“This is a joke, and we are not really going?”

“No, bitch. Your friend Zach is joining today! Isn’t it great?”

“If there ever was a minimal chance I went to this masochist morning run, it died right after that.” James stood up and decided to go back to bed, but Alek threw himself at James, and they both landed on the floor.

“Come on. You promised. We are best friends, and that means we are supposed to spend time together.”

“Can’t we do that in a bar getting drunk like normal people? And by the way, if you haven’t noticed, I’m almost naked, and your running shorts are too short for you to be on top of me.”

“Nothing to worry about here. No weird vibes, right?” He wished he could just say ‘Not weird vibes. Just gay vibes, and this hard-on has everything to do with you on top of me, ’ but he couldn’t, so he nodded and stood up. Having lost this battle, he dressed up in his running gear and followed Alek outside.

“So how come you and Zach are best friends now? Do you braid each other’s hair? Share secrets?" James asked, warming up in the street in front of their building.

“We laughed a lot the other night at the bar after you left. He’s a nice guy, and I asked him to join us.”

“We had a call that night. He didn’t mention anything, but then again he had just puked after seeing the corpse.” James said, thinking about the case. After checking the scene, there hadn’t been any more work done. Doctor Sanders had officially left, so the autopsy had been delayed until Monday. On Saturday they talked to the victim’s relatives; same old story, no enemies, everybody loved her and nobody could believe it. James was waiting patiently for the day someone told them something bad about a victim, just for a change.

“Eh, come back from Wonderland, Alice. Your partner is waiting for us.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

They were lucky enough to be able to afford to live in front of a park, in one of those buildings with red bricks and emergency stairs, so they only needed to cross the street and start running. According to Alek, Zach was waiting for them in the park in one of the small squares. James and Alek trotted to the place, and it was then when James spotted his partner. He looked almost normal in his running gear. It was all fancy and hipster-ish somehow, nothing like  James’ old t-shirt and some running shorts Alek had given him for his birthday, something he hadn’t forgiven yet. Zach’s look wasn’t that bad until you saw his shoes.

“Aw come on, Zachary, what the fuck are those things?” James asked pointing to his partner’s feet.

“Running shoes.” Zach explained. 

“They have… toes. They’re the ugliest thing I’ve seen all morning, and I was woken up by this guy.” James pointed Alek, who was just silently laughing.

“Numerous studies show running barefoot is a lot better than-“

“Then take those aberrations off your feet and run barefoot.”

“They’re minimalist running shoes, they are very popular in-“

“In Williamsburg for sure. Let’s run and get this morning done with,” James said as he started running, “God, I hope nobody sees me with you. I have a reputation to maintain in the hood.” This time he did hear Alek’s laugh. The Hawaiian was laughing raucously and trying to run at the same time, while Zach was just smiling and keeping the pace James was setting.

Halfway through the few laps they were doing, Alek called James.

“Bro, two o’clock.” His friend told him.

James looked in that direction to spot a redhead running in tights, and a ponytail bouncing with each step. She was fairly hot, even though he was only seeing the back of the girl.

“I see what you mean.” Zach said suddenly appearing next to James.

“So, let’s make a sprint and see the front side as well?” Alek suggested.

James rolled his eyes. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested, he liked girls just fine, but he liked men a lot better. Alek surpassed the girl first, taking a good look at the poor girl, who seemed oblivious. Zach followed and lastly, James decided to reach his running mates but wasn’t going to bother checking the girl, it was too embarrassing.

“I was wondering if you’d come to look too.” The girl said when James was by her side.

“Excuse me?” He said, stupidly.

“You and your friends. Looking at me? Have you heard of subtly?”

“I’m so sorry. They are like overgrown teenagers. They can’t behave properly in front of a pretty girl,” and fuck him if that didn’t sound like flirting, “I have to go. I’m sorry about those jerks again.” He insisted and then left her behind to join the mentioned jerks.

“Dude, can you leave something for us?” Alek protested.

“I was apologizing. She totally caught us looking.”

“No way. She did? No way to introduce ourselves anymore now.”

“Does she live around?” Zach asked, looking at the girl, who was now running in the opposite direction.

“I don’t know, I guess she does, but I’ve never seen her before. Does she look familiar?” James asked Alek.

“Not at all. I wouldn’t forget a redhead.”

“Let’s have some breakfast guys, I know the perfect place.” Zach changed the topic suddenly; probably the run made him hungry.

“Is it close? How do you even know places around here?”

“Dude, I live in the apartment building next to yours.” James was stunned to hear that.

“Since when?”

“Jamie, he’s been living there for more than a year. You really didn’t know?” Alek intervened.

“Yeah, I did know, this is me knowing it.” Sometimes he wondered how he could be any good at his job when he paid so little attention to details. 

 

Like Zach had said, he knew a place. And since Alek was a sunshine of a guy, he decided to give the vegan, no dairy, gluten free place a chance. James wanted real coffee with real milk in a cup made out of bacon and a couple of eggs and some more bacon on top. Instead, he had some kind of bagel with some kind of fake cream inside. The worst part though was that he actually liked the place and the food, but he’d never admit that.

 

Back at his place and alone, James showered and got ready for work. He dressed up in a dark gray suit and got ready to leave, which meant he had breakfast again and took his badge, gun, and keys. Alek was waiting for him outside as always, wearing his black fatigues. James missed the good old days when he wore fatigues and spent half the day covered in sand, no shirts and ties.

“Do I see you in black and white?” Alek asked. “Why won’t you wear anything but black and white?” 

“The suit is gray.” James pointed out.

“Same difference. There are other colors, you know.”

“I have a navy suit.” Alek rolled his eyes.

“I thought we could wait for Zach, you know since we are friendly and all now.”

“For a whole year we didn’t walk with him to work. That’s not changing now.” 

James started walking, and Alek had to run a little to catch him.

“Dude, you have been bitter since Friday, everything alright?” James couldn’t bear when Alek was worried because he couldn’t just tell him what the problem was. He was in a mood because Friday night was a mess with Lance, and he couldn’t tell his best friend about it and get some comfort. 

“Nah, I’m fine, just tired. The new case looks bad.”

“The girl of the thousand stabs?”

“Yeah, that one. The new medical examiner starts today, she’ll have to deal with the worst first case possible.”

“It could be worse. Like ‘half eaten by a shark’ dead body, or ‘zombie resurrected’ dead body.” Alek said.

“Don’t forget ‘Frankenstein Monster’ dead body, I mean, imagine the corpse on your table is actually made of twenty different people.”

“That would be a pain in the ass. If I ever become a serial killer, I’ll do that.” Alek answered thoughtfully.

“Just don’t become a serial killer, I don’t want to have to go visit you in prison.”

“Like you would ever catch me.”

“If a corpse made of several corpses ever turns up in this state, you’ll be my prime suspect.”

“Challenge accepted.”

 

They got to the station and took their separate ways. Alek worked in the bomb disposal unit, full of freaks, according to James. Every man and woman in that team loved to see things blowing up, and they all could make explosives from scratch. James’ mom was still mad at Alek for teaching James’ nephew how to make a small explosive out of bleach. Apparently, the kid blew up the school lab.

When he got out of the elevator on his floor, he saw everybody gathered around the captain in the main room. He approached Zach, who somehow got there before him.

“What’s all this fuss for?”

“Captain is going to tell us something, I think.”

“Captain's daughter is getting married.” Braverman told them. She was shorter than them, but it wasn’t an issue for her. She could be as menacing and intimidating as any of her male counterparts. She used to keep her blond hair in a tight ponytail, wore suits, kicked ass, and in her free time, was a mother of two children and some lucky guy’s wife. 

“And who is the lucky-“

The Captain was talking with such a big smile on his face, it was disturbing. James always saw the captain like a grumpy guy who barked orders to everyone around. Seeing the old man smile was really freaking him out. But it got a lot worse when he introduced his future son in law. 

“You all know my little girl, Kathy.” The old man said, introducing his daughter. That was only the first surprise, Kathy was the very same girl they had met in the park that morning. She was standing there, next to her father obviously embarrassed for all the attention. “She’s been working with the DA for a few years now, and some time ago she met a good man in this precinct, and now, they are getting married.” Next to James, Sergeant Gray rolled his eyes, making him laugh, as quietly as possible. “Lance, son, come here and show everybody the huge rock you bought for my daughter.” 

Everybody started applauding and cheering up Lance, who walked towards the captain and Kathy. Everybody but James, who was so fucking stunned that he seemed frozen in time. Had the captain just said Lance had bought a ring for his daughter? As in an engagement ring? Was all this a joke? James needed to react before somebody saw him look at the happy couple with panic. 

“Wow, I didn’t see that coming,” Zach said beside him, making him react finally, “I knew there were rumors, but I didn’t expect them to marry this soon.”

“We all know who’s going to be the new Lieutenant after the gray fox retires.” Sarge said with a sardonic smile.

“If you are not the next lieutenant, I’m leaving this precinct.” Braverman added, completely serious.

“The guy is marrying the captain's daughter, for fuck sake. He’s gonna go far now.” Sarge said, looking bothered now.

“She’s marrying him because he’s rich. And he is marrying her because she’s someone’s daughter. They’ll have a few blond kids and will be Manhattan’s golden couple. What do you say, Knox?”

“I think this is all fucked up.” James said without emotion. That was the sentence he said every time he got stuck in something. “I need to-” He didn’t bother to end the sentence before leaving the room. He felt sick. He thought he was really going to throw up, so he headed for the restrooms. He wasn’t really looking, or rather seeing, where he was walking when he bumped into someone. 

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” The other person said. James had just walked into a young woman with huge glasses who seemed lost, looking around everywhere with her big brown eyes and long black curly hair she kept in a ponytail. She was now looking at him, worried. “Are you alright? You look a bit pale.”

“I’m perfectly fine. Thanks.” James said starting towards the men's room again.

“I’m Doctor Montemayor, I’m the new medical examiner, and I’m a bit lost-” she said, following him, but James didn’t hear the rest, instead ran to reach the restroom in time to throw up. 

Once he was done heaving, he sat on the floor.

“I would say you are ill.” Startled, James looked up to see the woman again, looking at him.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“You are sick, I’m a doctor.”

“For dead people.” James almost screamed. He was losing it. He was going to have a panic attack, and the only help he could count on right then was this crazy woman who had followed and watched him throw up.

“Listen to me, you are about to suffer a nervous breakdown. It will take three minutes for your adrenal glands to fill your body with adrenaline, but it also takes three minutes to stop the reaction. If you stop panicking now, in three minutes it’ll be over.” Her voice was soothing, and she was calm as fuck, even though James was sitting on the floor about to freak out. “Now relax and-“

“I’m having a fucking panic attack. Don’t you fucking tell me to relax, woman.”

“Take slow, deep, complete breaths. Like this.” She said, before doing so. The girl was insane doing yoga exercises in the middle of a crisis. James tried anyway. “Well done. Now say stop to yourself, scream it inside of your head, tell your body to stop the-“

“Can’t I yell at you instead? It would be easier.” James said, his voice shaking.

“I’m not causing this reaction, your mind is. Now keep breathing, tell your mind to stop.”

“This is ridiculous.” But again, James did as she told him. 

“You’ve been through this situation before, and you can get through it again, say it.”

“I’ve been through this before, I can get through it again.” James mumbled. His heart was beating fast, he was trembling, and a complete stranger was now kneeling next to him in the men’s restroom telling him, step by step, how to overcome a panic attack. She was good, and she was probably the only reason he wasn’t hyperventilating.

“You are doing great. Keep breathing, repeat your mantra.” What mantra? What the hell? James thought. “Now accept your feelings. Accept those emotions that made you feel like this, and keep breathing.”

Sooner rather than later, and probably in three minutes as she had said, he was feeling better. His heart rate was going back to normal, and he wasn’t shaking anymore.

“Better now?” She asked, putting her small hand on his shoulder.

“Yes. Thanks. You aren't half bad for being a doctor for dead people.” James offered with a weak smile.

“Thanks. You get those often? The panic attacks, I mean.”

“Not really.” She was still in the same position, waiting for a better answer. “Look, Doc, I’m not a-“

“Hey, Knox. You here?” Zach asked entering the restrooms. “Oh,” he said when he saw him on the floor with the doctor so close, “OH!” He freaked out when he spared her a second glance.

“Hi! I’m the new medical examiner. Is this your partner?” She asked.

“Yeah, he is,” James replied before Zach had the chance, “Zachary and I are from Homicide. I’m James, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you,“ she said standing, “I have to go. I’m supposed to be meeting the captain now. I guess I’ll see you around.”

With that, she was gone, and it took a few seconds for Zach to look back at him after he followed her with his eyes.

“Dude, who was that?” Zach asked with a brief blush.

“The new medical examiner.” He got up and went to wash her hands.

“Yeah, I heard that part. How come you were here hiding with her?”

“I wasn’t-” It wasn’t worth it to try and explain. Even worst, knowing Zach, he’d probably worry about the panic attack and would ask why it happened. And now that Zach was friends with Alek, he might tell him. James didn’t need that. “I was feeling sick from your vegan breakfast and came to vomit. She is a doctor, so she came to… assist me.” James left the restroom and went back to his desk. The room was now half empty so people must have gone back to work.

“Do you like her? I mean, she seemed very nice, and you were alone in there.”

“I just met her Zachary.” James said, trying to go back to their normal dynamics. “If you like her, she’s all yours. I’d pick Captains daughter though.” He added.

“Ha! I always knew you had a thing for redheads.” 

“That statement excludes you.” James pointed at him. “Now tell me, what did I miss?”

“Not much, everybody congratulated Lance, you should go too. Oh, and we are all invited to the bachelor party. The guys want to drag him to a strip club. Do you like strip clubs?”

“You know Zachary, I love the sound you make when you shut up, so please.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” 

James felt like hitting his head against the desk.

“Knox, Willows, Braverman, and Coleman. My office, now.” The lieutenant yelled from the door.

“What now?” James asked no one in particular. 

The four detectives headed to the office, where the lieutenant and Sergeant Gray were waiting.

“Guys, the FBI has contacted us, they are interested in your case.” Lieutenant Flannegan said.

“Which case?” Lance asked. Technically the case was assigned to James and Zach, so Lance and Juliet didn’t need to be there. “The girl with the thousand stabs?”

“It wasn’t a thousand. And yes, that one. That crazy bitch from the FBI thinks the Butcher strikes again every time a woman dies in the state.” Flannegan had stopped pretending to be on good terms with the FBI long time ago. And since the Butcher’s case, it was even worse, or so had James heard. 

“Isn’t the butcher case closed? The guy was killed, right?” Asked Zach.

“That’s right. But as I said, Agent Ellis is crazy. The girl never got over that case, and now she keeps chasing ghosts.”

“Why are we here Lieutenant? I thought this was Knox’s case.” Juliet inquired.

“Technically, you two are working with Knox and Willows, for support. For them and the FBI, that is. Cooperate and collaborate with the feds, but don’t let them get comfortable. And please, Knox, don’t start a brawl this time. I appreciated it, but just don’t do it again.” For some reason, after saying that, he looked at Juliet, which meant she had to make sure they all got along. 

“Great, I’m the nanny again.”

“So, since we are on the case now, what do we know so far?” Lance asked, all business. Every time he spoke, James’ blood boiled. He wanted to punch him or strangle him or just ask him what the fuck was going on. He made a massive effort to stop those thoughts right away; he couldn’t afford another meltdown. He breathed in and out like the doctor had told him. “Knox? You okay?” Of course, he had to notice James doing breathing exercises in the middle of the office. 

“Yeah. Just… mentally preparing for working with the feds again.” He lied. After lying for so long, he could come up with something in almost any situation.

“Alright, guys,” Gray started, “the new medical examiner is going to perform the autopsy today. We asked her not to wait for the feds. They’ll show up any time now, and they don’t share, so we need any additional info as soon as possible. Aside from that, we’ll work with what we have for now.”

They all followed him to one of the conference rooms and picked seats. The room had a large table and a dozen chairs. James intended to sit as far from Lance as physically possible in the room, but  Lance sat right beside him and touched his thigh while looking at him concerned. He was probably the only person in the room who knew him well enough to know something was off. Deep breaths, James reminded himself.

They started going through the files they had, which were not much. What they knew so far was that the victim’s name was Melissa Taylor, she was 27, she had no enemies, and was single at the moment of her death. They had nothing on the ex-boyfriend, coworkers, nor relatives. Every single person questioned said she was a great girl, and everybody loved her, which obviously was not true because she was dead now, James thought. 

She had been stabbed to death, and her body was found in Hell’s Kitchen, even though the victim had no business there, she didn’t live close, had no friends there, and her job was in Upper Manhattan. Nobody knew what could have brought her to that part of the island. And finally, and as useless as the rest, her body was discovered by some drunk guy who didn’t see anyone or anything. Basically, they had nothing.

Lance and Juliet caught up very quickly since there wasn’t much information to start with; so they started discussing theories.

“It’s got to be a cult.” Lance said. “Too many wounds, sounds ritualistic, doesn’t it?”

“It’s a possibility.” Juliet admitted.

“Or it might be a copycat.” James proposed. He didn’t really think this was a simple crime. Nobody stabs someone thirty times just because. Most of the time, homicides were the result of circumstances and opportunity, but this was different. Also, he just wanted to contradict whatever Lance said. 

“Copycat of the Butcher?” Zach asked. “Maybe the feds are right to suspect. Do we have files on that? Maybe there was a victim with this same MO.”

“There was not.” Sarge interrupted. “Those girls were all cut open. There was no stabbing, but some of the bodies were so mutilated it was hard to tell.”

“You were in the task force, Sarge?” Zach asked. It was likely, Flannegan and Sergeant Gray had been together in the force for decades. If Flannegan had led that investigation, Gray had been there for sure.

“I was. And let me tell you guys, you don’t want this to be another high profile case. I really hope Ellis is in the wrong this time.”

They remained silent for a few moments, thinking about what Gray had said. A high-profile case could make you famous and relevant but also end your career. Or make you insane like Agent Ellis. If the press started making a big deal out of it, they would be in trouble. Everybody was probably thinking about how famous they would be, and what would be the title for their book about the serial killer. Everyone but James. He still had Lance’s hand on his thigh and was doing his best to keep his mind busy, so he went back to the murder.

“I don’t think it was an ordinary murder.” James said, breaking the silence and looking at the pictures. “You’d need time and planning to stab someone so many times. The evidence in the scene show no sign of the body being moved, so I think the killer knew when and where to find her.”

“But why would she be there?” Zach asked. “She had no business there, we know that.”

“Maybe somebody asked her to go there. Maybe the killer staged it?” James tried. Lance patted his leg under the table before talking.

“I insist. This looks ritualistic. We should search for cults in the area. And also check out moon cycles and stuff. Was it a full moon that night?” James wanted to think his theory was stupid, but it wasn’t, not completely, it actually fit with James assumptions. 

The short time he and Lance were partnered was only good because they had had sex on a daily basis thanks to having an excuse to get out of the office together. But that aside, they argued all the time and couldn’t agree on almost anything. They even fought about the brand of condoms to use or where to have lunch. 

And still, it was a pity because they sort of worked in bed, which was the closest James had had to a relationship with another man. But excluding that, they had nothing in common. Lance was born in privilege, and it showed, while James had worked his ass off since he was eighteen and joined the Marines. Lance probably went to college and rebelled against his parents, becoming a cop instead of a politician or a lawyer or inheriting daddy’s money.

Whatever, James thought, mentally shrugging his shoulders. He had Zach now. Big, red, soft-hearted Zach. He liked Zach because Zach liked everyone, even him. Zach was patient with him and listened to everything he said because, for some reason he couldn’t fathom, Zach thought he was a genius and an expert in crime-solving. He liked that--that someone thought he was so good at something. Not that he would ever admit any of that, but he liked it.

Soon enough, interrupting whatever Lance was discussing with Juliet, Gray’s phone rang. The Sergeant told them that the FBI had arrived at the station, and that the ME was already busy with the autopsy so they would be meeting her now. The FBI could wait as far as Sarge was concerned.


	3. Chapter 3

Ethan had learned a few things about the dynamics of the team during that first week, for example, Iglesias always was the driver. He was the member of the team with more traffic accident reports, and more damage caused to official vehicles, so it didn’t make much sense, but he had already given up on trying to understand everything, so he was alright with it.

Lena always took the passenger seat, and the back seats were now his and McAdams’s. During the short drive to the police station, Ethan re-read the brief report and asked a few questions about the Butcher’s case. According to Lena, there were a few victims not included in the main file, there was not a clear connection, but she believed those murders were committed by the same man who would be known as the Butcher, years before the canonical victims.

“Some of those women were stabbed to death, just like this. It could be starting again, and this might mean those victims were his as well. The Butcher I mean.” Lena said, with a sigh.

“Boss, even if it has something to do with it, it would be an imitator, the guy is dead.”

“Nobody outside the case knew about those previous victims, it’s not even in those stupid books about it. Thank god that snake of a reporter didn’t get that information.” Ethan has also learned Lena had a very long blacklist that included politicians, reporters, coworkers, and some cops. The mentioned reporter was probably Michaela St. James, who followed the whole case, claimed to have been assaulted by the Butcher himself and had also written a book about it all, of course.

“That’s because she couldn’t sleep with you. Half of her book was written thanks to that.” Iglesias explained to Ethan. “The chick slept with every man involved in the case.”

“Her book was a best seller, so I guess it paid off.” Ethan voiced.

“Some of those men were good agents, sadly they thought with their dicks and now are doing desk duty in some shitty city in Montana or something like that,” Lena added. Iglesias stopped the car, and all of them got out. Iglesias had parked in a place reserved for police vehicles, but apparently, it wasn’t important enough for them to care.

“Let’s go directly to the lab, these bastards have probably started without us,” Lena ordered, pushing the elevator button.

As soon as they were in the forensic lab, Lena’s words proved to be true. A young woman attired in black scrubs was explaining something to a small group while signaling the body on the operation table.

“Gentlemen, starting without us?” Lena asked with one of her mischievous smiles, entering the room without knocking.

“Agent Ellis, we are in a hurry here, we had no time to-” It was the big African-American guy, slightly older than the others, the one who spoke. Ethan took a moment to scan the cops in the room. There was the big guy, probably the sergeant in charge. With him, there were two other men, all three dressing suits, but nothing as fancy as the FBI style.

“Bullshit, Gray. We are taking over the case. Doctor, what can you tell us?” Lena asked directly to the medical examiner, who was clearly an acquaintance.

“Well, hello to you too, Agent Ellis. Agent McAdams, Iglesias. I was telling my coworkers that, as the preliminary report done by Doctor Sanders showed, the victim was stabbed thirty-nine times.”

“We knew that already,” Lena said, impatiently.

“Ellis, we have to work together in this case, let’s be civil, shall we?” Again, the sergeant was the one speaking. “Let me introduce my team,” he proposed.

His team looked too tired to be still that early in the morning, Ethan thought. Sometimes he couldn’t help analyzing the people around him, and it was a good training anyway. The Sergeant introduced the red-haired guy with a hipster-ish beard as Detective Willows. He was quite pale and looked sick. He probably was new in the homicide division and wasn’t’ accustomed to dead bodies in such bad shape. He was probably the younger of them.

The other guy, detective Knox, with green tormented eyes and dark blond hair, was, by all means, handsome. In other circumstances, it would have been tempting to try and figure out what hid under all those layers of fake indifference. Ethan smiled to himself reminding that ever since he had got to New York, Karma had been a bitch as usual and had thrown way too many guys he couldn't or shouldn't have on his way.

Lena introduced them to the team of detectives and finally allowed the doctor to go on.

“The time of the death was between ten and midnight. As I said, there were a total of thirty-nine stab wounds, twenty-one of them reached vital organs.” The ME explained, pointing the wounds along the body. “There were five to the left hung, two to the right one, one to the heart, five to the liver, two more on the spleen-”

“Zach, get out,” Detective Knox said suddenly, interrupting the doctor. The other detective left the room immediately, looking even sicker than before, and no one said a word about it. As the doctor resumed her report, Ethan got stuck looking at the detective again. Now that he paid more attention, the guy looked tense, like he was making an effort to remain still. The neck of his shirt and his tie were slightly undone, and his hair looked already messy. Ethan shook his head and tried to pay attention to the doctor again.

“And finally six more to the stomach. The killer seemed focused on the breasts, the belly, and the groin area.”

“Right-handed?” Detective Knox asked, looking at the body and tilting his head like he was trying to see it from a better angle.

“That’s right.”

“That discards the Butcher, doesn’t it, Agent Ellis?” Knox asked. The guy was trouble, Ethan realized.

“Oh, does it? The Butcher’s killings were committed by a left-handed perpetrator, that’s true, but since this might be the work of an imitator, we are still taking over.” Lena said in the same sassy tone the detective has just used.

“Knox,” Sergeant Gray said before the detective could answer.

“If you are done with that, I’ll go on. The wounds were probably inflicted with an ordinary knife, maybe a razor knife. Well, all the wounds but one actually. This one in the sternum,” the doctor pointed an incision that indeed looked different than the others, “This was caused by a different kind of knife, something bigger.”

“What kind of knife? A hunting knife? A butcher’s knife?” McAdams asked.

“More like a dagger. I found particles in most of the wounds, I hope that leads us to the weapons. There weren’t hair or fibers on the body, no marks, no signs of a fight. We are waiting for the results of the toxicology test, so for now, that’s all I can tell you.

“Any indication of the victim being drugged?” Lena asked, without raising her eyes from the body.

“I didn’t find anything yet, there are no syringe marks nor traces of other chemicals.”

“So she probably was conscious during the…stabbing?” Ethan asked.

“Most likely, yes. She probably went into shock. It must have been a terrible and agonic way to die.”

“Such comforting words, thank you, Doctor,” Knox said. The sergeant rolled his eyes beside him. “I’ll go find Zach, excuse me,” he said leaving the room.

The poor ME complained about too many people in the laboratory, so they all left and were guided to a conference room in the homicide unit floor. In the room there were already two detectives, a man, and a woman, going through files.

“Agents, these are detectives Braverman and Coleman,” Sergeant Gray said pointing at the woman and the man, respectively. The guy checked out Ethan discreetly, but he noticed. The guy wasn’t bad, but he looked too full of himself with his expensive suit and his perfectly groomed appearance.

Shortly after, Detective Knox was back with his partner, and they all sat around the table, discussing the files and what they knew. They were all sharing opinions and discussing, all but Detective Knox, who was sitting in front of Ethan. He had his eyes on Ethan, but it was obvious he was seeing through him and not at him.

“Look, Detective Coleman, I’m sure your dad pay for the best education you could get, but the fact the killer used a dagger for one of the wounds doesn’t make it part of a ritual. We don’t know it was a dagger,” Lena’s words brought Ethan back, but Knox was still somewhere else.

“Kid,” Sergeant Gray snapped his fingers in front of Knox, startling him. “I need you to come back here,” He whispered. It seemed strange that the sergeant was talking in such a cautious tone like, he didn’t mean to scare the detective. These people had weird dynamics, but so did his team.

“Alright, enough of this bullshit. McAdams and Iglesias find out why the girl was there, and have Nyoko get whatever was on her cell phone. Ethan, you stay here with me and do that thing you are supposed to do.” Lena said standing up.

“Profiling, boss?”

“Yes. Sergeant, I need access to all the evidence. Also, I want to know who’s been interviewed.”

“Sure, but we’ll expect the same courtesy, and we want the cell phone information as well.”

“Whatever. Where is the Lieutenant? I want to speak to him,” Lena was really worked up by now. She and the sergeant left the room, leaving Ethan alone with the four detectives.

“So, Zach, I heard you got sick again?” Coleman asked the other detective.

“You haven’t seen the body, Lance. It’s- It’s terrible what was done to her.”

“Dorothy, you are not in Kansas anymore, so man up already,” Coleman said laughing.

“Can we go back to work, guys?” Braverman tried, but it was too late.

“So, if Zachary is Dorothy, who are you? The Tinman or the Cowardly Lion?” James asked. The question made the other detective grin.

“Good point, as always, Knox.”

“So, Agent Holiday, as a profiler, what do you think?” Zachary asked, seeming uncomfortable with the sudden silence and the looks Knox and Lance were exchanging.

“Not much by now, we really have too little to work with,” Ethan explained. It was true, he couldn’t say much, they had only one victim, and multiple stabbing could mean several things.

“Oh come on, what do they teach you in Quantico? Did the killer had a difficult childhood?” Coleman asked.

“I cannot say yet, detective. I only went to the FBI Academy and have a forensic and criminal psychology masters, in addition to my psychiatry degree, but I’m afraid I am not able to identify a person or write a profile based on this little information.”

“That’s amazing. Not many detectives here have a degree, you know?” Ethan decided then that Zach was too nice to be a homicide detective. “Actually, both Lance and James here have degrees. Right?”

“That’s right. I also have a masters in criminal law, by the University of Columbia,” Lance said. Yes, daddy had paid big money for that, but Ethan wasn’t having any of it.

“Good to know you could afford sixty grand a year to end up becoming a cop.” Ethan smiled. Coleman finally shut up, and Knox tried to hide a smug smile, but again, Ethan noticed.

 

They started talking the case again and even managed to do it without another pissing contest. Coleman insisted in the ritualistic nature of the murder, Braverman half supported that, and Knox just rejected that theory. They made a preliminary profile agreeing that the killer might be a man in his thirties, who probably had some kind of complex about women, all of this supposing the victim didn’t know her killer. Ethan explained that in many cases like this one, the killer was impotent and sought sexual stimulation through the killing. That idea sickened Zachary, who openly said that.

“There are many people like that out there Zach,” James said distractedly eyeing some report, “And like in Pokemon, you gotta catch them all.”

“It’s not funny, Jamie. Those people are sick.”

“No, they are not. Unless there is a voice inside their heads telling them to kill people, they are not sick.” James replied, looking at his partner. Wich was more or less true, Ethan thought. At least legally talking.

It was around noon when the sergeant had to take Braverman and Coleman from the team to put them back to their other cases, which left him alone with detectives Knox and Willows. Lena had gone MIA since she went to speak with the Lieutenant, and McAdams and Iglesias must be busy with Nyoko back in the office.

Once Coleman left the room, the air changed and seemed a lot less tense and they started working more comfortably. Knox and Willows worked well together. Willows asked questions, and Knox would answer them, mentioning any older case that might have been similar.

“That’s where we should start. We should bring in similar cases that are unsolved, and also the Butcher’s Files, just in case.” Ethan suggested.

“Do you think this is not the first victim?” Knox asked knowingly.

“It’s a possibility. We can’t discard anything yet. Can you get files for any other similar cases?”

“I’ll go,” Willows said. “I can also bring us some lunch. Are you feeling better?” He asked James, who seemed at lost.

“Feeling better?”

“You were sick this morning. You feel like eating something now?”

“Oh. Yeah, that. Bring me something with meat. And don’t be a smartass and bring the snake thing again. Get me a cheeseburger. With bacon.”

“Whatever. Agent Holiday?”

“Oh, don’t worry about me, I’ll probably head out soon.”

“Okay then.” With Willows gone, they remained silent for a few seconds, just looking at each other, like they hadn’t had a chance all morning.

“So tell me, is the Texan guy the one that once hit a judge?” Knox asked.

“I guess he is some sort of celebrity for that. He is. Have worked with them before?”

“No, but I’ve heard about them. Sergeant Gray worked with them last year I think. And it’s pretty obvious he and your boss have a history.”

“Yeah, I think so.” Uncomfortable silence again. “This Coleman dude, what’s his problem?” That was a legit question.

“That he is a massive jerk and the center of the universe. And he is marrying the captain’s daughter, so we are not getting rid of him anytime soon,” Knox said tiredly.

“That explains why he is so full of himself,” He conceded. But it didn’t explain that Coleman was into men. That was indeed fucked up. And so was the not so subtle looks coming from the other side of the table. Was Knox checking him out so blatantly? “Do you want a picture? It’ll last longer.”

“Sorry, what?” Knox said. Ethan thought he could have misread the looks, maybe Knox had just spaced out again?

“Sorry, I thought you were… never mind.”

“I didn’t catch your name, and I’m not comfortable not knowing.”

“Oh, Ethan, Ethan Holiday.”

“I’m James, but as you've seen, nobody cares. But Zach, he calls me James sometimes.”

“He seems too nice a guy for this job, doesn’t he?”

“He is too nice for this. He is a smart guy, he worked hard for this job, and he deserves it.” James said serious. “And for the record, I’m not saying somebody else doesn’t.”

“Don’t worry, even if you said it with actual words, I wouldn’t disagree.” James grinned, and so did Ethan.

“I have to admit that it made my day when you brought up paying for Ivy League education just to end up being a cop. I could hear his blood boiling,” James said with another smile. He had a beautiful smile, but Ethan could still see so much sadness in James’ features.

“He seems like a piece of work,” Ethan had observed how James generally reacted to Lance. He was uncomfortable and anxious, or at least that’s what Ethan could get from his body language when Lance had been in the room. It might be nothing, but now Ethan was intrigued.

Suddenly, James stilled, and every chance of reading his mood died right there. It was like he had put on a mask and there were no feelings anymore.

“You are like a shrink, right?” James asked in a flat tone.

“Not exactly, I don’t treat people, I make profiles, analyze behaviors and that sort of things,” He explained.

“Well then, since I’m not a serial killer, please, stop trying to analyze my behavior and that sort of things with me,” He said leaning on the table and getting closer. After that, he stood up completely and left the room, leaving Ethan puzzled and completely alone in the room.

It was probably about time to go back to the office anyway and see if the rest of the team had something worth sharing, so Ethan took his cue and left.

 

****

For James, the day had started bad, then turned worse and now was reaching a whole new level with the FBI guy playing shrink on him.

First came the Lance thing, then the panic attack, and when he was already done with the whole day, around ten in the morning, the FBI comes in with that guy. Well, the entire FBI team bothered him, Lena Ellis was a rude and bitchy, sure, and the other two guys were probably as fucked up as her. But then was the other guy. Agent Ethan Holiday. The guy was hot, James hadn’t thought he had a type, but now he was pretty sure that tall, dark and dangerous looking was it, and that’s exactly how Agent Holiday was. It all was going presumably well, but then James had noticed. He had spent enough time with shrinks to know when someone is reading the mood and observing your body language carefully. Every time that someone had done that to him, it had ended up badly.

The worst part was that for a second he thought the guy might have been interested in him. Not that it would have meant anything, but it would have been nice to have someone liking him, even just a tiny little bit, the same day all the hopes he denied he had were crushed.

Now James was running away from all that, the whole morning had been too much for him. He even congratulated himself for being able to focus on the case for twenty minutes at a time.

At times like this, he just wanted to grab Alek and tell him everything so he could bitch and possibly cry about his problems and have someone who would agree with him. But he couldn’t do that. So he just went out, called Zach and told him that there was a change of plans and to meet him in the pub for lunch instead of picking up something.

The heat was worse than ever at noon, so the short walk from the station to the pub felt like he was walking through hell instead of Lower Manhattan. When he reached the pub, he saw Zach waiting for him outside.

“What are you doing outside? It’s so fucking hot I saw hobbits throwing rings around here,” James said.

“Was waiting for you. And come on, it’s not that bad.”

“Not that bad? I need a shower and new clothes.”

They got in and looked if their usual table was empty. It was. Finally, something good happened to him. He sat, and Zach followed suit.

“So how did it go with the FBI guy? Was he nice to you?”

“Why the hell do you ask that?”

“Lance was complaining about him. He said the guy was rude and all that. If we are going to work together, we all are going to have to make an effort to get along. Especially Lance, he really doesn’t like agent Holiday.”

“Lance can go fuck himself, it’s not up to him who we work with. Yet. I think.”

“Hi guys,” Barry greeted. “How you doing?”

“I’m hungry. And thirsty. I want a cheeseburger with bacon. A lot of bacon. And a coke. Icy.”

“I’ll have the veggie burger and another coke, Barry.”

“Alright. Anything else?” before James said something weird, Zach stated that they didn’t need anything and Barry left.

“You are weird today. I mean, weirder than usual.”

“Thanks for noticing Zach, you are a sweetheart.”

“It wasn’t a compliment, James,” Zach explained. James sighed and prayed for patience for the rest of the day because none of his problems was Zach’s fault. He breathed deeply and tried his best to relax.

“It’s alright, I was kidding. How are you handling the body thing?”

“Can we… talk about it later, since we are about to eat and all?”

“Yeah, right, sorry. So, first impression of the feds?” James asked, looking for a less gruesome topic.

“To be honest, I expected them to look more professional. They were all pretty rude. Is it always like that?” While Zach was talking, Barry came by bringing the drinks.

“I haven’t work with feds that much, you know? Sarge in the other hand…” he shrugged one shoulder before drinking half his coke. He didn’t lie when he said he was thirsty.

“I hope we wrap up this case soon.”

“Me too, Zach, me too.”

 

The conversation evolved into something a little bit more cheerful, and for a little while, James forgot about some of his problems. They had to be back at work soon, so they finished their food, James joked about Zach rabbit food, and eventually, they headed back to the precinct.

They went back to the conference room and back to work on their own. It was a lot easier for James to work with Zach, just with Zach. With Lance close, he couldn’t think straight. Or think at all. And with the feds, at least with Holiday, he now felt vulnerable and focused more on keeping his walls up than on the case. A while later, Braverman joined them and let them know Lance wouldn’t be working on the task force that much since they had other cases. She also hinted this came from the captain. It was evident that not even Lance’s partner was comfortable with his upcoming marriage.

“Are the feds coming back today?” James asked as casually as he could.

“Yeah, later in the afternoon. Agent Ellis had a few words with the Lieutenant, and they agreed to work together till we can discard any relation with the butcher, once we do that, we’ll have the feebs out of our hair.”

“Where do we start? We have nothing,” Zach complained.

“The toxicology results came, there were no drugs. The victim had drunk some wine, but not enough to be inebriated.” Juliet explained.

“So she had a glass of wine. Maybe she was having dinner with someone?”

“Not that anybody knew. She was supposed to meet her friends at some club in SoHo, and she was allegedly going there from her apartment.” Braverman said. They already knew all the information by heart.

“Did she take a cab? An Uber? Do we have her phone?” James asked.

“The FBI took it. They have ‘better’ experts on cracking things.” Juliet answered while she reviewed the pictures again.

“Because they hire the people who hack them in the first place,” James agreed, “so, let’s say that she has a glass of wine at home and then she takes a cab or an Uber to go to the club, but the driver has other plans.”

“It’s a possibility, "Juliet nodded, "but unless we have her phone, we cannot know about the Uber and unless she paid with credit card… It’s barely impossible to find which cab picked up a girl on a Friday night.”

“If she took a cab, probably took it near her place, we can try luck with traffic cameras.” Zach proposed.

“I’ll go get the tapes. Try to contact the feebs for the Uber thing.”

 

After Juliet left, they kept proposing possibilities. The victim could have taken the subway, a bus, or maybe someone picked her up, but that was more unlikely. Zach was talking to him, probably saying something important, but James’ eyes had caught a glimpse of Agent Holiday getting off the elevator. He was on the phone and walking towards the conference room, but instead if going in, he stayed outside, still on the phone. James leaned back in his chair to have a better view of the agent, still ignoring his partner. The agent was few inches taller than him, probably around Zach’s height. James’ eyes wandered through the other man’s body, he was fit, it was obvious even with a suit on, and he had beautiful hands. It was a weird thought, James knew, but he like that in another man. James was tilting his head now, trying to figure the color of Ethan’s eyes, he thought they were some shade of something between brown and green, but he couldn’t tell. He was thinking how would it be to mess with Ethan’s perfectly groomed hair when Ethan looked straight at him from outside the room. This time Ethan had caught him staring, and there was no way out of it. James kept looking because if he averted his eyes now, he would look guilty. They stared at each other for a few more seconds and then Ethan turned around and started pacing again, still talking on his phone.

“Just let me know when you are done staring so we can keep working,” He suddenly heard Zach say.

“What?” James asked bewildered.

“You were staring at Agent Holiday, weren’t you?”

“What? No! Of course not.” James lied. “It’s just that he’s wearing a really nice suit. Seems expensive.”

“Yeah,” Zach agreed but didn’t seem convinced, “Looks like the kind of stuff Lance would wear. You think they make big money in the FBI? Or maybe he was already rich?”

“He sure studied in some fancy university, so he probably comes from a wealthy family. What you were saying earlier?”

“Before you got lost looking at Holiday?” James grunted something resembling a yes. “I was asking what would happen if there have been other murders like this.”

“We would have to investigate if they are related.”

“And if they are? Could it be a serial killer?”

“I guess it’s a possibility, but don’t go all crazy about it. This is not one of those cases.”

“How do you know? We could be facing a new Ted Bundy, or Jack the Ripper or-“

“Or we could be facing just some random guy who is impotent and wanted to screw the chick and couldn’t and stabbed her thirty-nine times because he is nuts,” James said.

“That’s unlikely,” Someone said behind him. He hadn’t heard the door, and now Ethan was sitting next to him, with a shit-eating grin and clearly pleased with himself.

“Why do you think so?”

“We found several unsolved cases with similarities.”

“How many are ‘several’ and what do you mean by ‘similarities’? James asked while praying it wasn’t a serial killer.

“We found three other similar cases,” he said, “We'll have the files here soon. All I can tell you by now is that in all three cases, the victims were mutilated.”

“Great. Zach, maybe you want to skip this part of the investigation since we ate less than two hours ago.”

“I’ll manage, thanks for your concern, James.”

They all remained silent for a while, and James felt Ethan’s eyes on him, he didn’t need to look at him to know the bastard was probably smiling. And doing the psychologist thing. Fortunately, Braverman came back with some officers carrying several evidence boxes, giving them something to do, besides share air in the uncomfortable silence.

“These are the cases we found similar,” She explained to Ethan. “They are the same you asked for.”

“Did you find something about the traffic cameras?” James asked.

“The computer guys are looking into that now.”

“Why are you checking the traffic cameras?” Ethan asked.

“We thought that she might have taken a cab or an Uber, maybe the driver knows why she was in Hell's Kitchen,” Zach explained. Braverman and James looked at each other, probably thinking the same. Zach was too good a guy for this case, and probably for this job altogether.

“I see. Were you guys planning to share that?” Ethan asked, slightly upset.

“Are you guys planning to share whatever you find on the victim’s phone?” James retorted.

“We are solving a murder, maybe more than one, we need to work together,” Ethan said calmly like he was talking to a child.

“Whatever. Just let us know if she called a cab or asked for an Uber.”

“She didn’t call for any of those. At least not from the phone we have, and I don’t think she had another one.”

“She could have stopped a cab in the street. Unless a traffic camera caught that we might still have nothing.”

Ethan sighed and opened the first folder. “We have some Anna Meyers. She was admitted in the Presbyterian suffering from numerous stabs in the legs and lower part of her body.”

“Wait, she was admitted? She’s alive? When did this happen?” James asked.

“She’s not, she died days after. This was months ago, in February,” Ethan looked thoughtful now.

“You think that was the first? And he fucked up. And then tried again, don’t you?” James asked, afraid to be right.

“It looks like it.” Ethan conceded.

“Well, if you are both right, he screwed the next time as well,” Braverman said. She had started with the next folder and was looking at the files and pictures. Zach was doing none of that. “March 28, Alice Wallace, some guy knocked at the door and assaulted her when she opened. Stabbed her twice and took her money and other valuable items.

“This doesn’t look like the same guy, right?” Zach asked.

“The MO is not the same, but let’s suppose the first murder was an accident-“

“Because you stab a woman in the legs and abdomen a dozen times ‘by accident’” James added and Ethan pretended he didn’t hear him.

“And he liked it. Or it was a test to himself. The second one would be something a bit more premeditated.”

“There were no suspects in any of these cases?” Braverman wondered aloud while shaking her head. “Three women assassinated and all three cases are unsolved? Nobody found similarities?”

“Jules,” James tried to placate her, but she was right to be upset.

“What if it’s not the same person? These cases will go back to the cold case shelf and will die there. It's not fair.”

“Look, Jules. I’m sure this bothers you a lot, but let’s just focus and put our bitchiness to use,” James had no patience to be any nicer than that. He was having a terrible, not good, bad, awful day, and still had half of it to go through. He sighed loudly and took the last folder since Zach had pretended it didn’t exist.

The last victim was different, it was the only one who wasn’t a young woman. Emily Summers, she was divorced and had two kids. She was killed just eight days after Alice Wallace, which was odd. According to the report, she had been beaten and raped and had died in the hospital from her wounds the same night.

“This one doesn’t fit with the rest. This victim was older, had kids. It’s not even the same profile of victim, why did you ask for it?” James asked Ethan. “Besides, the medical examiner suggests there was more than one perpetrator. This one doesn’t match,” He added, dropping the folder on the table.

“Don’t discard it so soon, James,” Ethan asked. James felt funny hearing the other man saying his name. It sounded good. Zach coughed and kicked his leg under the table, making him come back from that thought.

“Sorry, what?” He asked. Ethan sighed again and rolled his eyes. Good, he seemed annoyed. Welcome to the club, James thought, smiling to himself. Zach was looking at him weird now.

“Can we talk to the detectives in charge of these cases?” Ethan asked.

“What for? They didn’t do shit about it then. They're not going to be helpful now.”

“James, try to be a little less negative. Agent Holiday is trying to help.”

“Me too, I’m helping us not to waste time we might not have if it is indeed a serial killer.”

“Alright, James, what do you suggest we should do next?” Ethan asked. It was the twentieth suggestion of Ethan's that James had shut down. He was probably feeling the beginnings of frustration.

“Let’s read first the autopsy reports. Look for the weapon, maybe it matches with some other victim, maybe even with our case.”

“We have nothing on the weapon yet.”

“We know there were two weapons, the knife, and the dagger. Maybe one of them was used in the other murders.” Ethan nodded his head.

“Alright, let’s do that. But then will talk to the other detectives.”

“Whatever, Ethan,” James said, just to call the special agent by his name.

 

The rest of the afternoon was as unsuccessful. Ethan was fed up with him, Juliet didn’t care anymore, and Zach had given up trying to be the mediator. All they got was a bunch of phone conversations with the medical examiners and the other detectives that took them nowhere. James was grateful the day was over, and after Ethan had left, his coworkers started picking up their belongings to do the same. James had to recover his jacket before leaving, but on the way to his desk, Lance stopped him.

“Hey,” the other man greeted him, “I thought I’ll never get you alone.”

“You won’t, I’m leaving,” James took his jacket and started walking towards the elevator, but Lance followed.

“Don’t be like that, I want to explain.”

“There’s no need. It’s all pretty clear to me.”

“Jamie, come on, meet me in the pub?” Lance pleaded.

“What for, Lance?” James asked, stopping to look at the other man. It took Lance a few seconds to answer.

“So we can talk.”

“Talk to your fiancée.”

James got in the elevator leaving Lance dumbfounded. He probably didn’t expect James to be so bitter. But James was hurt, and that bothered him. He decided he would go straight to the pub and would drink himself into a stupor. If Lance showed up, he could always ignore him. Besides, Lance wouldn’t try anything in a bar full of cops who knew him. He trusted Barry enough to know he would stop serving him and would put him in a cab when he was shitfaced.


	4. Chapter 4

James didn’t stay too long in the pub after all. The crowd of the Mondays after work was depressing, and that was the last thing he needed that night.

He decided on his way home that what he did need was to let off some steam. In less than an hour, he was back on the streets and on his way to one of the many clubs that opened every night. Lucky him, this was New York, and there would always be an open club, a crowd, a party and someone willing.

On his way to the SoHo, he started feeling ridiculous and self-conscious for doing something as stupid and irresponsible as clubbing on a weeknight just because he had been dumped. Or something like that. James had been doing his best to ignore the messages he was receiving on his phone. He didn’t need to check to know they were all from Lance.

He got to a famous gay club close to the SoHo and was glad to see there was no line to get in. The last time he had been there, during some time off with Lance, he had to wait at least half an hour to be able to enter the club, just for a few drinks and a quickie inside. Somehow, that wasn’t a bad prospect for that night though.

The club was famous for his crazy parties with local celebrities and well-known DJs and also for the action that happened in the back. The club had a long bar with a few barmen, a large dance floor and several stages for gogo dancers.

Once inside the bar, he was again surprised by the city’s nightlife. The club was packed to be a Monday night, and people were partying like it was the weekend. He walked towards the bar, exchanging a few looks with several guys and then tried to get the barman’s attention to order a beer.

Since the closest guy behind the bar seemed busy flirting and preparing shots for a small group of young guys, most likely not old enough to drink or even be inside the club, he turned and scanned the club. At least half the guys were twinks, but there were also a few big guys, a small group wearing leather and the usual guys who wore glitter as an accessory.

When he turned to the bar again, the barman was still too busy, but now right next to him a gorgeous man was trying to order as well. The guy looked like one of those firefighters from sexy calendars, or so thought James. The other man had broad shoulders and a strong jaw, the kind of thing he liked in men. James didn’t even bother to be discreet while taking a good look, you were not discreet in a gay club if you wanted to get laid. Or at all.

“Sorry, you are not my type,” the man said, not even bothering to look at James.

“Jeez, is not like I wanted to donate blood, I just want to fuck,” James answered in the same disinterested tone. That made the guy turn and look at him.

“With that attitude, I’m sure you’ll find someone soon enough,” the other man conceded with a smile.

“Let’s hope you are right,” James mumbled. The barman finally realized they existed and stopped in front of them. “Beer and two shots of tequila,” James ordered over the music so the barman could hear him. Immediately, the barman poured the shots and brought a beer, and while James paid, the other guy ordered his drinks. He drank his shots and couldn’t help to laugh when the hot guy was served a pink fruity drink. The hunk nodded at him and walked away.

“Don’t take it personally, that one is a lightweight drinking and only pick up twinks,” the barman told him with a sympathetic smile. He remembered seeing this same barman some other time, and as that night, he was fake tanned and half-naked, but that was part of the job, right?

“When did I get too old for this kind of place?” James asked no one in particular, before taking a swig of beer.

“You are not, darling. Half the people here tonight is underage. If the cops busted in right now, we would never open again,” the bar was suddenly half empty, and everybody was on the dancefloor. It was probably some hot song, James supposed. He was utterly lost in the clubbing scene, he didn’t really like to dance unless he was really drunk or really horny, or even better, both. He had no idea which songs were hot or who was that DJ everybody loved.

That made him feel like he didn’t belong there either.

“I see,” James said, distracted by his own thoughts and not realizing at all what the barman had just said.

“You look pretty tonight. Why don’t you go there and mingle a bit?” The barman asked while serving two more shots nobody had ordered.

“I’m not a good dancer.” He answered, taking one of the shots.

“A shame. I’m sure many of those guys would love to dance with you.”

“I didn’t really come here to dance, you know?” He smiled, taking the other shot.

“Aw, I get it. You got dumped?”

“You are very perceptive,” James admitted, a bit surprised.

“After two years behind this bar, you can read everyone problems, darling.”

James nodded and turned around to lean on the bar. Most of the guys were dancing or rubbing against other guys on the dancefloor. There was a lot of movement in the back of the club so there might even be an orgy in the restroom. Again. Last time he came to the club he discovered that those things actually happened. Not that he joined or anything, but since he was already there he watched a bit.

“Is not that is any of my business but that guy over there has been watching you since you got here,” the barman said, nodding at a guy at the end of the bar.

“You really pay attention, don’t you? You should be a cop,” James joked, making the barman laugh.

“Oh, darling, I see everything,” the barman said winking at him. James rolled his eyes and looked at the man at the end of the bar again. Blond, blue eyes, fancy shirt and smiling and winking at him. That would do, James thought, seemed easy enough. He finished his beer and moved around all the people near the bar trying to get to him.

“Hello, there,” the guy greeted when he finally reached him.

“So I’ve been told you were watching me?”

“Was I that obvious?” he asked playfully.

“Nah, apparently the barman ‘sees everything,’“

“I’m Brendan.”

“Alex,” James lied. It was a stupid thing to do, but he couldn’t help it, and he never gave his name to any guy he met at a club. You never know when someone is going to appear in a police station and recognize you as that guy who sucked you off in some dark alley.

“Nice to meet you, Alex. So tell me, what are you doing here tonight?”

“The same thing everybody is doing here I guess? Trying to get laid?” Brendan laughed, and James smiled. “Wait, aren’t you here for that? Am I wasting my time?” He asked, only half joking.

“Oh, no, you are not wasting your time, and I promise you, you won’t be wasting your money either,” He said, with a lascivious smile before finishing his drink. James wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but then Brendan raised his hand and ordered more drinks. “So tell me, what kind of job do you have that allows you to go clubbing on a Monday night?”

“Actually, I shouldn’t be here at all, I have to work early in the morning,” he admitted. That much he could share.

“Oh, naughty boy, I like that.”

The drinks arrived, and then they ordered some more. They flirted for another twenty minutes, and then Brendan decided that they absolutely needed to dance, and since James had drunk enough, he went with it.

By “dancing” Brendan apparently meant make out and grinding while bumping into every man around them. James wasn’t going to complain about that though. Things were getting ridiculously hot, and judging by the crowd in the back of the bar, that was not an option.

While on the dance floor, James saw the hunk from the bar again. It seemed to be true he was not the guy’s type after all. He was sucking face with some twink who was probably fresh out of high school. Between the underage drinking and all the drugs, this place might be raided anytime by the cops. On that thought, James decided to leave, just in case.

He tried to tell Brendan to leave, but the music was impossibly loud. Somehow, the other man understood and followed him out.

James would have killed for a cigarette right then, after getting out of the club, breathing the night air and feeling momentarily deaf when all the noise and music from inside suddenly stopped when the door closed.

He turned to Brendan to ask him what to do next or where to go, but his words died in his throat. Brendan was debauched from the dancing, his shirt half open and wrinkled in all the places James had grabbed him, his hair pointing all directions and his lips swollen from making out.

Any other night, he would have found a quiet place or maybe even a dark alley. But that night he was drunk, horny and heartbroken, which is his opinion, was the most dangerous combination possible. Only after Alek, Chinese snake liquor and fireworks.

After that, he remembered getting home and start taking clothes off, leaving them wherever they landed. He also recalled Brendan asking him strange questions he couldn’t really understand at that moment since he was busy trying to drag the other guy to his bed.

The sex was actually great, Brendan just complied with everything James wanted. He allowed James to be in charge and move him around and wouldn’t stop saying how good it was. James was flattered, none of the men he had slept with had ever told him things like that during sex.

After the second time, James was satisfied and exhausted so he couldn’t barely register Brendan asking for permission to crash there. He just mumbled something and blacked out.

 

James suddenly woke up when he heard Alek shouting "good morning princess" while entering his apartment. He cursed under his breath, feeling like crap, and turned in his bed. He had forgotten to close the curtains the night before, and when he tried to open his eyes, he realized Brendan was still there, waking up as well.

He could hear Alek moving around his kitchen, probably preparing coffee before kicking him awake.

“Oh my God, is that your boyfriend?” Brendan whispered, now fully awake. James was frozen. He was naked with another man in his bed, and Alek was two seconds away from opening the door and-

“Morning sunshi-” Alek opened the door and stopped mid-sentence when he saw him with Brendan.

“Hi,” Brendan said.

“Ehm, hi. What’s – What’s going on here?” Alek asked frowning.

“Nothing,” James managed to say.

“I was just leaving anyway,” Brendan said, standing and picking up his discarded clothes with all the dignity possible while Alek watched everything. James tried to do the same thing but could only retrieve his boxers.

“Jamie?” Alek asked again.

“I can explain.”

“Look, I know it’s probably a bad time but –“ Brendan started, while he finished buttoning his shirt. He was as fast dressing as he was undressing.

“Yeah, it’s a terrible time, and you should probably leave now,” James said, still looking at Alek, who was looking at him dumbfounded in return. He couldn’t blame his best friend for looking at him like that.

“Well, you still have to pay me.” That made James look at Brendan.

“Wait. Did you just say 'pay'?” Alek asked looking first at Brendan and then at James. “What the fuck, Jamie?”

“Are you a – a rent boy?” James asked, starting to freak out.

“I’m an escort, for your information. And you owe me five hundred dollars.”

“What?!” James exclaimed.

“Oh my God, Jamie. You hired a rent boy last night?! What the fuck is wrong with you?” Alek asked, probably loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

“I didn’t know he was a hooker!”

“Escort,” Brendan corrected again, offended.

“And why is it so fucking expensive?!” James asked he was losing it.

“We fucked twice, I sucked you off, and I paid for most of the drinks,” Brendan explained.

“You fucked this guy twice!?”

“Why is that the most surprising part of this!?”

“Everything is surprising, James. Every fucking thing,” Alek answered.

“I have things to do, places to be, so –” Brendan interrupted again, crossing his arms, and looking impatient.

“Jesus fucking Christ, shut up already!” James shouted. He looked for his wallet, but as expected, he barely had one hundred dollars in cash. “You won’t happen to take credit card, right?

“Is it a joke?” Brendan asked.

“Yes, of course, it's a joke,” James responded completely serious.

“For fuck Sake,” Alek said, taking his wallet from the pocket of his running jacket. “This better be the only time I pay for sex for you,” he said counting bills, “how much do you have there?”

“Eighty bucks,”

“I have three hundred.” He said looking at Brendan, who rolled his eyes.

“I can’t believe this. Ok, I’ll take that because you let me crash here. But there won’t be discounts in the future, James,” great, the hooker knew his real name now. “Have a nice day, James,” He said again before taking the money and leaving.

James sighed loudly and sat on his bed heavily.

“What the fuck is going on, Jamie?” Alek asked finally. “Did you go out last night and drank yourself stupid or something? I mean, how much did you drink to bring a dude home and fuck him? Twice!” James brought his hands to his face. He was a bit hungover and so not ready for this conversation.

“It's not the first time I –“ he started, with a small voice and his hands still on his face.

“What?” Asked Alek carefully. “You’ve hired hookers before?”

“No!” he exclaimed, “I mean he is not the first guy I sleep with.” Alek was looking at him like he had just said that in his free time he killed kittens to make hats or something.

“What are you trying to say, James?”

“I like men. Better than women. That’s what I’m trying to say,” he murmured, looking at his own hands, now on his lap.

“You are – since when?”

“Since forever I guess,” James shrugged.

The silence that followed his answer was so thick that he dared to look up and saw Alek looking anywhere but him.

“You've been lying to me. For ten years!” Alek stood abruptly.

“No, I just –”

“No, spare me the bullshit. How could you hide this from me? I thought we were friends! I've always trusted you with everything. What else have you been hiding?”

“Nothing,” he lied, feeling that word burning him when he said it.

“I don’t believe you. I can’t believe anything you say anymore. How could you hide something like this from me for ten fucking years? You are one cold-blooded son of a bitch. I guess that's why you were always so fucking miserable. I can’t believe this,” Alek rambled while pacing in front of him like a caged animal.

“Alek, let me explain,” James tried again, grabbing Alek’s bicep. Alek shook his hand off and walked towards the door. “Alek, please!” he followed.

“Leave me alone, James,” Alek warned leaving and closing the door behind him with a loud bang.

 

James stood looking at the closed door for a long moment. What if Alek outed him? No, that made no sense, Alek was furious and probably hurt, but he wouldn't do that to him, would he?

He didn’t know how many minutes had passed when he was startled by a knock on his door. He ran to open.

“Alek, listen-,” he started, but it wasn’t Alek, it was Zach.

“Hey. You weren’t answering your phone,” the red-haired detective explained. Then he looked at James bare chest and low hanging boxers. “Do you realize you are almost naked, right?”

“I do. Did you see Alek? Did he tell you something?”

“I didn’t see him. Why?”

“No reason. So what did you want?”

“I have been calling you. Are we going for a run today?” James was hungover, in a bad mood and after that fight, he didn’t think Alek was going to join them.

“I don’t think-“

“Come on, whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll help you.”

James sighed and went to his room to put his running clothes on. That hungover was going to be killing him for the rest of the day anyway, maybe running would help with that headache that was starting to form in the back of his head.

 

Just like the day before, they run around the park, but this time without Alek. The day was clear, and it wasn’t too hot yet, and thanks to the many trees most of the path was protected from the unforgiving sun. Zach was perceptive enough to avoid asking about Alek’s absence, and they run in silence most of the time. After a few laps, James recognized Lance’s fiancé running a few meters ahead. He turned around suddenly to avoid her and Zach followed without a word. Sometimes James had to give him that, he was like a big, silent, loyal, red puppy.

“Hey, wanna come to my place for breakfast? I bought some great-“ Zach was proposing.

“Sure,” James cut him.

“Oh, great! You are going to love my quiche!” Zach answered smiling brightly. James sighed again.

 

To be completely honest, he did like the quiche, even though it was made out of tofu and spinach, which is something James never thought he would have for breakfast.

After that, he went back to his apartment for a quick shower before leaving for work. He knew he probably looked a bit sick and even though the run and the healthy breakfast had helped, he still felt off.

He stopped by Alek’s apartment on his way out, knocked several times and waited, but after getting no response for several minutes, he gave up. Alek probably left already.

On his way to work, he went through every possible excuse or explanation he could come up with to Alek to be forgiven. He also owed him three hundred dollars. What the fuck was he thinking the night before? He couldn’t help being a bit paranoid. Did those cops look at him funny? Did they know? Did Alek tell someone?

He shook his head and kept walking. He was in the elevator pressing the button for his floor when the doors started closing, someone called him to hold the door. He was tempted to pretend he didn’t hear it, but he reached for the button to open the doors again and regretted it immediately when Lance stepped in the elevator.

“Hey,” Lance greeted. James mumbled something in return. He did his best not to look at the other man in his expensive suit. Even the smell of Lance’s aftershave bothered him now. “Look, I think we need to talk about-“

“Did you know your fiancée runs every morning in the park in front of my building? I go there too,” Lance opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind and closed it again for a few moments.

“Is that a threat?”

“What? No, it’s just an “it’s a small world” kind of thing.”

Lance seemed about to say something else again when the doors opened on their floor, and James didn’t wait for it. He walked a bit faster than usual to get rid of Lance as soon as possible. The station was already crowded, and everybody seemed busy, pretty much like any other day.

When he approached his desk, Sarge asked James to join him in the room where they were working the stabbing case.

“You look like shit, kid,” Gray whispered when James entered the room. Holiday and Ellis were already there too, looking nice and professional. James hadn’t even bothered to wear a suit that day. It was hot outside, and he was in a terrible mood, so he was showing it.

“Thanks, you look stunning, as usual,” He said sitting in the first empty chair he found. The Feebs exchanged looks briefly and then looked back at Gray.

“We brought the ex-boyfriend for interrogation,” Gray explained to James.

“Whose?” He asked for no reason. It was obviously the victim’s, but he just did.

“The victim’s ex-boyfriend, Knox. I was hoping you and Holiday would ask him a few questions.”

“Oh, sure. Of course.”

“I’m not sure Detective Knox is in the best condition for an interrogation,” Holiday intervened. He was wearing a navy suit that brought out the color if his eyes, turned out it was a nice shade of green, and he hadn't shaved that morning. It was definitely a good look on agent Holiday.

“Excuse me?” James asked, trying to look genuinely offended.

“I didn't mean to offend, but you seem a bit - how can I put it –“

“Hungover. Your man is hungover. On a Tuesday morning, Gray,” Lena interrupted.

“He’s fine,” the sergeant said, looking at James with that look that said, ‘you are screwed and going to be doing paperwork for the next two weeks.’ Sergeant Gray could be very expressive with just one look.

“Actually they are right Sarge, I’m hungov-“

“Not helping your case here, son,” Gray cut him. He was now looking at him in that way that made him feel guilty for disappointing him. After all, in some ways, he owed him and Flannegan a lot, and he knew it.

“Sorry, Sarge. I had a weird day yesterday, and things went a bit out of hand,” James apologized. Gray sighed and sat next to him.

“We’ll talk about that later. Zach is with Dr. Montemayor working on the murder weapon. He volunteered" he clarified when James frowned, "she said she can make a mold or something that might help us find the weapon-“

“Weapons, there were two different kinds of-“ Ellis corrected him immediately.

“Right,” Gray interrupted her as well. Then turned back to James, “Have a coffee. Or five. And unfuck your shit. I want to know everything about the victim before lunch,” Gray told him.

“Agent Holiday will have it way before that.”

“Well then it’s great we are all on the same team, right?” James asked with a big fake smile on his face. He heard Holiday snort at that.  He got it, the special agent didn't like him much. He could live with that.

 

Lena opened a file on the table. It was information about the mentioned ex-boyfriend. The poor guy only had a few parking tickets and wasn’t even dating the girl anymore. James took better a look at it. Ferdinand Collins. He was a barista in one of those trendy coffee shops, and by the looks of it, he didn’t make the kind of money his ex-girlfriend did. That made him think. Melissa Taylor was an assistant in a legal Firm, but her tastes looked fancier than what she should be able to afford with that kind of salary.

“Why did they break up?” James asked.

“According to this report, it was Ferdinand who broke up with her, but whoever wrote this didn’t elaborate,” Ethan responded.

“We’ll start there then.”

He stood and took the folder with him leaving the room. It was a good shot, even though they had the problem with the second weapon, jealousy or the fear of being discovered were good reasons to kill. Not that James thought so, but so far, were the usual ones.

The boyfriend should be already there, and he'd rather get done with this soon. Holiday was following him, trying to catch up, but he wasn't used to dodging cops, perps, chairs, and sometimes even animals. The precinct could look like a circus sometimes.

 

“You could have told me you were coming already," Ethan said finally walking next to him.

James wished he had heard Holiday say those words in an entirely different situation, with fewer clothes on. That made him smile, and he tried to hide it, but he was pretty sure Ethan saw it.

 

***

 

Ethan followed James to the room where Collins should be waiting. He was actually fascinated by the detective’s psyche. It was like looking at a glass about to break in a million shreds, but that was somehow holding itself together. He was sure it was a matter of time that a man like James would lose it and have a psychotic break. The day before, when he went back to his apartment, to his still full of boxes apartment, he couldn't help himself and ended up looking up James’ File.

James A. Knox was indeed a fascinating individual. He had been in the USMC for almost eight years, but according to the file, he didn't cut ties completely, so that was the first strange thing. After that, he had been a detective for a couple of years. Ethan thought there was something suspicious about how he landed the job and his relationship with the Lieutenant. Both the Lieutenant and the Sergeant were ex-marines as well, and that was probably not a coincidence.

But definitely, what caught Ethan’s attention, from a medical point of view, was the lack of information about James medical file. Most policemen or members of LO would have some background for previous injuries and especially psychologic evaluations, and Knox's were missing. There was also a lack of information about his whereabouts right after he left the Corps. Ethan had FBI level clearance, so whatever information missing in James file had to be strictly confidential, which made no sense for a city cop.

Ethan wanted to know what all that meant. He had always been too curious for his own good. That was partly why he was so good at his job, he would do anything to get to the bottom of things. Although the psychiatry degree and excellent observation skills helped too.

James opened the door and let him go in first. Ethan looked at the guy sitting inside, Ferdinand Collins, who didn’t look like the guy in the pictures. This man seemed on edge, nervous, but not guilty. At least not of murder.

He greeted him and sat in one of the chairs. James sat next to him immediately after.

“So, Ferdinand,” James started, opening the folder he had brought with him. “My sergeant told me this morning that I looked like shit. I guess he hasn’t seen you yet,” James said grinning. Ethan looked at him stunned. That was an unusual way of starting questioning a suspect.

“Excuse me?”

“Excuse Detective Knox. You don’t need to worry, I understand this might seem serious, but it’s just the usual procedure. We just need to ask you some questions about Melissa so we can try to understand what was going on in her life. After that, you are free to go.”

“Ok,” Ferdinand said, nodding.

“So, first question, just to get it out of the way. You didn’t kill her, did you?” James asked flatly. Ethan looked at him bewildered again. What the hell was he doing?

“No! Of course not!” the poor ex-boyfriend exclaimed. “I loved her. I still loved her,” He said, looking miserable.

“Then why did you break up with her?”

“She cheated on me.”

“And you know that because…?” the detective asked.

“She told me.”

“Because you suspected,” James said, it was not a question.

“Yes.”

“Why did you think she was cheating, Ferdinand?”

“She had new clothes, purses, all designer stuff. She cannot – couldn’t afford those things.”

“Do you happen to know who the other guy was?” James asked now, in a different tone.

“No. I wish I had pushed her to tell me. You think that guy did this?”

“I think a lot of things, Ferdinand,” Knox answered, reading something on the file again as if the conversation was boring him.

“Look, Ferdinand, we need to know if Melissa would have had a reason to be in Hell’s kitchen that night. Can you think of anything?” Ethan asked, trying to sound as sympathetic as possible.

“I-“ the guy started. He sighed, “No. She never went to that rea. That I know of.”

“Maybe she wanted a massage. Or a tattoo,” James said, finally lifting his eyes from the file and looking at Ferdinand.

“I don’t think so.”

“Do you think she would date an older guy?”

“Sorry?” Ferdinand asked.

“You know, a married man. Maybe some guy with money, in his mid-forties. Mid-life crisis, your wife is not hot as tits anymore, your kids are doing more coke than you on New Year's Eve, and that twenty-something girl has the hots for you.”

“You think she was a home-wrecker?! You didn’t know Melissa like I do! She never would –“

“That’s why I’m asking,” James cut. Ethan understood immediately what the detective was trying. Maybe the victim wanted more out of that relationship. Maybe the married guy didn’t want to leave his wife after all. And perhaps that’s why she was in Hell's Kitchen because they met there to avoid meeting any acquaintances.

They still had too many unanswered questions, possible links to other murders and the second weapon, but this was the best they had at the moment and was worth looking into it.

“Excuse us, Ferdinand. I need to talk to the detective in private for a moment.” Ethan said, standing.

“Ok,” said James. They left the room, and before Ethan could say anything, the other man walked into the room on the other side of the mirror. He looked at Ferdinand through the glass and remained silent.

“Look, I know this is how you usually do your job, but I must say that your interrogation skills are some of the most fucked up I’ve ever seen. And I worked with that guy who used to cry to make people talk.”

“Oh, you know Jimmy?” James asked.

“Forget about Jimmy," of course James would know a fellow weirdo. Ethan ignored that, "What did you expect to get acting like an asshole? The good cop-bad cop thing is too old, you know?”

“There's not much else we are going to get from him. We know pretty much everything he knows. Which is nearly nothing, because he thought the girl was a saint.”

“And you don’t?”

“She had two Fendi purses, and I remember red soles on half her high heels,” James explained. Ethan didn’t expect him to say something like that.

“What? I might not be rich, but I can recognize the good stuff. You don’t have to look so surprised.” Now he was pouting and damn if the grumpy detective wasn’t cute. Ethan smiled in spite of himself.

“I didn’t say a word.”

“But you were thinking about it,” James quipped, squinting at him. Ethan chuckled and did his best to go back into business mode. They had a job to do, and flirting with someone who was working on the case wasn't a good idea. Flirting at all was not a good idea. Even less with closeted men, he had had his fair share of those and promised himself to have some more self-respect in the future.

“So, what do we have? She was probably seeing someone else.”

“Someone with money. A married man would make a lot of sense, but it’s hard to believe that none of her friends knew about a new hookup. Unless-“

“Unless it was someone they knew,” Ethan interrupted. “What do we know about her coworkers?” James was smiling at him now, “What?”

“Nothing. Let’s dismiss this poor fool and look into the coworkers.”

Once again, James left the room, leaving him behind. Ethan sighed and went back to following the detective around.

This case was going to be a tough one, and not only for the complexity of it by itself, but also for the distractions attached to working with the NYPD, or so Ethan thought while chasing James around the noisy room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are no words to thank chibichocopaws, but in case they are worth anything THANKS SO MUCH.

James managed to go through most of the morning without issues and not obsessing about whatever he was going to do about Alek. Once Zach was back, he felt a bit relieved to have someone else to talk to and look at. Even though Holiday seemed nicer that morning, he still felt the feeb’s eyes on him too often, and not in a good, sexy way, more in a BAU agent kind of way, and he was no serial killer.

With Zach, they got a few bits of new information about the weapons.

“So, apparently Lance was right about a dagger,” Zach concluded after explaining that Doctor Montemayor had managed to get an approximate identification on the second weapon. By the looks of it, and the particles recovered from the body, it must have been a pretty old dagger, XIX century.

“So it was a ritual after all?” James asked, seeming a little disappointed. He still didn’t want Lance to be right. “How does a cult fit in all this? Was her lover part of this cult? Maybe she was lured into it with gifts and used as a sacrifice to bring back the antichrist?”

“We can’t discard that she was randomly chosen, maybe she didn’t know her killer,” Holiday said, ignoring his last question.

“I thought that in most cases like this one, the killer is someone from the victim’s environment,” Zach pointed out. “I guess that the ritual thing makes sense, but with so many stabs, I thought it’d be something personal.”

“As I said, we cannot discard anything just yet. It might be both.” Holiday reiterated.

James was looking at the pictures again, not that he needed it, but he had to keep himself, and his hands, busy not to fidget. The scene was still fresh in his mind, and that memory brought back how he felt that night after seeing Lance. He shook his head, about to say something when his cell phone vibrated on the table. “Excuse me,” he said, standing up to step from the room to answer the call. “What have you done this time?” He asked sharply.

“Well, hello to you too, brother,” his younger sister, Tess, answered cheekily as usual. “I did nothing, I just wanted to know if I can come over to your place this weekend?” The tone changed a bit with the question.

Jamie felt guilty immediately because he knew he was neglecting his sister lately, and the teenager was having a bit of a hard time. Their mother had a new boyfriend, Ted, and Tess didn’t like him. The feeling seemed to be mutual.

More often than not, Tess would try to crash at his place to avoid sharing space with Ted, especially during the weekends, which made it even harder for James to have a private life.

James had met the guy a few times, Ted wasn’t a monster by any means, but the guy was conservative and probably too authoritarian for what Tess was used to. After their father left, Jamie had been the man in the house, but only for so long, since he left for the marines as soon as he was old enough. After that, Tess grew up around a mostly absent working mother, their older sister, Allyson, and whatever skype call Jamie could spare from overseas.

They were a broken, dysfunctional family, and now Tess was the one paying for it.

“By the way, are you coming for dinner on Friday? Maybe I can go back to your place with you after?” Tess asked hopefully.

“Tessy…”

“Please? I want to talk to you about a few things,” she said before James could say anything else.

“What kind of things? Did something happen?”

“Not really… but I think mum and Ted want me to go to that private school he went to? You know, the one with uniforms and Jesus and praying…”

“Maybe it’s a great school?” Jamie tried.

“What if I become a fucking moron too?”

“Language,” He warned. Not that he was a good example or anything, but someone had to be there for his little sister, even if it was to chastise her.

“You know who else attended that school? Your favorite brother in law!” She claimed.

“Unless you have gotten married recently, I only have one brother in law, and Joshua is not my favorite anything.” Ally had married while he was away and now had two kids and a husband that insisted in being called Joshua.

“Ally agrees, of course. I hate her.” Tess said, and James could perfectly picture his younger sister pouting and wrinkling her nose. Tess, unlike Ally and James himself, had black hair, but she had their mom’s signature blue eyes, and James knew how she must be looking at that very moment.

“Tessy, she’s your sister, you don’t mean that. Why are you so grumpy?”

“Ugh, where do I start?” James didn’t have time for this but made a mental note to make sure he talked about all those issues with Tess later.

“Hey, I gotta go, but we’ll talk later, okay?”

“Whatever. I’ll pack a bag for the weekend, bye!” She said before he could say no. James rolled his eyes and sighed before going back to the meeting room.

“Everything alright?” Holiday asked with a shit-eating grin. James really wanted to hate him, but he couldn’t help finding the special agent ridiculously attractive, even if he was being a jerk.

“It was a personal call.”

“Tess again?” Zach asked. James nodded but didn’t say anything, and he couldn’t help noticing that Holiday was intrigued now, but he was also too cool to ask.

“So, what’s next? Do we compare with other cases? Look for the secret lover?” James asked after the short silence.

“None of the other cases you found had a similar murder weapon,” Ethan commented. “It’s possible, if it’s really a ritual, that one of the others attacks was a test. Maybe he was practicing or trying to prove to himself that he could pull this off.”

“If that was the case, doesn’t that mean he’s going to keep killing? And getting better at it?” James had suspected that much since they discarded the boyfriend and found out about the second weapon. If it’s not personal, it might be a serial killer for real.

“I never thought I’d be involved in a serial killer investigation,” Zach said. “How do we work in a case like this? Every minute we lose might cost someone else’s life.”

They didn’t talk much after that. Ethan was looking into the victim’s coworkers with Zach while James reread the other cases. No links between the victims, no physical evidence. Two of them didn’t really match the MO, but Anna Meyers might have been the first attempt of a serial killer instead of a passional crime. The wounds were sloppy, and unlike the most recent victim, not in the right places. Anna survived her wounds long enough to get to the hospital, but Melissa had died on the streets.

James looked up from his file, and his eyes immediately were drawn to Ethan. He couldn’t help himself. He told himself to stop, to go back to the file, to leave the room and take a break, but he just wanted to stare at a good-looking man while he could. Then he felt guilty. This was still his dirty little secret, and he still needed to talk to Alek. He sighed and stood up, getting the other two men’s attention.

“Going somewhere?” Holiday asked.

“I need a break. Sarge wanted to talk to me so I’ll be back in a bit.”

He left the room but didn’t go find Sarge, instead, he went to the cafeteria. Not everybody knew this, but through the window there, it was possible to access the fire staircase and reach the rooftop. The rooftop was where Jaime had hidden his cigarettes since he ‘quit smoking’ a few months ago.

He regretted it the second he opened the window and climbed outside in the suffocating heat, but he needed a smoke. The rooftop, as usual, was empty, so he retrieved his Lucky Strikes from the vent duct, took off his t-shirt and sat on whatever little shadow he could find. The first drag tasted bad, he inhaled deep and then let the smoke go very slowly. Then it got better, exactly what he needed.

He sat there, smoking his cigarette and contemplating his life. Whatever he and Lance had was over, this time for good. Alek was mad at him, really mad this time. He had never seen his best friend so disappointed in him like that morning. He needed to fix that but didn’t know how to fix ten years of hiding secrets.

On the family front, Tess was having a hard time, his mom was dating a religious moron, and his other sister had become a simple trophy wife. Of course, all that was James’ fault, according to himself. He had left them to join the marines, and they hadn’t been able to face the world on their own.

That was one of the things Dr. Ruthlo usually had to remind James, not everything would be his fault, many things were out of his control. Perhaps he needed to go back to therapy twice a week again.

“I thought you quit,” Sarge’s deep voice startled him and brought him back from his deep thinking.

“Jesus fucking Christ, you want to give me a heart attack?” He asked, not offended, but slightly annoyed for not having heard such a big man approaching.

“You doing ok, kid?” Sarge asked, done with the chit-chat. “Wanna talk about it?”

“I fucked up last night, and I fought with Alek this morning. Holiday makes me nervous, and I’m afraid we are just getting started with a serial killer.”

“I see,” the sergeant sat next to him, pushing him to the left to make more room in the small shadow available on the rooftop. “You take off the shirt because it’s too hot?”

“Nah, just so the smell won’t cling to me,” James explained, before letting the smoke out again. “I think I should go back to seeing the shrink twice a week.”

“It’s okay if you think you need it, go ahead. You don’t need to ask permission for that.” They stayed in silence a few seconds before Sarge spoke again. “Listen, I don’t know what you are going through, and I’m glad you decided to see the doctor more often on your own, but I need to ask you to take your job seriously, kid. This is not the marines, this is not whatever you did in between that and this. There are rules, and you have to follow them like everybody else. So no drinking on weeknights or at least, don’t show up here hungover. Got it?”

“Yessir,” James responded. He took one last long drag of the cigarette and then snuffed it out against the sole of his shoe.

“Dress up and go back to work, will you?” said Gray, standing up and offering James a hand to do the same.

They went back downstairs, climbed the window back inside, ignoring the two officers in the cafeteria and took separate ways. James made a quick stop in the locker room to grab some mouthwash and then made a phone call on his way back to Zach and Holiday.

***

He had been back for barely two weeks, and he already remembered why he was so eager to leave New York in the first place the second he turned 18.

“Yes, Dad,” said Ethan. His dad had been trying to get him to go play golf with him and his step-siblings for the last four days. Although he understood his dad’s wishes, he didn’t feel very comfortable around teenagers he was sure hated him after only meeting him three or four times. On the other hand, he had his mom and the big crazy Italian family, including numerous cousins, and all of them wanted to see him these days.

“Okay then, see you on Friday. Dalia is very excited to see you.” His dad lied; Dalia hated him with a passion.

“See you on Friday.” Ethan hurried to hang up before his dad decided to add something else just in time to see James, whom was also on the phone, turning the corner and walking towards him. He didn’t mean to, but he couldn’t help but listen to the detective’s conversation.

“Twice a week, just like before,” James said, right before noticing him. He acknowledged Ethan with a nod and turned around to keep pacing further down the hall while talking on the phone. “Do I need to clear it out with the VA or – I see. Thanks. Bye,”

He hung up and immediately addressed Ethan, “It’s rude to listen to other people’s conversations.”

“I’m sorry, I was on the phone just now, myself. ” He said, showing his phone still in his hand. James stood in front of him awkwardly for a few seconds before looking down to avoid Ethan’s eyes.

“We should go back to work.” James said and hurried back inside the room. Ethan followed him with his eyes. What a mystery. Who was Tess? Where was he going twice a week? If he mentioned the VA, maybe he needed treatment. Was he sick?

He joined the other two men in the room and sat in front of James. Maybe he couldn’t ask those questions, but he sure could spare a few glances and catch the cop staring back.

The rest of the morning went by without any advances. James looked at him, he would catch him, and then the detective would be embarrassed and evasive. On the other hand, he realized that Zach might be nice and quiet but was also very observant, and the redhead didn’t miss a thing. Ethan suspected that Zach knew a lot more than he let out. Ethan liked that though, Zach seemed to just take in everything and wait for the right time.

Around an hour later he was leaving the station for lunch to meet one of his friends from med school in a Cuban place nearby. He might be a bit overwhelmed with the family reunions, but this, his old friends, this he did like about New York. Those were the first people to know him, the real Ethan. His parents had been supportive of him when he came out an hour before he left for Boston to go to college, but the friends he met there became his other family.

He was thinking about the good old times back in med school when James sneaked through the closing elevator doors just in time.

They stood in silence while the elevator descended. When it stopped on the fourth floor, James got especially tense. The young man usually seemed a bomb ready to go off anytime, but that moment the tension was palpable. The doors opened, and another man climbed the elevator. It was clear that whoever he was, was the reason James was tense. The man was tall, dark-skinned, exotic. He was definitely attractive, but also, obviously straight.

“Hey, wanna grab lunch with me?” James asked the other guy, approaching him in the small space and speaking quietly.

“No, I’m meeting friends for lunch.” You didn’t need a psychiatry degree to recognize James’ heart breaking in that moment.

“Okay.” He murmured. Ethan felt a bit guilty because he was not invited to whatever drama was going on here, but then again, drama seemed to surround James at all times.

The descent seemed eternal after that awkward exchange, and once they reached the ground floor, the other man nearly ran out of the elevator. James sighed and got out as well, ignoring Ethan.

He was totally going to gossip about this with Leah, she would love it.

As he expected, she was sitting and waiting for him at the restaurant. He saw her immediately, she was impossible to miss, wearing a sleeveless white blouse, grey shorts, and huge sunglasses that gave her that distinguished touch.

“Oh my God!” She exclaimed when she spotted him. “You look so handsome, but you shouldn’t wear that many clothes with this heat.” She’s stood up to hug him and kiss the air nearby his face.

“You look amazing, and I can’t agree more.” Ethan said as he started taking off his jacket and loosened his tie a bit.

“So, I ordered sangria, you can start bitching now,” she explained offering one of the glasses with the refreshing drink, “who’s worse, mom or dad?” Leah asked, sitting again, ready for the conversation.

“So far, dad. He wants me to befriend the twins.”

“Ugh, those kids are evil. Whatever happened to their mother? She’s the one in rehab?” She asked. Ethan’s dad had married three times so far, none of them to his mother. He had 4 children, Ethan was the first, then came the twins and now he had another kid with his latest wife, Dalia.

“No, that was the first one, Claudia, she tried to kill him with a chandelier. Then came Sofia, she’s the twins’ mother.”

“It’s hard to keep up with your dad. What about mom?”

“Single, she married the restaurant and never looked back. My aunt Lucrezia says she’s on tinder though.” Ethan admitted. He found it hilarious. His mother was still young, and an attractive and successful woman; she owned one of the trendiest restaurants in the island and apparently had a very active and interesting social life. Ethan was happy for her; she gave up way too many things, and she deserved to start living a little.

“And isn’t Lucrezia judging her? I would expect your mom to be on Christian Mingle.” Leah half-joked. Only half, Ethan’s mom’s family was Italian, therefore Catholic. Very Catholic.

“She tried apparently. No Bueno. Anyway, what about you?”

“I have many patients, all of them are crazy, some of them are getting better.” She said shrugging. “I’m busy, and busy is good.”

“I’d love to be able to say the same thing. In my field, busy is bad.”

“You still have time to leave the FBI and join my practice and treat patients instead of serial killers. God knows the last time you barely made it alive.” Oh, there she went again. She was still mad about that ‘last time.’ Ethan didn’t blame her and had to respect it because she was the one to visit him in the hospital and lie to his parents.

“Not now, but I appreciate the offer. You still treating CIA broken toys? That might make the offer actually worth considering.”

“Shut it, you know I can’t talk about it. And since you are being mean, let’s talk about Derek,” Ethan was about to protest, but the waiter’s arrival to take their order interrupted him. They ordered Ensalada de jicama and roast pork, recommended by Leah, who apparently came to this place quite often. “Don’t think I have forgotten. Derek, start speaking.”

“What for? Are you gonna play shrink with me?”

“Do you need me to? Why do you think you always go for unavailable men? Is it because you can’t trust them at all when they make themselves available? Not that I blame you,” she admitted.

“And I thought that seeing you all the time was going to be the best part of being back.” Ethan lamented.

“Aw, don’t say that. If you are not ready to talk about that piece of shit, or those pieces of shit if we go way back, we can talk about something else. How’s your new team? Do you like them?”

“Have you heard about Lena Ellis?”

“Yes. Who hasn’t? She ruined her ex’s wedding, and he got a restraining order. Rumor has it she broke into the guy's house, not that the guy can prove it, she had someone do the dirty jobs for her.”

“Dirty job?”

“I don’t know how much of this is true, but some people say she flooded the place with blood. Nobody knows where the blood came from.” Ethan totally believed Lena capable of something like that. “Anyway, someone hot? I’m sure that you’ve met some sexy special agents by now.” She said playfully.

“Not really. Our team is pretty small, beside Lena, there are only three more people, one is another woman, and the two guys are straight. I’m not so sure about Jesse, he might just be Texan.”

“That’s all? Where is the drama? I made time for you so we could talk about boys, like the good all times.” She complained.

“You can talk about boys too, you know? It’s not like I’m the only one with eyes.”

“I’m not seeing anyone, my life has been so boring without you. Since Mila got married and Julien got divorced, we don’t hang out anymore,” she explained. His friends had grown up. Some had married, and some others had even divorced already. The mere idea of getting married still made him feel uncomfortable, not because he was scared of commitment, but he definitely had his reasons.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” said Ethan, “there is some drama going on with one of the cops we are working with.”

“You are working with the cops? What for?”

“Nothing important so far. The thing is, I’m pretty sure he is interested in me, probably men in general, but he’s so deeply in the closet that he’s probably best friends with Mr. Tumnus.”

“Don’t be mean, remember that not everybody has cool parents. Besides, the NYPD might be better than many other local police departments, but it’s still full of bigots. I don’t blame him.”

“Whatever. I have caught him staring at me several times. He played it cool at first, but I’m pretty sure he saw something he liked.” He said with a naughty smile.

“Hm, so are you going to act on it? Seduce the poor closeted cop?”

“Ha!” Ethan exclaimed, “I’m not dating a closeted case ever again. Besides, I think he’s lusting after a straight guy and that he might have a girlfriend.”

“Stupidly complicated. It’s totally your type, darling. You should date him.” Ethan laughed because she was absolutely right. His last relationship, to call it something, had been near two years of secretly dating on and off a married man, who, on top of everything, happened to be his boss. He still remembered Derek’s face when he found out that Ethan had requested to relocate to New York’s field office. Ultimately, it was Derek who had to approve the transfer, and even though he tried to stop Ethan, he had given up in the end, sure that Ethan would come back to him sooner rather than later. That was not going to happen.

“Is he cute?” Leah asked suddenly, while the waiter set their food on the table.

“Who? Derek?” Ethan had got caught up in a brief stroll down memory lane and didn’t know what his friend was talking about.

“No, silly, the cop. Is he one of those puzzles you like to try to solve?” There was no doubt that Leah knew him well.

“There are a few things that I do find intriguing. He’s an ex-marine, but there is a gap between his last tour and him joining the police, and whatever he did for those months is classified.” Ethan couldn’t help to love a good mystery, and sometimes he needed a friendly reminder that some of them were not for him to uncover. He looked at Leah and saw something weird on her for a millisecond. She was a great psychiatrist and pretty good at keeping a poker face at all times, but Ethan was trained to find any little thing that could give someone away, and he was sure he had just seen his friend acknowledge something. “What?”

She looked away, and took her glass, drinking before responding. “Nothing,” she said at first. “It’s just that, some vets sometimes need some time to readjust. It’s not crazy to think that they might have taken time off. One of my patients checked himself in a mental institution for a little while before going back home.”

Ethan was poking around the salad and took a bite before answering that. “I get that, but why is it classified? Huh?”

“Honestly, if it’s classified you probably shouldn’t mess with the guy, for all you know, he might be crazy and dangerous.” She joked.

“Wouldn’t be surprised if the police had hired an unstable psychotic ex-marine,” Ethan concluded. “Anyway, wanna go clubbing this weekend?” He asked, changing the topic. He didn’t want another difficult relationship but wouldn’t say no to some easy and uncomplicated one-night stands.

“Oh thank God, I thought you’d never ask.” She smiled at him, showing her perfect porcelain teeth.  
  
That Tuesday was the last day Ethan worked with the NYPD in the station that week. After they found the phone clean, Lena decided to prioritize other cases but still kept an eye out for the girl with the thousand stabs.

After that, Ethan was both glad and disappointed about not going back to the station. The case was getting cold, and the NYPD seemed to have found a wall. Without a weapon, a motive, or any suspects, the case was going nowhere. He was aware of the volume of work detectives could have, so he wasn’t surprised when he heard they weren't actively working on it anymore. His unit wasn’t any different; Lena had assigned them a new case that seemed to move a lot faster than the previous one, and Ethan was glad to be seeing results.

The week was coming to an end, and he was more than ready to enjoy his recently acquired freedom and singlehood and have a great time with whoever offered without any attachments.  
  
Meanwhile, somewhere else in the city, Jamie was going through a personal hell, and a serial killer was choosing his next victim.


	6. Chapter 6

Ethan used to enjoy Fridays. They meant freedom most of the time. He would go clubbing or maybe had a date, but those things were not in his plans. For now, he wanted to enjoy his newly acquired freedom. He remembered how weekends were back in college with parties and not having to wake up early the following day. Sadly, Ethan wasn’t in college anymore, hadn't been for almost a decade now, and in days like that Friday, he missed it desperately.  
He was a federal agent now, which meant that on top of the traveling and the crazy hours, he was never really off the clock. If he was called in, he had to go; it didn’t matter if it was the weekend or his first day off in a month.

Yet that Friday, he was kind of hoping his phone rang so he would have a good excuse to leave.

“They are getting better, huh?” His father asked, elbowing him gently. Richard Holiday was what people would call a grey fox. Ethan’s parents were barely eighteen when they found out about the pregnancy, so Richard was actually relatively young to be a thirty-something year old’s dad.  
By ‘they’ Richard meant the twins, Ethan’s half-siblings.

Ethan’s dad had been married several times, having four children so far. The twins were in high school now, so Ethan could only imagine that the moody teenagers would rather be anywhere but playing golf with their father and their half-brother they barely knew.

“They sure are,” Ethan conceded. He wasn’t paying much attention to them or the game itself, and he was pretty sure his dad was aware. After all, Richard hadn’t become one of the wealthiest men in the city just because he knew when and how to be charming and close deals, he was observant and brilliant in many other ways. He had started a security company, and it kept growing to the point of being a government contractor. Ethan didn’t know much about what his dad did anymore because it was mostly classified.

“So, you have any plans for tonight? Maybe you could come over for dinner –“ Richard started.

“I already made plans with Leah, we are hanging out.”

“Right. I guess you are young and single, and hanging out with your old man is not as interesting as meeting men in clubs.”

“I feel like you want me to disagree, but I’m afraid I can’t.” Ethan said. His father laughed in that way that made Ethan remember when he was a child. His parent's relationship wasn’t the easiest one, but they sure managed to give him a great childhood, he never felt alone or in the middle of an argument.

“Hey, Dad, can I leave early? I’m meeting Amber later, and I need to pick up some stuff from home.” Caitlyn said, coming back from the putting green.

“Sweetheart, your brother just wants to spend some time with you and Cameron, why can’t you stay? We are having a great time, aren't we?” Richard asked. Caitlyn glanced at Ethan with the same shared expression that said 'he's kidding, right?'

“Ugh, whatever Dad!” She said, rolling her eyes and waiting for Cameron to come back as well. Out of the twins, Ethan liked Caitlyn better, or at least disliked her less. She was an overdramatic teenager who cared too much about appearances and had too many activities in school. On the other hand, Cameron was just the perfect example of an entitled rich white kid. Ethan knew it was not his father doing, but the twin’s mother.

His father was a caring and affectionate parent, always supportive and ready to jump in to do anything any of his kids needed. He didn’t bat an eye when Ethan came out and kept asking him when was he going to bring a guy home for him to meet. A few times he even proposed to introduce him to some guys he knew.

The twin’s mother, Sofia, had had a not very nice opinion regarding Ethan and ‘his lifestyle,’ and she had made her best to feed those opinions to the twins during the time she and Ethan’s father had been together. Sofia had been a perfect example of a trophy wife. She was younger than Richard, and she was pretty and could fake it until she made it, so she did even though she wasn’t an open-minded person. She had tried to drag Ethan’s father through the mud, but she lost everything. After the messy divorce, Richard got to keep everything and won the twins’ custody, since their mother didn’t get a penny out of it.

“I’m so happy you are back,” Richard clapped Ethan’s shoulder, bringing Ethan back from his musings, “I think we should host family dinners every week, you know? Like normal families.” Richard added.

“And what about mom? If I have dinner with you every week, she’ll want something too, and we all know I don’t have that much time off.” Ethan reminded his dad.

“You can have lunch with her and dinner with me. There, solved.”

This time it was Ethan’s turn to roll his eyes at his father.  
  
What seemed like hours later, Richard decided it was time to feed his children and invited Ethan for lunch at the Holiday’s. Ethan didn’t really feel like seeing Dalia, but he guessed that maybe going through lunch today would spare him another visit in the near future.

As soon as they arrived in the house, Kylen, Ethan’s youngest sibling, came to greet the guests. How the child was so nice and outgoing, being Dalia’s son, was something Ethan didn’t get; he supposed it was the nannies, or the fact that his dad had more free time now.

“Richard, you are back,” Dalia greeted, meeting them as well. She didn’t bother to hide her disgust when she saw him, “oh, you brought your son.”

“Of course! Now that he’s back, he’s going to hang out with us a lot more, right, kid?” He asked Ethan. Kylen looked at him, excitement visible in his eyes.

“Of course.” He lied.

“Yes! You have to come and see my room, you haven’t seen it since last time, and it’s cooler now, I promise.” Kylen said, as he took Ethan’s hand and tried to drag him upstairs.

Ethan had no problems with kids, and this was his little brother after all, but he couldn’t help but resent him and the twins a little. He didn’t have the chance of living with both of his parents at the same time during his childhood, nor did he live with his dad in fancy mansions. He had lived with his mom instead, while she worked hard to be able to open her own restaurant. He had everything while growing up, but he didn’t get holidays with them both, and the summer meant spending a whole month away from his mom.

“This is my new tiger, and that is my new robot. Mom says I have to have boy toys. But I like the tiger better.” Kylen said. Ethan rolled his eyes internally and sat on the floor with Kylen. The child was barely six, and his mother was already filling his young brain with toxic masculinity.

“You know, when I was your age,” Ethan started. God, he felt suddenly old at thirty-three years, “I liked plushies too. I liked the small soldiers as well. And you know what else I liked? Video games.”

“Mom doesn’t want me to play those. She says that they make people lazy and violent. Is it true?” Kylen asked with wide eyes.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Kylen stood and walked closer to Ethan, waiting for that secret. “I still play video games,” Ethan confessed in a whisper, “and maybe one day you can come to my place and play with me.”

Kylen gasped like Ethan just revealed having seen Santa Claus. “Do you have Pokemon? I want to play Pokemon.”

“I don’t, but I’m sure we can arrange something,” Ethan replied. He saw in real time how the child’s face lit up, “but you cannot tell your mom.” He reminded Kylen, who nodded effusively.

“And dad? Can dad know?”

“We’ll see.” Ethan said smugly with a wink.  
  
Lunch was all you could expect for a wealthy family with a full service at their disposal. Cooks and help were in charge of the whole thing, and Ethan couldn’t help but feel awkward to be served in his father house, even after thirty-three years.

His mother’s house was just the opposite. A noisy and loud Italian bunch where everybody cooked and brought food to the table. If you wanted to eat, you had to go and get your own food, and you’d be grateful for the food. Unlike his mom’s side of the family, the Holidays were distant and shallow. Dalia was sitting at one end of the table, barely eating and making sure the cooks knew everything that was wrong with their meal. The twins had their faces plastered to their smartphones, and Kylen and his dad were talking about some movie they had watched recently. Ethan was sitting on the other side of his dad, it was then that he could see the silver linings of growing up in privilege.

The food was good, despite Dalia’s complaints, but Ethan would take his mom’s cooking over any expensive delicacy any other day. After lunch was over, he had to try and leave before his dad tried to invite him for dinner as well.

Lucky for him, in a few hours, he’d be in a club full of half-naked men looking for the same as him, some uncomplicated and ephemeral fun.

*

Hours later, and in a different part of town, James was already regretting, just ten minutes into dinner, accepting his mother’s invitation. Heather Knox had spent the last few years curating her current image of suburban mom and making sure that everything looked perfect in her life. After James' dad bailed on them, she had had to start working to be able to provide for him and his sisters. Things hadn’t gone well after. She resented them for not being able to be the perfect housewife anymore, and things had turned cold between James and his mother in the years after his father left.

With time, they became more and more distant, and in the end, when James enlisted, she seemed more relieved than sad or scared for her only son going to Afghanistan.

At some point, while he was away, his mother had met Ted, who Tess had called back then ‘the most boring person ever’. Now they were living in Ted’s house, and his mother had gotten back her perfect picture and could spend all her time cooking and baking, discussing her perfect children with her neighbors, and hosting dinners for friends.

“So, James, Ted’s niece has been asking for you again.” His mother told him, handing him more plates for him to bring to the table.

“Who?” James asked, lost. Had he met Ted’s niece?

“Charlotte?” She told him as if it was obvious. The truth was that James didn’t remember her and yes, it was possible he had gone out with her and even slept with her, but James tended to have a bad memory for those kinds of encounters.

“Oh, yeah.” He nodded. He took the plates to the large table in the dining room and saw Tess sitting there and writing in her smartphone.

“Oh, don’t worry, I can do it all by myself.” He joked.

“Cool.” Tess replied, not even bothering to look up from the screen. James put the plates down and decided to mess with his little sister. After all, he had missed basically her whole childhood and had to make up for all those years. He approached her from behind, in complete silence, and then grabbed her phone from her hands. “Hey! Give it back!”

“Let’s see what was so interesting that you could not help your own brother, who by the way, came to this just for you.” James said, as he turned to prevent Tess from grabbing the phone. He stared at the screen for a split second before opening his eyes wide with the realization of what was written there “Oh my fucking God, Theresa,” he whispered, “you are writing porn.” He said trying not to laugh. It wasn’t just porn, it was gay porn if he had read correctly.

“Shhhh!” she hushed him, “give it back!”

“What? No! I am curious now.” He said taking another peak to the screen.

“Jamie!” She whined until he surrendered and gave the phone back.

“You should not be doing that now. Imagine if it had been mom.”

“If it had been mom, what?” Heather asked, joining them in the dining room, followed by Ted whom was bringing the food.

“Tess cursed.” James lied. Heather rolled her eyes, but he was not sure if it was because of the obvious lie or because of the usual bad language Tess used.

“You are going to have to change that when you start going to the new school.” Ted reminded her.

“Yeah, about that, I still don’t want to go.”

“Well, honey, we have already filed the paperwork, so you are starting there. Just give it a chance.” His mom tried. It was obvious that they had gone through this over and over, probably during the whole summer.

“I don’t know anyone there, and I’m gonna lose all my friends. Besides, I hate the uniform, and I don’t want to go to church.”

“Theresa, I can guarantee you that this school will open so many doors for you. Some of the best families in town have their kids going to this school. You should be grateful that your mother and I are willing to invest so much in your education.” Ted replied.

James tried to ignore it, but he couldn’t just stand this guy, who was not their father, telling them how to behave and to be grateful for things they hadn’t asked for in the first place.

“I happen to agree with the religious part though.” James said, unable to remain silent.

“Why? It’s not like we are not religious in this family.” Heather intervened, probably seeing James intentions.

“Mom, we are just Irish, since when are we so into the holy dude? Besides, the last few times I’ve been to church have been for either funerals or weddings, so I don’t see the point of trying to suddenly raise a fifteen-year-old girl with Catholic values.”

“Those are the same values you were raised with, Jamie.”

“I thought I was raised without a father and by my older sister because my mother had to work two jobs. Excuse me if I cannot find God present in that part of my life.”

“Okay, enough, James.” Ted said standing up. He had balls, James had to give him that. Ted was into his fifties, and yeah probably in better shape than many, but he really was willing to try and pick a fight with him? Not that James was scary or intimidating, he could be, but not in front of his mother and much less in front of Tess.

“Sorry, we are late!” Voices came from the hallway. Ally arrived just in time. Ally and her husband and two kids entered the room with the usual noise and chaos from families with two kids under five. While his mother and Tess stood to greet Ally and the kids, he and Ted kept staring at each other in silence. This might be Ted’s house, but that didn’t mean James couldn’t have the last word.

“Hey!” Ally said, greeting Ted, who had to finally look at her. James took it as a victory in the staring contest they had had.

“I’m glad you could make it! Joshua, how is it going?” Ted hugged Ally and then her husband, making sure James saw it all. The old man could be so obvious sometimes.

“Hello, stranger.” Ally said, finally addressing him.

“You are one to talk,” James replied, finally standing to greet his sister, “the kids are growing fast.”

“Well, if you visited more often…” Ally replied. James kneeled to say hi to his nephews. Both of them refused to go too close to him and only waved their hands from a distance. It was true that he didn’t see them that often, but the kids treated him like he was a stranger. It bothered James, and for some reason, he wanted to blame Joshua for it. They disliked each other, and it was no secret. That was the main reason he and Ally weren’t close anymore. She had married just months before he came back, even though he begged her to wait so he could be at her wedding and walk her down the aisle, as she had asked him at first.

“James.” Joshua nodded.

“Hm.” James mumbled. He went and sat as far as possible from his brother in law, and next to Tess, leaving Ted and Joshua, and Ally and his mother on the other side of the table. As soon as Ally had the kids set for dinner, because Joshua could not be bothered to take care of his sons, they started serving the plates.

“So, Joshua, I heard that your firm is picking up some new projects in the area.” And so it began. Ted would ask about Joshua’s job, his mother would be thrilled about her son in law’s success, and Ally would smile and remain silent.

“Hey, I’m still going with you after dinner, right?” Tess asked quietly, moving the turkey around in her plate. James had forgotten about it and after the shitty week he had, he was hoping to go out that night and maybe, if he was lucky, get laid.

He probably could still do that somewhere else if Tess were home, but the whole point of taking her out of the house was spending time together.

“Well,” James started.

“Please don’t do this to me,” she begged, “I can’t take it anymore. They want me to meet some of the people from the new school, and they keep setting things up.”

James sighed. He believed that his mother was probably capable of throwing Tess there only to be able to tell people that her daughter was now going to a private Catholic school.

“If Mom’s okay with it… But I might go out later, so you’ll be home alone for a few hours.”

“That’s fine, I’m bringing my console.” She explained. James supposed she had already packed her bags, probably even days ago.

“So, Jamie,” his mother called, “as I was telling you, Charlotte has been asking about you.”

“Yeah, I don’t-“

“I’m sure you made such an impression last time you met.” She insisted. James wanted to remember, but it seemed that the girl had not been memorable.

“How old are you, James? Thirty?” Joshua joined.

“Twenty-nine,” he corrected offended.

“When are you going to find yourself a nice girl?” It was his mother’s turn again. Recently, this had been one of the greatest hits at the so-called family dinners.

“Mom, we’ve talked about this.” He tried once more.

“She’s right, son. You should be starting to look for a good girl and-“

“Why don’t you mind your own business, Ted?”

“James!” Heather warned.

“What? I’ve told you many times that I’m not looking for that right now. Bringing it up every time we see each other is not going to change my mind.”

As usual, by then, Ted and Joshua would both agree that James was wasting his life, Ally would take no part in the conversation, and his mother would be distant and cold for the rest of the night. He couldn’t blame Tess for wanting to get out, so as soon as they were done eating, he announced that they were both leaving, and they might have actually run out of the house to avoid any protests.

As soon as they got to the car, Tess put her backpack in the backseat of James' nondescript sedan and sat in the passenger’s seat next to James as he started the car.

“So, you going out tonight?”

“I was thinking about it, yeah.”

“Too bad for Charlotte.” Tess teased.

“Who the hell is that? Seriously. Do I know her?”

“Fake blonde? Nurse? She was actually nice considering she’s related to Ted.”

“I swear to God I have no idea who you are talking about.” James assured her. It was unlikely that everybody in his family was messing with him and making Charlotte up, but he couldn’t remember her.

“I’m almost sure that you had some frisky action with her last Christmas in that stupid party with Ted’s family.

“Oh.” James said vaguely remembering now getting dangerously hammered as soon as he got to the party. Those had been the first holidays since he had been back that he got to spend with his family and he hadn’t been able to handle it too well, so he had drunk everything he found, and yeah, he’d totally believe he would do something as stupid as having drunk sex in the bathroom with another guest.

“I wish I could move in with you for good.” Tess said after a few minutes of silence, surprising James.

“Tessy, I don’t have the kind of time to take care of you.” He explained. It was true, and even though he loved Tess to death, and the guilt was a powerful reason for him to always give in to his little sister requests, he knew this one was a bad idea.

“But I’m already fifteen, I don’t need a babysitter. I can cook, and I will do my homework, and I’ll help you clean and-“

“Tessy that’s not it. You’d be alone all the time and-and some days when I go home I need to be alone. My job is not always pleasant and-“

“Being alone in your place would still be better than being home with mom and Ted. They keep giving me shit for-“

“Language!” James interrupted her.

“You don’t know what it’s like to live there.”

James sighed, feeling useless as the guilt ate him alive. They remained silent for the rest of the trip back to his apartment, and by the time they got there, James was holding on by a thread. He made sure Tess was settled up in the guestroom and allowed her to connect her console in the living room’s tv, which was considerably bigger than the screen in the other room.

As soon as he was done, he changed to leave, still feeling guilty about leaving her there alone but then again, he needed a break, and he needed it now.

He told her several times to call him if anything happened. He almost told her to try to get Alek next door, but he wasn’t sure how Alek would react to Tess since he was still mad at him.

For the first time in several weeks, James could feel the air finally getting slightly colder at night, which was a relief. Just like last time, he walked to the club and hoped it was not too early or too late, or at least that there was not a line around the whole block like other times.

*****

By the time he got to the club, there was a line, but it wasn’t too crazy yet, so he was able to get in in less than thirty minutes and even managed to flirt with some guys on the line.

Once inside, he did the same thing he did every other night in the club, order a beer and two shots of tequila and scan the room. The usual crowd was lively as ever. Men dancing and humping half naked on the dancefloor, twinks trying to get free drinks from older men and a few smaller groups in the VIP section drinking probably overpriced booze and snorting all kinds of snortable substances.

Whenever he came to the club, he’d have this thought in the back of his head, what if there was a raid that night? This club, most clubs probably, were always like a marketplace for forbidden substances, so anytime the NYPD needed a victory, they could just raid the club, confiscate some drugs and make a bunch of arrests.

He shook his head, trying to go back to the matter in question, enjoying himself for a little while, but his mood was going sour by the minute. Dinner at his mom’s place had been the cherry on top of a not very good week. Alek still didn’t talk to him or text him back, work was the usual busy, and Lance kept chasing him in the hallways to “have a word”.

He downed his two shots of tequila and ordered two more before looking around again. The music was loud and that helped him ignore his thoughts and focus on the bodies moving with the rhythm in hopes of distracting himself with the hypnotic swirling of hips and sweaty bodies.

He contemplated joining them, but then he reminded himself how much of a terrible dancer he was as he realized he was not drunk enough to not be self-conscious. He could see a few lonely guys that might be in the mood for what he wanted, but he was still not sure of what he needed. He wanted a good fuck, that much he knew, but he was still trying to figure out on which end of it he wanted to be that night.

He was ordering two more shots and another beer when he crossed looks with Brendan. He froze in place and the escort gave him an annoyed look and waved his hand from where he stood. It was obvious enough that it was not a friendly greeting.

James drank his two shots as fast as he could to get out of there while watching Brendan talking to another guy, eyes still glued on him. He just hoped he wasn’t talking shit about him, but it seemed unlikely.

The other guy was now looking at him too, so he turned around too fast to react to the body he just walked into. He took a quick step back, the adrenaline rush making him feel lightheaded.

“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking.” He said as he looked up. The only words that crossed James' mind in that moment were ‘fuck me gently with a chainsaw’. Special Agent Ethan Holiday was looking at him with a smug smile.

“You are forgiven, Detective.” Ethan said with that stupid perfect smile of his. James swallowed and was sure that if it hadn’t been for the music, Ethan would have been able to hear it.“What’s a good Catholic boy like you doing in a place like this?” He asked, taking a step forward, making James take another step back.

“The same pretty much every other guy is doing here?” He asked stupidly. Now he was feeling all that tequila kicking in.

“Uh huh.”

“What about you?” James asked, feeling the bar against his back. He was now trapped between Ethan and the counter, with nowhere to go.

“Same as you, I hope.” Ethan replied, leaning in and speaking directly into his ear, making James shiver. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He would never admit it, but Ethan should be ashamed of the things he did in James' imagination. He was now so close that James could feel the warmth of his skin through his clothes. Or maybe he was just too hot, horny, and drunk.

Before he had the chance to ask what he wanted from him, he felt Ethan’s hand on his hip, caressing him through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. And then another hand on his lower back, going lower and lower, making him move forward, impossibly closer.

“I noticed that you liked looking at me.” Ethan purred against his ear again. James was embarrassingly excited and wasn’t sure if he wanted Ethan to notice him getting hard against his leg or not.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

James shivered again, his skin raising goosebumps despite the heat. What he wouldn’t give for a kiss. Ethan’s lips looked so soft and tempting, James remembered his face by heart, and yet, he couldn’t see it right then.

“Let’s go.” That was all Ethan said before stepping back and taking his hand to lead him through the crowds and towards the restrooms.

James just let the other man drag him with him, still not believing this was happening. Ethan pushed him inside an empty stall and followed him, closing the door with a bang.

In the blink of an eye, there were hands everywhere, on his ass, his groin, and his chest. But James noticed mostly that Ethan still wouldn’t kiss him. Even the most impersonal quickies in the back alley had had at least a bit of mouth to mouth.

James took his chance and, while letting Ethan grope him, pressed his lips against Ethan’s. He didn’t kiss him back.

“Turn around.” Ethan ordered then. If James hadn’t been so horny and so drunk, that would have broken his heart a little more. It would hurt in the morning.

He started turning and undoing his belt, hearing Ethan do the same. He hadn’t even finished lowering his jeans before Ethan started fingering him. Where did the lube come from? James wondered for a second or two before the burning sensation of being opened tore a moan out of him. He had to lean against the stall’s wall, bending over as much as possible to allow Ethan better access.

“I knew you would be gorgeous just like this.” Ethan said from behind him before a slap landed on his cheek, startling him.

“No slapping.” James told him over his shoulder. Ethan immediately caressed the affected area, raising goosebumps as his hand stroked his skin.

“Ready?” He asked. James could only nod in response, now feeling several fingers moving in and out of him. He was too worked up already, and Ethan hadn’t barely started.

“Fuck me, already!” He begged. His voice was rough and dry from excitement, and he hoped he wasn’t embarrassing himself too much in front of Ethan.

Fortunately, he heard the unmistakable sound of a tinfoil package being ripped, and the next thing he knew was that Ethan was pushing him back against the stall and breaching him inch by inch.

James grunted and groaned, trying to keep it together. The truth was that he hadn’t had a chance to take a look and see what Ethan was carrying, and that had been a mistake because the other man was packing big.

James tried to breath through it, trying to relax and allow the invasion. He started shaking, and did all he could to remain still until Ethan bottomed out. When he finally felt Ethan’s hips against his backside, he sighed loudly, making Ethan chuckle.

“Are you okay?” He heard Ethan ask. Only then did he realize how close they were in that small space. Again, all he could do was nod. “Can I move?” Another nod.

Ethan pulled out gently before pushing in again, slowly, as if he was suddenly aware of James being a human being. James gasped with the next thrust, and then again when he unexpectedly felt Ethan’s lips on his neck, and his teeth on his skin.

In no time Ethan was riding him hard, one hand firmly gripping his hip and the other trying to get to his cock. James appreciated the sentiment and led Ethan’s hand between his legs, letting him touch him while guiding his moves.

There were similar noises coming from other stalls--moans, doors being banged, walls shaking, the characteristic sound of skin being slapped. This was not the set up he usually had in mind whenever he fantasized about Ethan, but at that point, he’d take anything he could have, and right now, that was getting off with him.

Ethan’s rhythm started becoming erratic, and his thrusts became faster and harder. He grabbed him by both hips to pound into him as hard as he apparently could as he finally let himself get lost. Ethan groaned, climaxing with a few last thrusts before finally stopping.

James immediately felt overwhelmed. He expected Ethan to do what most guys did once they were done, pull out and leave him there hanging. He braced himself for the handless slap and the rejection, but Ethan didn’t move. His hand found his way again to the front of James’ jeans and started jerking him off again, without pulling out or moving any other limb.

A loud moan escaped James' lips before he could help it, and he started fucking Ethan’s tight fist chasing his own orgasm. He came shortly after against the wall, leaning back against Ethan’s firm chest. He was trying to catch his breath when Ethan pulled out completely and let him go. James took it as what it probably was, Ethan was done with it and with him.

He buttoned his jeans and buckled his belt again, hearing Ethan do the same after getting rid of the condom. James still felt a bit overwhelmed so he wanted to get out of such a small space, but he had to take a step back to open the door and get out. He left the stall as if it was on fire and went to the sinks. Ethan followed him and they washed their hands in silence, not acknowledging each other.

James felt like crying. He could feel his eyes starting to burn. He was drunk and fucked, and all he wanted was for Ethan not to treat him like most men did. He took a deep breath, bracing himself on the sink with both hands. He stood there, waiting for Ethan to leave the bathroom so he could fall apart in private, or at least with all the privacy a restroom full of people fucking could provide.

He stood there for endless seconds, still able to see Ethan’s shape in his peripheral vision. He needed to leave. He wanted to go home. He wanted to talk to someone about this. He took another deep breath and turned to leave.

Ethan was standing there, looking at him. He was probably doing the whole psychoanalysis thing on him again, trying to figure out why this had fucked him up so badly, wondering about his childhood, maybe.

“Are you okay?” Ethan asked, taking a step closer, probably to make sure James could hear him.

James nodded, not looking directly at Ethan. James took off, walking past Ethan and leaving him behind. He wasn’t running but he was not stopping, even if that meant pushing some guys on his way out.

He made it to the doors and could almost feel the night air, when someone grabbed his wrist. He didn’t let that stop him, and he went outside anyway, dragging whoever it was with him.

“What’s with the hurry?” Ethan asked tugging his hand to make him stop once they were outside.

“I have to go.” James said. His voice sounded weird, probably the lump in his throat.

“Oh.” Ethan seemed disappointed?

“I- I’ll see you. Around?” James didn’t want to ask. He wanted to play it cool, but apparently he couldn’t. Lucky for him, Ethan was probably drunk enough to smile at him and nod.

“Good night then, Detective.”

“Yeah, g’night.” James replied, but he didn’t turn to leave. In an unexpected move, Ethan raised his hand to cup his cheek and gave him a quick kiss. As soon as Ethan’s lips touched his, James leaned in, trying to deepen the kiss. Ethan allowed it, but only for so long.

“Good night, James.” Ethan said at last, letting him go.

“Good night.” James replied probably with a silly smile. With a completely different mood now, he turned and started walking, his heart still racing from that one kiss.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more infinite thanks to @Chibichocopaws


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pizza Pizza

Ethan returned to the club feeling a little lightheaded after the physical activity and the few drinks he’d already had that night. He was thankful his friends had a reserved area with couches and a table so it wouldn’t be too hard to find them in the club.

As soon as he reached the couches and sat on the spot available, Leah looked at him and gasped, “how dare you?”

“What?”

“You were going to get me a drink!” She yelled to make herself heard despite the loud music.

“Oh,” Ethan remembered, “I forgot.”

“I can see that! And I can also see you got laid, you asshole!” She went on.

“What’s going on? Why is Leah yelling at you?” Mila asked, joining the conversation.

"Ethan offered to get me a drink and apparently," Leah sighed, finishing her statement in exasperation, "he forgot."

“How could you forget you were getting drinks?” Mila laughed. “Did you go to the bar and when you got there you didn’t remember anymore?”

“Well, I ran into someone.” Ethan offered trying not to give away too much information.

Mila gasped in excitement. “Who was he?! Tell me everything. ”She sat next to Ethan and placed her face on her hands waiting for the story.

“Now I have to go get myself a drink! And look at the line! It will take forever.” Leah complained as she struggled to stand on her high heels.

“So a few weeks ago I met this cute detective while working a case with the NYPD...” he started. He had Mila’s undivided attention, but he was looking at Leah, who was now standing but not going anywhere. “Leah?”

“I’m not that thirsty anymore. There are too many people, and it’ll take too long to order.” She sat down again and turned towards him, encouraging him to go on with his story.

“So, I met that guy, and I was convinced that he had been staring. I caught him looking at me a few times.” Ethan told them.

“Look at you! So full of yourself.” Mila giggled.

“What matters here is that I was right.” He replied.

“So what? You just saw him, and he was just happy to take it?” Leah asked.

“Why are you upset? The whole point of coming here tonight was having fun.” Ethan said. “I’m sorry about your drink. I’ll go get you one now.”

“Not, it’s fine.” She insisted.

Ethan was drunk, but he knew Leah well enough to know something upset her. She was his usual support with issues with men or dating. He could always count on Leah for advice, even if it meant telling him he was being an idiot about something.

“Hey, I have been meaning to ask, but I don’t know if it’s okay...” Mila started.

“Ask about what?” Ethan said, fully aware of where the conversation was going.

“What happened when Leah went to DC to see you? Last winter?” Ethan sighed. He knew he had scared his friends back then, and to make it worse, all the secrecy around the incident probably only made them more curious about it.

“It was just an interview in prison.” He lied.

“It was supposed to be an interview in prison.” Leah corrected him.

“But it didn’t go well?” Mila asked. She was too curious for her own good, and she knew that with a few drinks Ethan would be more talkative.

“I was interviewing a dangerous felon, and he was not secured properly. He freed himself and attacked me. That’s all.”

“But-“

“He’s fine now, Mila. There’s nothing to worry about.” Leah sentenced. She was now in a bad mood. Or at least worse than before. The whole conversation brought Ethan back to that questioning room and the taste of blood in his mouth.

“See, you broke him.” Leah’s voice sounded distant, but Ethan held on to it to come back.

“I’m sorry. I’m just worried. It was all so sudden, and you guys wouldn’t tell me anything. You didn’t tell your parents either. That’s when I knew it was something terrible.” Mila said tearing up. “I thought you were going.” She held Ethan’s hand, and he squeezed back.

“No, no, nothing like that!” Ethan assured. He didn’t want to lie to her, but he couldn’t tell her the entire truth either. He couldn’t tell her that he had been foolish and had wanted to interview a dangerous murderer just to prove to others that he could, and also because he was too curious to let this chance pass. He had been relatively new in the case, and everyone had told him not to give in and let Christianson make requests. He had been too proud to listen. As soon as he got there, Christianson became obsessed with him, and that day a new guard had been in charge. The prisoner hadn’t been secured the way he should have. Ethan remembered seeing the man suddenly standing and jumping over the table. After that, all he remembered was just pain and the taste of blood in his mouth. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe. The next time he woke up, he was in the hospital, with several broken ribs, a concussion and a myriad of other injuries, including dislocation of both shoulders.

“Hey, what’s with those long faces?” Julien asked, joining them after he was finished talking with one of the few straight women in the bar. He was in a surprisingly good mood given the circumstances; he had divorced less than a month ago and was in a gay bar of all places.

“No long faces, it’s all good.” Ethan replied, finally being pulled from his memories.

“We are going to a different club next time. Don’t get me wrong, I love all the attention I’m getting, but you are the only one who can score here.” Julien told Ethan, getting closer so he could hear it.

“He already did!” Mila said.

“Good job, Holiday!” Julien congratulated him with a pat on the back. “You want to go out there and mingle? I feel like dancing, but I’ll need a partner.” Julien said. What he meant was that he wanted Ethan to keep other guys away in case they got too close.

“Yes! Wait for me!” Mila exclaimed getting up in one swift move.

Leah rolled her eyes but ended up standing as well and following the others.

They joined the people on the dance-floor and soon were surrounded by men dancing and grinding on each other. Julien kept Ethan close with a hand on his hip while the girls danced with each other. Mila was the life of the party more often than not, so it wasn’t surprising when she made some new friends while dancing.

Ethan couldn’t help to look around. He knew James had left the club, but he did it anyway. It was a pity that James had gone home so soon, he would have liked to at least dance with him. Ethan now wondered if James was a good dancer. He didn’t have the chance to see his body but he had felt him through his clothes, and it was obvious that James was fit.

It had been nice to find him here; a little surprising even. Ethan didn’t expect to find the detective in a club since he was in the closet, but he guessed that this was the only time and place where James could get laid.

The other thing Ethan couldn’t stop thinking about was the kiss. He didn’t mean to kiss James, or anyone for that matter. He didn’t like kissing, especially if it was a one-night stand. But then James looked so sad and confused and even hurt, and he just wanted to fix it. There was something about James that kept Ethan wondering and wanting to know more, and that kind of curiosity usually brought him trouble.

Later, when they couldn’t keep up with the music and were ready to call it a night, Mila offered them all a ride to Upper Manhattan since her husband was picking her up. Ethan found it cute that Mila’s husband would stay away to pick her up and drive her home any night she wanted to go out. He guessed that was the difference, Mila’s husband didn’t come from a wealthy family like them, and he hadn’t grown up with privilege. He probably knew that Mila could afford a cab or even a private driver, and still, he’d rather pick her up.

“Do you guys want to come over for some drinks? You can crash at my place if it gets late.” Julien offered as they got out of the club.

“It’s already late, and I can’t wait to get home and take off these shoes.” Leah said pointing at her feet.

“How can it still be this hot?” Mila complained. It was the middle of the night, and it was still hot enough to break a sweat just by standing outside.

Just a few minutes later, Luke, Mila’s husband, stopped his car at the curb. “Need a ride?” He joked.

“My hero!” Mila exclaimed before climbing in the passenger seat, leaving the backseat to Ethan, Leah and Julien. They all managed to get in the car, and did their best not to elbow each other while finding the seat belts.

They had been in the car for around ten minutes when Ethan received a text. It was too late for anyone he knew to text him, and it was most likely not work since they would have called instead. Now he had to get his phone out of his pocket in the small space.

“What in the world are you doing?” Leah asked after being pushed.

“I got a text.” Ethan explained.

“It’s either murder or a booty call.” Julien joked.

“I hope it’s neither.” He said, finally getting his phone out of his pocket. As soon as he unlocked the screen he regretted doing so in public.

“Is that a dick pic?” Julien asked trying to see the screen while Leah rolled her eyes.

“Is it from the guy you met tonight?” Mila asked from the passenger seat, turning to look at them and maybe get a glimpse of the screen.

“It is a dick pic and no, it’s not from that guy. It’s my ex’s.” Ethan said as he deleted it and blocked the number. Derek had this stupid idea that sending him dick pics or some horny texts in the middle of the night would make him come back. That had worked in the past while Ethan was still in DC and didn’t know any better.

He was over it now, and far away from Derek and all his lies and fake hopes. In retrospect, it was infuriating how he had fallen for all the classic lies. He should have known Derek would never leave his wealthy wife and kids.

He had learned from this whole experience and now would make sure not to get too close to unavailable men, that included both married and closeted. That kind of relationship always ended with a lot of hurt feelings and heartbreak.

“You aren’t going to reply to that, are you?” Leah asked looking at him. He knew she was looking for any indication that he was lying, and he knew that because he used to do the same.

“Of course not. I should have blocked his number the second I broke up with him the last time.” He said with a sigh. He hoped not to hear from Derek ever again, and if he did, that is was merely work-related.

* * *

 

 

James couldn’t stop reliving every second of that kiss while biting his lower lip to avoid the stupid smile he was sure he had painted on his face.

He walked all the way back home thinking about contacting Ethan again. It wouldn’t be too hard to get his number, and maybe he’d be interested in some friends with benefits agreement. Maybe that would even become something else? As soon as he started getting his hopes high, that deep darkness permanently inside arose to remind him of every single thing he hated about himself. He was in the closet. He was not desirable. Ethan could pick any guy in the city, and he probably had only wanted to get off and just picked him because he knew James would be easy.

He had to stop that train of thought and shake his head as if that would shake the thoughts out of it. He had to remember not to let himself dwell on those kinds of thoughts, but it was harder to do it than to say it.

Once he got to his building, he hurried upstairs. He felt great so he decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator. As usual, the building smelled like food, curry probably, and he could hear voices coming from some of the apartments. Most of the tenants were young couples or families, but they still had to deal with a judgmental old lady from the second floor who made sure to let everyone know how much she disliked them.

When he reached his floor, he fished for his keys inside his jean’s pocket and picked the right one. He looked at Alek’s closed door as he passed by. Would he be home now? James wanted to talk to him--apologize, fix things, whatever was necessary to get his best friend back, but it was not the right time. It was late, so it could probably wait until at least the next day.

He was not surprised to see Tess wide awake playing video games on the couch when he opened the door to his apartment.

“How are you even still awake?” He asked. He left the keys in the bowl by the door and walked by the couch towards his room, hoping Tess wouldn’t notice anything strange.

“Red Bull. Also, what’s with the hair?” Tess stood on the sofa and walked towards him. “Oh my God! Is that a hickey?” She almost yelled.

“Don’t you have some more monsters to kill?” He asked trying to dodge the question.

“Aw, why don’t you want to tell me? Did you have a date? Was she nice? I bet she was if she bit you like that.”

“Look, I’m going to take a shower and go to bed. If you want to play some more, don’t be too loud.” James called from his room. He needed the shower, he was sweaty and sticky. If Tess replied, he didn’t hear it after locking himself in the bathroom. After undressing, he could appreciate other marks on his body besides the so-called hickey. He had what tomorrow would be faint bruises on his hips as well. Just by looking he could feel Ethan’s hands on him all over again.

He had to take a cold shower in the end to calm himself and also to get a break from the heat. When he emerged from the bathroom, he noticed that the lights in the living were off now, so Tess had probably gone to bed already.

He let himself fall on his bed clumsily, finally appreciating how tired he was. It had been a really long day. Work had been rough, dinner at his mom’s was as disappointing as usual and finally, going to the club was the usual mix of different emotions. He usually liked being able to be himself for a couple of hours, but he hated how he felt afterwards--when he had to go back to the secrets and the shame. The truth was that he didn’t even really like clubs, but it was the easiest way to find men willing to give him some attention while maintaining anonymity since no one in the club gave a fuck about names most of the time.

He tossed and turned for several minutes trying to get comfortable and fall asleep, but it didn’t take long for the marine training to kick in, granting him a few hours of sleep.

 

Just like last time he had gone to the club, he had forgotten to close the blinds, and he woke up with the first light of the morning, cursing himself.

Instead of waking up, he laid in bed for a bit longer, thinking back to the night before. He could imagine hands on him, lips on his neck, the warmth of another body close to his. Before he could stop himself, he gave in and reached for his hardening cock, looking for some release. It didn’t take long before he was sweating and trying to muffle any noise with a pillow while thrusting into his own fist. God, he hoped Ethan hadn’t ruined him for other guys now.

He came with a quiet moan all over his hand and belly, and also just in time to hear the guest room door open. He froze, listening to every noise and hoping he hadn’t been too loud to wake Tess up. The steps seemed to go to the kitchen. He then heard the fridge door being opened, and only then did he release his breath. What the hell was wrong with him? He needed another shower now.

He stood carefully trying not to stain anything and then locked himself in the bathroom for another cold shower.

Once he emerged from his room freshly showered and dressed, he found Tess eating cereal on the breakfast bar.

“Hey.” She said.

“A little bit early, isn’t it?” He asked in response. It was barely seven, and she was up already. He went past her and made himself some coffee before adding some cream and sweetener.

“I wanted to make the best of my day.” She shrugged.

“That means stay here playing video games and using my AC?”

“Ted won’t let me turn it on at home, but then his studio and his bedroom have it on whenever he’s there. He’s an asshole.” James sighed. He knew he had to do something to make things better for Tess, but he had no idea what that was.

“You can stay here and play all you want.” He told her. If all he could do was offer a temporary and cool shelter, he would.

“I want your expert opinion on something.” Tess said suddenly, dropping her spoon in the cereal bowl with a clink.

“Okay.” James took a sip of his now drinkable and sweet coffee and sat next to Tess.

“Are you going to eat something besides coffee?” She asked, raising a brow.

“I need to wake up first. Why? You want something?”

“I wouldn’t say no to pancakes…” She offered. Of course, this was what it was all about.

“I see. I don’t even know if I have anything to make pancakes.” James stood up and started searching for pancake mix in the cabinets. He might have some left from some other time.

“There is pancake mix in the cabinet next to the fridge.” Tess helped him.

“You could have said that instead of letting me look for it.” The box was unopened, and it seemed good to eat. “What were you saying before about my expert opinion?”

“Oh, yeah. Hold on.” She jumped off the stool and ran to get her backpack. “I did some research, and I think Ted killed his first wife.” She said as she pulled a binder out of her backpack, making James choke on his coffee.

“What the fuck, Tess?” James asked once he had stopped coughing.

“No, I’m serious, look!” She said offering the open binder. She had definitely taken her time to look into it. The binder had all kinds of files, from pictures to some newspaper articles Tess had printed. All of them recounted the tragedy that had taken Emilia’s life. He didn’t want to get drawn into this, but Tess had a point. The circumstances were indeed suspicious, and Ted had only been questioned once according to Tess’ research.

“Isn’t it true that in cases like this one, it’s usually the husband who killed her?” She asked.

“Yeah, but it seems like the police didn’t even consider him a suspect.” James said while eying the rest of the research.

“Isn’t that fishy?”

“He wasn’t home when it happened. I guess that he had a tight alibi and-“

“They never caught the killer.” Tess interrupted. “If it was your wife, wouldn’t you go crazy about it? Wouldn’t you want revenge?”

“Maybe he believes all that shit about forgiving they say at church.” He shrugged. God, he didn’t have time for this.

“What if he kills mom?” Tess asked completely serious. “What if he kills me?” James sighed. He didn’t want to make Tess feel like her concerns were not valid, but maybe she was letting this whole thing go too far.

“I wouldn’t let that happen, okay? I’ll look into it, but I’m telling you, there’s nothing to worry about. He’s an asshole, but I doubt he has the guts to kill someone.”

And talking about murder, his phone started ringing in his room. He went to get it not very surprised to see it was work.

“Knox.” He answered.

“We have what seems to be a second victim.” Sarge said. He didn’t sound pleased.

“Great, I didn’t have plans for today anyway.” James replied trying to be sarcastic, but the truth was that he had no plans other than laundry and maybe catching up with some TV shows. “Text me the address.”

With that he hung up and went back to the living room. He didn’t miss Tess’ disappointment.

“Raincheck on the pancakes I guess?” She asked.

“Maybe we can hang out later? I’ll even play video games with you.” He offered, knowing it wouldn’t be enough.

“Why? You suck.” She replied. Tess had probably learned that from him, and that broke his heart a little. He didn’t want Tess to have the same unhealthy coping mechanisms, he wanted her to tell him she was upset instead of joking about it.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay?”

“Lunch?” Tess asked hopeful.

“I’ll try, but probably not.” James admitted while he took his keys and badge and went back to his room to get his gun.

“I need food money.” Tess called from the living room. That made him smile. On his way to the door he gave her fifty dollars for whatever she wanted and then left.

 

Even though it was still early, the heat was already almost unbearable. He walked to the car and saw Zach waiting there.

“Good morning.” Zach greeted him. He looked fresh and well rested, as usual. James wished he could be like that. Instead, James would be tired, over-caffeinated and hungry most of the time.

“Ready to ruin your Saturday?” He asked as he slid on his sunglasses.

“I wouldn’t say ruin, but definitely not what I had planned for today.” Zack shrugged. They both climbed in the car and got their seatbelts on. As soon as James started it, he felt Zack’s eyes on him, and he realized that Zack was probably looking at the hickey on the side of his neck. He waited a few seconds, expecting Zack to maybe say something about it, but the other man looked forward and said nothing.

“So, did you do something last night?” James asked needing to fill the silence.

“I went out with some friends to try a new vegan place and to check a new art gallery in this area.” Zack told him. James guessed that it was the kind of plan normal people had on Friday nights. Going out with friends instead of going to a club and hoping a complete stranger would be in the mood for a quickie in a dirty bathroom stall.

“Hey, what was the address again?” James asked, making a turn. He was driving in the general direction of Hell’s Kitchen, but he needed to know where they were going. Zack read the address and had to give him some indications before they made it there.

Thankfully it was still early for a Saturday and traffic hadn’t been terrible, but they still seemed to be the last ones on the scene. As soon as they got out of the car, James recognized Doctor Montemayor crouching next to the body and Sarge standing close by talking to Agent Ellis.

The FBI was on the scene already which meant that Ethan was here as well.

“So nice of you to join us today, James.” James was approaching the body when he heard Lance’s voice. He turned to find him next to one of the patrol cars with one of the officers.

“What are you doing here? This is not even your case.”

“It is now. I guess Sarge thought you and Zack could use some help.” Lance said shrugging innocently. He was enjoying this. James groaned as he rolled his eyes and walked to where the body was.

As soon as he got close, he was able to see the carnage.

“Jesus.” James mumbled.

“I know, right?” The doctor replied looking up at him. “Whoever did it, didn’t like her very much.”

“So, what do we have?” James asked, crouching as well on the other side of the body.

“Female, mid-twenties, and a bunch of what really seem like random injuries. There are five teeth missing, and bruising along both sides of her face. Maybe the killer tried to hold her while pulling out her teeth.”

“They did that while she was alive?” James asked before he could consider if he wanted to know the response. Doctor Montemayor seemed to know better, so she ignored the question and kept going.

“Then we have this,” she said, pointing at a cut in the victim’s neck, “the incision severed all tissue and vessels down to the vertebrae.”

“But-“

“Where is all the blood, you ask? There’s nothing besides this small puddle over here.” She explained before he had the chance to ask. There was, in fact, some blood next to the body, but that didn’t seem consistent with the injuries sustained by the victim. “I was wondering the same thing. But listen, that’s not all. The clothes are clean up here, but there are more injuries.”

James sighed. “Where?” Doctor Montemayor moved towards the victim’s belly, pointing at the lower abdomen.

“Several incisions in this area. Same weapon. Could be a big knife. The perpetrator was left-handed.” She added.

“Could it be a hunting knife like the first victim?”

“Maybe.”

“Hello, Doctor.” James heard Ethan say behind him. He stood as if he had been struck by lightning. “Detective.” Ethan added when he reached him. He had a smug smile on his face, and James didn’t fail to see how Ethan’s eyes traced the marks on his neck, making him blush.

James spotted Zack and walked away from Ethan with the excuse of checking on Zack. He should have imagined that something like this was going to happen, and that this case would be even worse to work in. And now he also had the added pain in the ass that was Lance playing politics with his case.

James sighed loudly as he approached Sarge and Zack to join their conversation. He hoped this case didn’t take too long so he didn’t have to deal with Ethan at work. But on the other hand, he hoped he could still have a chance to maybe see him outside of work.


	8. Chapter 8

Ethan barely had time to wake up and make some coffee, when he had gotten the call. He was slightly hungover and hadn’t been able to get much sleep in the end.  
On his way to the crime scene, all he could think about was James. He knew the detective would be there, and that their interactions would be even more awkward now than they already had been. Still, he felt somewhat excited to see the detective again.  
He arrived on the scene with Lena as usual, and they took a look around. Like the previous victim, she had been killed on the streets of Hell’s Kitchen. By the looks of it, she had been strangled when the killer cut out her throat and stabbed her.  
He walked around the crime scene, trying to find anything around the body or the alleys nearby when he saw another car show up. He observed as James got out of the car with his partner and crossed the crime scene tape. He couldn’t help a smile, watching James show up late in casual jeans, a t-shirt and sunglasses.  
“Detective?” One of the CSI technicians said, calling Detective Coleman. Ethan only then realized that he was here, the question was why. Previously Sergeant Gray had stated that they’d be working with James and Detective Willows and that Coleman was to offer support if needed, but he was definitely acting like this was his case.  
“What do you have?” Coleman asked, approaching the other man. Ethan did the same.  
“Seems like the victim’s purse.” The CSI guy held out the small black purse. It looked expensive, and it matched the victim’s outfit and style.  
“Can you open it?” Ethan intervened, ignoring Coleman’s frown.  
“I’m Special Agent Ethan Holiday.” Ethan said showing his badge when the guy didn’t react.  
“Yes, of course.”  
“May I?” Ethan tried, taking the purse with gloved hands. He opened it to find a comb, a white handkerchief and a pocket mirror. He inspected each item separately, not finding anything odd with any of them.  
“Happy?” Coleman asked when Ethan gave the purse back to the CSI to bag the evidence.  
“Why would I be? We are not any closer to finding the killer.”  
“What’s your opinion about the case?” The detective asked. His tone was more condescending than he probably thought, like he was trying to sound interested just to disregard whatever Ethan said in response.  
“The killings could be completely random or incredibly precise. For all we know, there is no serial killer, and this is just a coincidence.” Ethan replied.  
“I see.” Coleman smiled at him and then turned and walked away.  
Ethan took that chance to approach the body again and also see James. As soon as he approached, he announced himself, “Doctor, Detective.”  
James, who had been crouching next to the body, stood swiftly, suddenly tense. Doctor Montemayor acknowledged him but didn’t stand.  
“Anything relevant?” He asked, looking at James. Only then did he notice the hickey decorating his neck. There was no way that James hadn’t noticed him staring, and that became even more evident when James blushed.  
“I’m going to check on Zack.” He mumbled. With that he walked away, leaving him alone with the doctor and the body.  
“Now you scared him.” She said.  
“Excuse me?” Ethan laughed.  
“You are excused. And nothing relevant since the last time you asked.” She said before going back to the body, ignoring him.  
Ethan sighed and went back to the car where Lena was waiting.  
“So?” She asked, climbing into the SUV.  
“It doesn’t look like the same MO. The other victim was stabbed to death, this one was strangled. That doesn’t match the Butcher at all.”  
“We are not dropping the case.” She said starting the car.  
  
Hours later he was back in lower Manhattan to join the NYPD in the precinct to go over the case again. As usual, Lena abandoned him as soon as they got to homicide, so he had to navigate the bullpen on his own. He saw James and the other detectives in the same room they had been in the last time he was in the precinct.  
“I’m just saying that if the purse was found in the trash, and the phone and wallet are missing, it might be a robbery gone wrong.” He heard James say when he entered the room.  
James was sticking a picture of the first victim on a white blackboard and arguing with Coleman. “The killer might be just trying to throw us off.” Lance replied. “Why would anyone take five of her teeth if they just wanted the money and the phone?”  
“Maybe they were gold?” James joked before seeing Ethan by the door. He barely acknowledged him with a shy nod.   
“Do you have an ID on the victim already?” Ethan asked, joining Zack at the table.  
Zack passed him a folder, “Kimberly Millwood, she was a NYU student.”  
Ethan took the folder and scanned over the information, trying to keep an eye on James. He was putting more pictures on the blackboard and writing the names of the victims under them.  
The victim was a business student, she was in her early twenties and was supposed to meet friends on Friday night. “Is there any connection between this victim and the previous one?”  
“Other than a fancy taste, nothing much.” James said, finally addressing him and joining them at the table. “Melissa Taylor was older than Kimberly, so it’s unlikely that they met in school or had the same social circles, since Kimberly was a student.”  
“What about money? What do their bank accounts look like?” Ethan asked. They hadn't looked into it yet, but if both victims were connected, maybe that was the link.  
“We can try to get bank statements, but it can take a while,” Zack explained, “maybe you’d have better luck?”  
“Let me make a call about that.” Ethan said, standing up and leaving the room. It didn’t take even one ring for Nyoko to pick up. He explained that they needed to access the victims bank records, and she assured him they’d have them later that day.  
Back in the conference room, they went through all the people connected to the second victim. They’d have to interview her roommates and maybe the ex-boyfriend, but Ethan didn’t expect to get anything out of it.  
“Hey, Holiday, have you guys checked with any of your databases?” Coleman asked. “The killer might have just moved here from somewhere else or maybe is a copycat.”  
“I can confirm that it’s not a copycat, at least not for any American killer that has been registered in any FBI databases.” Ethan replied. He couldn’t help thinking that Lance was trying to take over the investigation by questioning everyone else’s efforts.  
“Okay, Zack and I are off to talk to the roommates.” James announced.  
“I’d like to come too.” Ethan said.  
“Sure.” James replied picking up his phone and preparing to leave.  
“What about me? You expect me to just sit here and wait?” Detective Coleman asked.  
“You can go back to your cases. I’m sure you’ll find something to do.” James smiled at him, and the other detective rolled his eyes with annoyance.  
They left the station, and Ethan had to ride with James and Zack in their assigned car. The old nondescript sedan had probably seen better days, but it was evident that both detectives kept the car clean. He chose to sit in the backseat and take the opportunity to observe the detectives work. At some point during the ride, Zack offered them granola bars, and even though James said no, Zack gave it to him, and he ate it anyway.  
As expected, the interviews didn’t provide any vital information, the victim was well-loved, had no enemies and no one knew what she could have been doing in that area. By the end of the day, they hadn’t been able to confirm if this was indeed the work of a serial killer.  
Once they returned to the station, Lena joined them in the room, along with Sergeant Gray.  
“We will have autopsy results by Monday,” Gray told them, “for now, go home. Get some sleep.” He added, looking at James, who rolled his eyes.  
“We will work on her social media accounts.” Lena said to them all, but she was looking at Ethan. “If there is any link between any of the victims there, Nyoko will find them.”   
That reminded him about the bank accounts.  
“Do we have access to bank records yet?” He asked Lena.   
She sighed.“The judge denied the first attempt since they didn’t find enough to prove the victims are related, so we had to request two different orders, one for each case. By then they told us to wait until Monday.”  
“It might be irrelevant, but all victims, all five, if we count the three possibly related victims, were killed on weekends.” James said, looking at the blackboards.  
“I doubt the killer did it knowing that judges won’t do shit on weekends.” Lena said. James laughed and looked back at the blackboard.  
“Kid, go home. I want you fresh on Monday morning. You too, Zack.” With those words, Gray left, and soon after, all followed suit, sharing the elevator.  
Ethan ended up right behind James, and he could nearly feel the tension in his muscles just by standing close. When the doors opened on the ground floor, they all got out of the elevator, and before they went their separate ways, he couldn’t help messing with James.  
“Nice hickey.” He whispered in his ear as they left the building. James didn’t react or turn, but Ethan was sure he had heard him.

* * *

  
Motherfucker, James thought as his blood both froze and boiled at once. Nice hickey. He did his best to ignore it while Zack was still around, and was only able to relax a little when he saw the FBI SUV drive away.  
“Hey, do you want to go grab a bite to eat?” Zack asked. It was too late for lunch and too early for dinner, but they had to skip lunch, so he wouldn’t say no to that.  
“Sure.” He said.  
They started walking towards the pub when James’ phone went off. As soon as he saw the caller’s ID, he cursed; he had forgotten again.  
“Hey, Tessy. Is everything alright?”  
“Yeah. I was wondering if you’d be able to buy me some soda? And also… When are you coming back?”  
“I was gonna grab some food with Zack and then head home, but I can go now if you need something.” He offered. The truth was that he could eat at home too, but he was craving fries.  
“No, it’s fine. I’ll be here when you come back. And bring soda. And ice cream. Love you!” She said before hanging up.  
“Everything okay?” Zack asked.  
“Tess wants soda.”  
“Why don’t you get her some tea instead? There is this place close by that has a lot of different teas and plant-based smoothies. It’s healthier than soda.”  
“Sure. As long as they have caffeine and are sweet, I don’t think she’ll mind.”  
They made it to the pub that was mostly empty except for a couple of tables. They sat at their usual spot and waited for Barry to come over.  
“So, she’s like you then.” Zack said.  
“What do you mean?”  
“She likes sweet drinks, like you do.” Zack explained. James wasn’t sure how he knew that because he used to drink his coffee black whenever he was at work; not because he liked it, but because he knew that drinking anything else would be looked down upon.  
“Okay, Willows, you are good. What else have you noticed?” James asked sitting back.  
“I noticed that you and Alek don’t talk anymore.” Zack started. That made James regret asking. He still hadn’t been able to talk to Alek, and it was especially hard since he was still avoiding him like the plague. But before James could say anything, Zack kept going. “Also, today I’m almost positive that the person who gave you that hickey couldn’t keep their eyes off you.”  
James felt those words like a blow to his chest; his lungs constricted. Zack knew. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but he couldn’t breathe, much less speak.  
“What can I get you?” Barry asked, showing up to their table. “Knox? Are you okay, buddy?”  
“Water.” James said, almost gasping for air.  
“Water for me as well.” Zack said. Barry nodded and went back to the bar. “I’m sorry. That was out of place, and it’s none of my business.”  
“You fucking knew?” James blurted, finally being able to breathe.  
“I don’t know anything, James.” Zack said carefully. “And, for what it's worth, I couldn’t care any less. I think you are a great cop, and a great man.”

James took a deep breath, then another, and then a few more, still trying to pull himself together. Zack knew. He had probably known for a while. He was staring at the wooden table between them, unable to look at Zack, when Barry brought two glasses of ice cold water. James grabbed his before it touched the table and downed it immediately.  
“Can I have some more?” He asked Barry.  
“Sure. Are you sure you’re okay?” The barman worried.  
“Water, Barry. Please.”  
As soon as Barry walked away again, Zack stood and walked around the table to sit next to James, making it all worse.  
“Are you having a panic attack?” He asked, putting his hand on James’ shoulder.  
“What do you think?!”  
“I’m sorry.” Zack said. Then he just brought James closer and held him. James was trying to catch his breath, while his heart was beating like crazy, and suddenly Zack decided he needed a hug?! “It’s going to be okay, James.”  
He allowed Zack to turn him into the embrace, but he didn’t hug him back. He just sat there, letting Zack hold him and pat his back.  
Suddenly he could feel Zack’s heartbeat against his chest; the constant and stable rhythm was soothing, and soon he felt his own heartbeat slow down to match Zack’s. He finally let himself relax a little and let his head fall on his partner’s shoulder.  
“Hm.” Barry interrupted, leaving a new glass of water on the table. Zack moved to let James go, but James instinctively clutched his hands onto Zack’s shirt, keeping him from moving further.  
“I think we need a few more minutes to decide, Barry. We’ll let you know.”  
“Sure…” Barry said, then walked away again. James didn’t want to imagine what the bartender was probably thinking of him. He felt like crying, and he was so scared to look up and see Zack’s face. Probably every person in the pub was staring at them.  
Very slowly, Zack took his hands, making him release his shirt. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? I just want to make sure the panic attack has passed.”  
James nodded, and let go of Zack, sitting straight and facing the table to avoid Zack’s eyes.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-“  
“It’s not your fault.” James interrupted abruptly. “I’m not mad.” It was the truth. He was scared shitless, but not mad. Not at Zack anyways.  
“I’ll go back to my seat then.” Zack said, standing. Once he was sitting in front of him again, James could feel Zack’s sympathetic gaze.  
“I’m fine.”  
“Okay.” Zack said, obviously not believing it. “You said you wanted fries, right?” Zack opened the menu and started going through it. James wanted to punch him in the face for being so nice. James didn’t deserve nice. He was an asshole most of the time.  
“Thanks. For… you know. Not being upset about it. And for the… hug.”  
“No need. You’re my partner and my friend.” Great, now Zack was going to make him cry in the pub. With his eyes burning, he finally lifted his gaze from the table and looked around. No one, not a single person in the mostly empty pub, was looking at them. He finally glanced at Zack. “It’s gonna be okay.”  
“That’s why Alek is mad at me.” James said. He had to clear his throat a couple of times to be able to speak through the lump there. Zack nodded and waited for him to keep talking. “He walked in on me with another guy, and he got mad because I lied to him this whole time, and I can’t fix it.”  
“I see. I’m sorry to hear that.”  
“Can I come now?” Barry called from behind the bar. That made them both chuckle, and James told him to come over. “All good now?”  
“Better. I’ll have the cheeseburger with fries.” James said, closing the menu and handing it to Barry.  
“I’ll have the vegan burger and fries too.” Zack gave the menu back, and Barry stood there in silence for a few seconds.  
“What?” James asked.  
“Nothing…” Barry said, squinting at him before returning to the bar.  
“He’s wants to know it all.” James sighed.  
“He sees us a lot. Can you blame him for being curious?”  
James sat back, letting his back rest completely against the booth. He felt lighter than he had felt in a long time. Zack knew, and it was fine. Maybe he could tell someone else. Maybe one person at a time, but first he needed to talk to Alek.  
“It’s none of my business, but I am really curious.” Zack started, he had blushed a little, and that made James smile. Zack was so sweet.  
“I think you are gorgeous and very cute.” James joked, making Zack blush even more. God, that had felt nice.  
“That was not… I wasn’t gonna ask about that, but, thanks! I’m flattered!” Zack’s smile was genuine, and that made James smile as well. “I meant to ask about Agent Holiday.” And James’ smile disappeared.  
“Oh, that.”  
“You don’t have to tell me. I know it’s none of my business, but we are going to have to work close with him, and I’d like to know a bit of what’s going on, but I understand if-“  
“We had sex. Last night. In a club. But I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me, so I don’t think that’s happening again.”  
“Are you sure? He couldn’t keep his eyes off you. And I saw him tell you something before we left.” James fought a little smile hearing those words and tried to remind himself not to get his hopes up.  
“Oh my God, Zack. Do you see every fucking thing?!” James laughed. Zack was good! Zack shrugged. “Asshole.”  
For the first time in a very long time, James actually enjoyed himself while having lunch. They didn’t touch the topic much after that, but just knowing that Zack knew, and that he wasn’t hiding that from him anymore, was such a huge relief. They discussed the case some more, and then James tried to tease Zack about the fingerprint tech and Doctor Montemayor, but Zack wouldn’t let him.  
An hour later, they were heading back home. Zack was telling James about the tea place, so they stopped there to get some overpriced smoothies that would have to make up for soda and ice cream, and also to take a small break from the heat.  
When they reached James’ door, they both stopped. “Thanks for today, Zack.”  
“I told you, no need to thank me.”  
“Okay. Have a good rest of your weekend then.” James told him.  
“You too.” Zack smiled at him once more and turned to walk the few feet to his own building.

James entered the building and felt lazy enough to take the elevator for four stories. He could work out tomorrow. As soon as the doors opened, he saw Alek leaving his apartment. He was dressed up, so he was probably going out, maybe a date?  
“Hey.” James greeted him. He saw Alek literally flinch when he heard him.  
“Hey.” Alek replied dryly.  
“Are you going to be mad at me forever?” James asked, only half joking.  
“How about ten years? That should make up for it.” Alek’s words cut deep. After that he ignored James calling him and left, disappearing on the stairs. He guessed he deserved it; he had lied for over ten years. He still kept many secrets from Alek and from everyone else.  
He opened the door to his apartment and found Tess playing video games again. She unglued her eyes from the screen for a split second, probably to make sure it was him and not an intruder, and then played until she could pause the game.  
“Soda?” She inquired, standing on the couch and walking towards him.  
“Nope, something better!” James said, showing her the smoothie.  
“What’s that?” She asked, wrinkling her nose.  
“It’s something Zack recommended. It’s tea and fruit. Healthier than soda. And it still has some caffeine.”  
“What? That’s not enough!” Tess whined. She still took the smoothie and the straw James was offering. She went back to the couch, and he followed, sitting next to her.  
“So, what are we playing?” He asked before taking a sip of his smoothie. It was great, refreshing, sweet, but not artificial. He would have to let Zack know he liked it. Hell, maybe he would get one of those instead of coffee in the mornings.  
“It’s a horror survival game.” Tess said, as if James should know what that meant.  
“So what do we do?”  
“Survive horrors, duh.” He could almost hear her rolling her eyes.  
“Okay. I’ll just sit here and cheer for you.” He offered. She sighed, but he could see a smile on her face.  
For the next couple of hours, James watched Tess navigate the worst possible scenarios and escape certain death several times. It was amazing how much she was in control, even when he was having a hard time just watching.  
Eventually Tess needed a break, so James offered to prepare dinner for her. She of course, asked for the pancakes he hadn’t prepared in the morning.  
“Did you like the smoothie?” James asked. He was pouring some pancake mix in the pan while Tess sat at the breakfast bar in front of him.  
“It wasn’t bad. But next time get me some Red Bull or Monster.” She replied.  
“Okay, whatever you want.”  
“Do you have a girlfriend?” Tess asked after a few seconds, catching James off guard.  
“No! I mean, not right now. Why?” James asked as he flipped the pancake.  
“No reason…” Tess said, but she was biting her lip and seemed deep in thought.  
“Tess? If there’s something worrying you, I’d like to know, that way I might be able to help.” Tess looked at him and only then did he see fear in her eyes. Tess was scared.  
“I’m starting school on Monday. In the new school. I don’t wanna go, but I don’t have a choice. I thought that maybe if I could come here sometimes it’d be fine. But then I saw the hickey,” she said pointing at his neck, “if you start dating someone, I won’t be able to come over anymore.”  
“Nonsense. You are always welcome here. Top priority, you hear me?”  
“Promise?” She asked hopeful.  
“Of course.”  
  
Later that night, they watched some TV show Tess decided on, and halfway through the first episode, James got a text from his mom asking him to drive Tess back home on Sunday so they could help her get ready for the first day of school.  
For now, Tess was with him, and he was gonna do everything he could to make sure she felt safe and loved, at least whenever she was with him.


	9. Chapter 9

# Chapter 9

Ethan had spent the better part of the evening thinking about James and that stupid hickey he had left on his neck. He would be lying if he said he didn’t like seeing that mark on the other man’s neck, but the truth was that this whole thing with James was a terrible idea. Especially since the case was active again.

Ethan needed to control himself, he knew that this kind of relationship, whatever it was, always ended badly. James was in the closet, for all Ethan knew, he had a girlfriend, and they had to work together for the time being. He had told himself that this was a clean slate, that things would be different in New York. It seemed that he hadn’t learned his lesson after all.

For now, though, he had to worry about dealing with the other side of the family. Somehow, his mom had made him agree to join her for brunch at her place, which most likely meant that half the family would be there. He just hoped there were enough mimosas.

He was a bit late because he had to stop on his way to Greenwich Village to buy something for the brunch. He had overslept and hadn’t had time to cook, and he knew his mom wouldn’t be happy if he showed up empty-handed, even if there was more than enough food in the house.

He finally knocked on the door of the townhouse and almost immediately, as if she had been waiting, his aunt Lucrezia opened the door.

“Graziella! He’s here!” She yelled, running back inside and leaving the door open.

“Hello to you too, Auntie.” Ethan sighed, following her inside and closing the door behind himself.

As usual in his mom’s place, the whole house smelled like whatever she was cooking at the time. He followed the sound of voices to the kitchen, and once there, he saw his mom behind the kitchen island, busy folding ravioli.

“Just one moment honey, I need to finish this,” she told him without looking at him, as she folded the last few pieces of pasta. As soon as she was done, she raised her arms and approached him for a hug. “Look at you! So tall! And handsome. Isn’t he taller?” She asked Lucrezia.

“Definitely!” His aunt replied. She was preparing mimosas, thank God.

“Hi, Mom,” Ethan said at last, while his mom pinched his cheeks. It didn’t get old.

“What’s that? You brought me something?” She asked, taking the bag from him. “Go say hi to your Nonna.”

It hadn’t been five minutes, and Ethan was already exhausted but also glad he came. His mom’s family was loud, noisy and at times too close for comfort, but these were the people he grew up with that made him feel normal when he came back from his dad’s place.

He left his mom and Lucrezia in the kitchen and went to find his Nonna. As usual, she was in the living room watching whatever show she was into now.

“Domenico?” Nonna called from her armchair when she noticed him. She might be a frail old lady, but she was still sharp as hell.

“Hello, Nonna.” Ethan approached her and kissed her once on each cheek. Just like his mother, she pinched his cheeks.

“You look thinner. Are you eating? Graziella the kid is not eating.” She yelled. “Don’t they feed you in the FBI? You should find a good man who makes you sit and eat with him.”

“I will, Nonna.” He promised.

“How are you, Mimmo?” She asked him once he sat on the couch next to her chair.

“I’m good. So glad to be back home.” He told her. It made her smile.

“Me too, bambino. Now you have to visit me every week, you don’t have excuses.”

“Okay,” Ethan laughed.

He tried to catch up with the family drama with Nonna, who always knew everything. Who was getting divorced, who cheated, who was dating who… All the gossip passed by her.

It seemed that there was at least one wedding to look forward to, Ethan’s cousin, Valentina, was going to announce her engagement soon. She was one of the cousins Ethan grew up with because they were close in age, but now he had several younger cousins and some of the older cousins had their own kids.

But for brunch it’d be just them, Lucrezia’s husband and probably their kids.

“Girls!” Ethan heard Lucrezia call. That most likely meant that they were about to start and someone had to set the table. He helped Nonna stand and walked her to the table at the same time the girls showed up.

“Cousin!” Carlota greeted. Ethan wasn’t sure how old she was, he suspected fifteen, maybe sixteen, but he knew she was the older one, Eleonora was two years younger.

“Woah, you grew up so much!” He said, hugging her.

“Mimmo!” Eleonora said when it was her turn to get a hug. “Do you have gory stories from the FBI?”

“It’s classified.” He joked.

“No gory at my table girls!” Graziella said from the kitchen. She somehow heard everything that transpired in her house.

Shortly after he and the girls got the table set and brought the food to the table, they sat and started. Lucrezia’s husband hadn’t arrived yet, but apparently, they were not waiting for him.

“Your mother has spent the whole morning in the kitchen, if Joey didn’t make it on time, that’s his problem, isn’t it, girls?” Lucrezia asked her daughters. They both nodded, too busy serving ravioli and frittata.

Ethan served himself a second mimosa, aware of his mom looking at him from the other side of the table.

“So, did you go out this weekend?” She asked as casually as a mother can.

“Yeah, with Leah, Julien and Mia.” He said. He really didn’t want to give her much information because she’d keep asking and then tell him that she wanted grandkids.

“I can’t believe you still hang out with the same gang you did ten years ago.” Lucrezia said, with a sympathetic look, trying to help him out of that conversation.

“Yeah,” he said, “even after being away, when I met them again it was like no time had passed.”

“Speaking about time passing,” Graziella started. Ethan sighed loud and that made Nonna laugh.

“Ella, leave him alone. He just came back, don’t push it too hard or he’ll leave again.” She said, still laughing.

“I just don’t want him to waste his life. One bad experience at love doesn’t mean anything in a whole life, honey.” Ethan sighed even louder.

His mom thought everything that was wrong with his life was related to that one thing that happened in college. It was true that that had changed the way he saw relationships and made him mistrust pretty much every man he met. He liked to think that all that heartbreak just made him wiser, but the truth is that it made him colder too.

“I know, Mom, but putting more pressure on me is not gonna help.” She rolled her eyes but let it go. Before anyone had the chance to start a new conversation, they heard the door.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Joey apologized. “I know I’m late.” He kissed his wife, and sat next to her. “Oh, kid, glad to have you back.”

Ethan raised his now third mimosa, he could drink to that.

With Joey’s interruption, the conversation seemed to go to safer topics, in other words, discussing other family member’s scandals. Ethan had heard a bit of it from Nonna already, but having his mom and Lucrezia be scandalized by Nonna’s words was always the best part of brunch.

As expected, they couldn’t eat the ridiculous amount of food they had prepared, which meant that Ethan was going home with a lot of containers of leftovers. As per tradition, he was in charge of doing the dishes while his mom prepared the leftovers. Everyone else kept coming in and out of the kitchen, bringing more dishes or remaining food. At a quiet moment, Ethan took the chance to talk to his mom in private.

“I saw Dad on Friday.” He said, turning his head to look at her.

“I know, he sent me a picture.” She said. She smiled, and Ethan was sure it was a genuine smile.

“His new wife is a huge bitch.”

“Was there ever one that wasn’t?” Graziella asked, arching a brow. Ethan laughed because she was right.

“So,” Ethan said, preparing himself. “Have you been going out lately?”

“Ethan Domenico Holiday, you are not asking me about my love life, are you?” She said, taking her hand to her heart.

“I just want to know if there’s someone special in your life,” he tried. He didn’t mean to pry, far from that. He loved his mom, and he was aware of how much she had sacrificed for him. She wasn’t even eighteen when she got pregnant. She had had to work very hard for most of his childhood, and even though she had Nonna and Lucrezia, she still had given up on many things for him. She was still young and if anyone deserved a happy ending, that was Graziella, whether that meant meeting someone or not.

“I registered your mom for Christian Mingle,” Lucrezia said, entering the kitchen with the last plates. “A disaster.”

“Lucrezia!” Graziella shushed her.

“Don’t worry, I got the whole dating thing covered.” His aunt said, winking, before she left the kitchen again, possibly to avoid Graziella’s wrath.

“You don’t get to worry about me, you hear me?” She told him.

“Can I use that too, to keep you from asking?” He joked.

“No, I’m your mother, I’m going to worry about you, and I have the divine power of prying.“

Ethan laughed and went back to washing the dishes.

Shortly after that, he left his mom’s house after saying goodbye to everyone, and taking

 two bags of leftovers with him.

 

On Monday morning, Ethan got ready for work. He carefully picked one of his favorite suits and the tie Leah always said that brought his eyes out. He couldn’t help but feel like an idiot because even though he didn’t want to admit it, he was trying to impress James. Not that he needed to, for all he knew, the detective had a crush on him already.

Ethan arrived to the office in time to see Jesse and Javi leaving, but before he had time to ask, Lena called him to her office.

“What’s going on, boss?” Ethan asked, entering the small room.

“Jesse and Javi are heading out of town for a little while. An old case of Javi’s. Hopefully they’ll be back soon, for now it’s just the two of us and Nyoko.” Lena informed him.

“Okay. We should have an autopsy report today?” Ethan asked as Lena stood, getting ready to leave.

“Yeah, I’m sticking by you today. Do you want to stop for coffee on our way to the station?” She asked, leaving the room.

“Sure.” He replied.

“This time it seems that the killer was left-handed, so he’s either ambidextrous, or it’s not the same as last time.” Lena told him in the elevator.

“I guess will know more once we have the autopsy report.”

 

Later, they were making their way through the bullpen of the homicide division. They had a long day ahead, and they needed to get to the case as soon as possible.

“Gray,” Lena called as they approached the conference room.

“Hey.” The sergeant greeted back and joined them in front of the door. “I’m waiting for Knox and Willows to come back from another call. It shouldn’t be long.” As soon as he finished his statement, the elevator doors opened.

James was dragging a guy in handcuffs, followed by Zach.

“I’m a free citizen of the State of New York!” The guy was saying. He kept resisting and trying to turn to face James. “I don’t recognize the NYPD as a legitimate authority, you cannot arrest me.”

“Okay.” James replied, still pushing the guy through the room and towards the interrogation rooms.

“You don’t know this, but you are just tools of the United Nations and a higher power that operates in secret.” The guy said, stopping once more.

“Oh, we know it. Of course we know it.” The detective responded, stopping as well. Zach frowned at that, and Ethan saw Gray take his hand to his face.

“You do?” The guy asked. He looked surprised.

“We had a conference about it in June, they told us everything.” James said, completely serious. So serious that if it wasn’t for Lena’s smile and Grays exasperation, Ethan would have almost believed it.

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, not at all, they told us about their master plan and-“ James was explaining until Sergeant Gray interrupted him.

“Alright, Knox, enough. Officer, please.” Gray called to one of the officers standing nearby. “Please take this man to the questioning room. Knox, the FBI is here.”

“What about my other case? We just made an arrest.” James complained, but followed Gray anyway. Zach was already joining them in the conference room.

“I’ll assign it to someone else. Your priority is this case.” The Sergeant said in a tone that didn’t admit reply.

“Do we have autopsy results already?” James asked, taking a seat. Zach sat next to him, and Lena and Ethan did the same on the other side of the table.

“Soon. We should also get the bank records today,” Gray said, looking at Lena.

“As soon as we have approval, I’ll have my people get them.” She said.

“Check the crime scene pictures again, try to find something. I’ll handle your other case.”

With that, Gray left the room. They all took the files and started reviewing the pictures of the crime scene. James stood pacing around the room while eyeing the pictures.

“We have a left-handed killer after all, Knox.” Lena said. “Doctor Montemayor said as much.”

“I know. She assumed that from the direction of the cuts.” He replied. Ethan noticed that something was different about the detective. He seemed lighter, less under the weather than usual. That made him even more curious about him.

“You think she’s wrong?” Ethan asked.

“Yeah. Do you?” Zach joined.

“No, but I think there is another possibility.” James said walking towards the blackboards. “Melissa Taylor’s killer was right-handed .” He explained pointing at the picture. “Then Kimberly was allegedly killed by a left-handed murderer.”

“Are you saying it’s not the same killer?” Zach asked.

“No. What if we are not taking the position of the killer into consideration?” He asked them. “What if he attacked one of the victims from behind?”

That was an interesting theory indeed, and it’d make sense since there were no signs of struggle in neither case.

“Okay, let’s say that happened. How do you think it played out?” Lena asked.

“I think he is indeed left-handed, because there is no way he cut the second victim’s neck like that unless she was on the floor. He wouldn’t have enough leverage standing behind her.”

“What about Melissa then? He stabbed her from behind?” Ethan asked. It wasn’t completely crazy to imagine, but it was probably not the case. It would be too complicated to stab someone thirty-nine times while standing.

“Maybe he was kneeling next to the body.” Zach offered. “Or maybe he was staying closer to the top of her body, that might result in a different angle.”

“Okay,” Lena admitted. “It would make sense for someone to straddle the victim to stab them so many times, so I guess that that’s a possibility. What do you say?” She asked Ethan.

“I say that it would make a lot of sense if it’s indeed the same killer. Unless he is ambidextrous.”

“How many people are ambidextrous?” Zach asked.

“I don’t think that many.” James told him.

“Around one percent of the world population can use both hands with the equal skill.” Lena said.

After that, they went photo by photo, discussed the contents of the purse and tried to find any kind of meaning for the wound or the missing teeth.

They were running out of ideas when they were called to the morgue.

* * *

 

James’ day had started with an early call, an arrest of some conspiracy aficionado first thing in the morning and no breakfast. He was hungry and needed coffee, but the truth was that neither he nor Zack had had a minute to take a break.

They were on their way downstairs to the morgue with the FBI, and James could feel Ethan’s eyes on him. He was doing his best not to stare back. Stupid Ethan with that stupid suit, and his stupid sexy smile, and that stupid cologne that smelled so good. He wanted to roll his eyes at all that, but instead he tried to focus on the case. Deep down he knew it was his fault for letting himself think of the agent more than he should. He had even fantasized about meeting Ethan again outside work. He stole a glance back and tried to look at Ethan discreetly, but Ethan caught his eye immediately and smiled. Yeah, he was so full of himself. James smiled to himself, embarrassed and saw Zack watching him too.

That felt like the longest elevator ride ever.

As soon as the doors opened, James got out of the elevator, followed by Zack, Ethan and Agent Ellis. The only good thing about the morgue was that it was usually cooler than the rest of the precinct. Doctor Montemayor was already busy with what seemed to be a new victim from a different case, but she dropped what she was doing as soon as they entered the lab.

“Doctor,” James greeted.

“Let me get the file,” she said cheerfully. James still hadn’t figured out what was going on with her. She was sweet and always nice to everybody, and even though she was really good at her job, he wouldn’t have expected a girl like that being a medical examiner. “Okay, Kimberly Millwood,” she started.

“How did she die?” Lena asked impatiently, and Doctor Montemayor glared at her. She might be nice, but James wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that glare.

“She was strangled.” The doctor said. “That explains the lack of blood around the body. She was indeed killed there,” she said looking at Zack, “and the time of death would be between three and four a.m.”

James stopped listening to the report at some point, more interested in Zack and the doctor. Something was going on between them. She was addressing all of them, but her eyes kept going back to Zack and then anywhere else as if she was trying not to do it.

“Knox?” the Doctor called him.

“I’m listening.” He lied. She sighed and rolled her eyes.

“You asked me several questions the other day. I have answers, if you can stay with us.” She said.

“You are not nice,” James thought, but accidentally said aloud.

“I am nice!” She protested, clearly offended. James noticed that Lena was not surprised, and Ethan seemed amused, of course.

“I’m sorry. You were saying?” James tried.

“The teeth were removed when she was already dead. The killer probably attacked from behind, strangled her and then laid her down to… do the rest.”

James approached the body lying on the gurney. The victim had been cleaned and now looked pale, almost blue. She had been young and pretty and alive.

“Could you identify the weapon?” James asked turning to look at the doctor again.

“Not very precisely, it must have been a long-bladed knife.” She walked towards the laptop on her desk and showed them what probably was a reconstruction of the murder weapon. “It’s hard to say. The knife was used with great violence, the wounds are messy and so are the cuts.”

“Can you confirm that the killer was left-handed?” Lena asked. James had to hold back a sigh, which again was noticed by Ethan. Was he paying attention to anything but him? James wasn’t sure anymore if that attention was welcome.

“Well, I can’t assure anything, but it definitely looks like it. It’s always possible that he did it from a weird angle, or from behind, or…” She shrugged.

“Is there any other physical evidence? Hair? Anything under the nails?” Zack asked.

“No. But I can confirm that either the victim made a great job of washing her hands and nails, or the killer washed them after killing her to get rid of any evidence.”

Ethan asked a few questions of his own, and shortly after, Lena’s phone went off.

“We have the bank records. Doctor keep us updated.” She was already leaving when she said that last part. Ethan followed her, and Zack waited for him to leave as well.

This time the elevator ride seemed shorter since Ethan was busy looking at his phone, and that helped James feel less anxious.

Back in the conference room, they went through the bank statements of both victims. Most of it was normal, the only transactions that stood out were biweekly payments made to both accounts for significant amounts.

“This is definitely suspicious,” Zack started as he highlighted another line in the stack of papers he was reviewing.

“They are not the same amounts every time, and they don’t even come from the same accounts.” Lena said as she compared several sheets. “This one here, from Melissa’s bank account. One thousand dollars. Two weeks later, eight hundred and fifty, different bank account.”

“Are Kimberly’s the same?” Ethan asked them, without lifting the eyes from the papers.

“Yeah. Not the same amounts, though. She had one for fifteen hundred dollars one week, another for one thousand. They go back at least four months.” James responded. They had only got so far. “Any chance your people can figure out who is sending the money?”

“We can sure as hell try.” Lena said pulling out her phone and starting to type on it.

“So, I can assume we are all thinking the same?” James said. That made everyone look at him.

“What are we thinking?” Ethan asked as he placed his elbows on the table and his chin on his hands, giving him his undivided attention.

“I’m not saying that this is the only way for them to make easy money, but… they were both attractive young women. Many men would pay for their company.” James said. Lena squinted, but said nothing, and Zack shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

“And they are paid with transfers?” Ethan inquired arching an eyebrow with humor.

James shrugged. “Maybe it’s like vemno or paypal or any other e-transfer kind of thing.”

“There would be more detail if that was the case,” Lena explained, “these are transfers from another bank account.”

“Let’s gather all the bank accounts to see if any of them match with other transactions. It might be the same people,” James proposed.

For the next few hours they wrote down every account number they could see and some of them repeated several times in both accounts.

They had been working in silence for a few minutes when Lena spoke. “If they were hookers-“

“Sex workers,” Zack corrected her immediately, surprising James. That was both unexpected, and the kind of correction he’d expect from the redhead.

Lena cleared her throat, “If they were sex workers, how would this work? Are these their clients’ accounts?”

“Maybe it’s some sort of company?” Ethan proposed. “When I was in college, many girls signed up for some sort of escorting companies. Technically they only had to go to parties and events with older men, but I’m pretty sure that they could make some extra money sleeping with them.”

“That might be Kimberly’s case, but Melissa had a job already.” James said. The truth was that it made sense.

“She was an assistant in a law firm, she was barely making more than minimum wage and her bosses were making at least seventy grand a year.” Lena said dryly.

“How would you advertise this kind of business online?” Zack asked as he typed on his laptop.

“Escort service?” James offered shrugging.

“Really?” Lena asked incredulous. “You’ve never hired a hoo- a sex worker?” She corrected herself.

“No, I have not.” James lied smiling at her. God, he wanted to ask if she had so bad, but he knew he shouldn’t. Lena smiled back in the same passive-aggressive way.

“I’m sure they’d use some other vocabulary to advertise themselves.” Ethan said, not missing a second of the exchange going on between James and Lena. James was starting to worry. What if she knew? Was it even possible? He paid cash… he gave up and looked away first.

“What about Lush? It’s based in Manhattan,” Zack said, turning his laptop to show them. The website was elegant and discreet but the information available gave away the services offered. James took the computer and inspected the site. He found a “meet us” section that basically was a display of pictures of young women in different events and parties.

“None of the victims seems to be among these women.” James said giving up. “But I’m sure there are many other services like this one.”

“I’ll have Nyoko look into those.” Lena said standing up. “I have to make a few phone calls, take a break or have lunch or something,” she told Ethan, who just nodded in response.

“Lunch sounds great right now.” Zack said. He had almost forgotten how hungry he was. Before James could propose tacos, his phone went off with an alarm. The notification said “Therapy”. He had forgotten.

“Shit. I have to go, but I’ll be back in an hour or so, okay?” James said, taking his badge and almost running to the door. He needed to be in the Upper East side in ten minutes if he didn’t want to lose the appointment.

He probably violated a few traffic laws, but he made it almost on time. He parked his car as close as he could to the clinic and then ran the few streets left.

The small clinic was a reformed townhouse with several therapists available. James usually saw older women and kids in the waiting rooms for the other doctors, but he never saw any of the other patients of his own therapist.

When he reached the reception, Nancy, Doctor Ruthlo’s assistant, told him he could come in. She, efficient as usual, also offered to bring him some water. Running had probably been a bad idea in that heat, but he didn’t want to be late.

He knocked on the closed door for Doctor Ruthlo’s office and heard her voice inviting him in.

“Welcome, James.” She said in her usual polite and welcoming tone. She always made him feel safe and comfortable, since the very first day. There were few things in life James would never give up and therapy with her was one of those. She had been able to bring him back from the darkest places and keep him sane afterwards, and he knew he wasn’t an easy patient at first.

“Hello, Doc.” He sat on his usual spot on the couch in front of her armchair. She was already sitting with her notepad and ready to start, as usual.

“How are you feeling today?” She asked with a smile.

“Hot,” James said at the same time that Nancy opened the door carrying a tray with a glass and a jar of cold cucumber water. She served a glass, offering it to James and left the tray on the table by the couch.

“Thank you, Nancy,” Doctor Ruthlo said, before turning back to James. “So, anything else bothering you besides the heat?” She asked while he downed the water.

“I’m feeling anxious.” James said. He was trying to put his feelings in order to make sense of what he wanted to say.

“Why is that?”

“Uhm. Too many things,” he said getting flustered.

“Okay, let’s make a list then. Let’s do it chronologically. What happened first?”

“Alek got mad at me.” James said counting with his hand. That was the first thing.

“That makes you sad. We talked about it before. Were you able to talk to him?”

“No. He refuses to see me.” James said, defeated.

“Remember that some things are out of our control. You can’t make him change his mind but-“

“I can give him time.” He interrupted, nodding.

“Yes,” she laughed. “What else happened? Something good?”

“Yeah,” he said blushing. “So… I met someone. In a club. I mean, it wasn’t very… special I guess?” he asked shrugging. She just hummed and nodded, inviting him to go on. “I don’t think he’s really interested though. It looks more like he’s having fun at my expense now.”

“Why do you think that?” She asked.

“I think he knows I like him and, I don’t know,” he shrugged again. “He stares at me and always has that stupid smile on his face.” He let himself fall back against the back of the couch. “He’s just… handsome and smart. But like annoying smart.”

“You have met him again? Outside the club?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s the same guy I mentioned a few weeks ago? He tried to psychoanalyze me.” James explained. He probably had talked about Ethan a lot more during therapy than he should, but Doctor Ruthlo never judged.

“I see,” she said taking some notes. “So, you work with this man?”

“For now, I guess. The case is active again so he’s back.” She nodded again. “I also had another panic attack. On Saturday.” That caught her attention and she sat straighter.

“Why was that?”

“It was probably a mix of several things. Tess was staying with me for the weekend, she’s very upset at home. I had been with this guy the night before,” he explained.

“In the club?” she asked.

“Yes, in the club. We had sex.” He added. He was sure the doctor had guessed that much but she usually asked if he had had any intimate contact so he might as well tell her now. “I had to go to work in the morning and, this guy… was there. Because the case. And then I was with Zack and-“

“James,” she said in a calm voice. He recognized that tone by now. He took a moment to breathe and started again.

“Zack told me he knew who gave me the hickey,” he said pointing at the mark on his neck. “He knows I’m… gay. And he’s okay with that.”

“How did that make you feel? Did you feel relieved? Or…?”

“I freaked out. I cried a bit. Or maybe more than a bit.” She smiled at that admission. “He was so cool and calm about it. And he hugged me. Nothing has changed at work. Nothing at all.”

“So, this was a good thing. Would you say you feel ready to tell someone else?” Doctor Ruthlo asked, taking some more notes.

“I don’t think so. I didn’t tell Zack myself. He just told me he knew. But it felt good.”

“How have you been sleeping?” She asked. After two years of therapy she probably knew better than to push the whole coming out thing if it was not the right time.

“As usual. No nightmares.”

“Any flashbacks? Ghosts?” She said making a gesture with her hand.

“Nothing.” He assured.

“But you feel anxious? Sad?” She asked squinting.

“A little bit of both. I feel… trapped. Like I’m stuck, and I’m not moving forward anymore.”

“What do you mean? Moving forward in what sense? In therapy? At work?” James shrugged again, but he knew he had to respond using words.

“I think I feel lonely.” James admitted.

“You miss Alek.” She offered. But it was more than that. He did miss Alek, who was the only person who would hug him or offer any kind of physical affection regularly and spontaneously. Now he didn’t have that, and he felt lonelier than ever.

“Should I get a cat?” he asked.

“Do you want to adopt a cat?” she asked in return, making him roll his eyes, which made her laugh. “A cat might provide some affection, yes. But it’s also a responsibility.”

“Would you recommend me to get a cat as my therapist?” He asked trying to get a clear response out of her.

She didn’t give in and didn’t say yes or no to the cat, but admitted it’d help him feel less lonely. His fifty minutes went by quickly as usual so he had to head back to work, but not before Nancy scheduled a new appointment for later in the week.

He felt lighter and less anxious. He had a new prescription for his meds and he was really considering the possibility of adopting a cat. He always felt like he could actually face life after therapy, so he felt invigorated and ready to go back to work. The only problem now was that his lunch break was over and he still hadn’t eaten anything in the whole day.


End file.
